Goodnight, glory, grace and green.

I'll write stream of consciousness because it's the only way I can tonight. If you spoke with me tonight this might be redundant to you to you to you redundant to you tonight if you spoke with me earlier tonight to me.

Long for those mundane things with someone else. Sappy, syrupy sweet and disgusting. I read and read and learn of others and seem to constantly want to taste the sweeter, greener grass on their side of the fence. It's happier. They live more and love more and soak up more. And I live in a constant, ugly state of envy. I'm not living enough. I'm stagnant and here in Missouri. I want to write lovely and drink in art and drown in wonderful music and find myself completely overcome with love. But instead I've settled for a mediocre job in this hideous town and am alone alone alone. Candles and music and incense tonight and someone close that reads this. It makes me the tiniest bit conscious, too conscious some of what I'm writing. Will it seem ridiculous in hindsight? Oh well if it does. I have to do more. I have to live more. I need help. Why so lonely? Even in a crowd. Oh so typical. So many others are the same. Somehow I live thinking a dog would love me so much and we'd romp around together having adventures.

More, redundant.. If you even know all the really ugly things and even the things I hide and the things that embarass me..and the things I long to be and the things I know I'll never be, etc. etc. After all those, can you still love me and hold onto me? Would you want to and never have to pretend?

The Nylon Nightmare.

Oi! I say that in a very hearty voice..shaking one fist violently above my head. I'm just going to get straight to the point.
Nylons.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I wore them today and I looked very damn professional I'll have you know..but, seriously.. I have to wear these things? I hate to sound typical and say that now I'm typical but.. sheesh. I'm a total sell-out! (I didn't wanna say that either) I must dress professional everyday and pantyhose are required. I just cannot get over it. I will think outside the box on this one and find some very damn creative ways of looking professional/being comfortable. It's a must. When I walked in the door after work I threw down my bag and headed straight for my room to strip down. Blech! So here I am clad in plain white t-shirt and shorts. As for the job portion..I think this will be fine for awhile. It's just a complete change of pace for me. I've previously been working in social work..a couple different jobs simultaneously..but full-time in a lockdown facility with juvenile boys. A bank girl in nylons and a skirt is a whole new ball of wax/tape/yarn/something. My kids from work would die if they saw me in a skirt and girl shoes. They used to create reasons for me to dress up for work.. heh. I realize I'm dramatizing this professional work dress thing a bit too much but it's pretty drastic for me and no, I don't like it much at all.

I got digital fingerprints taken today. It was pretty neat. I have a nifty security badge with my picture on it too. Are you jealous? Today was just Orientation. I need help with all this paperwork.. ie 401k? I mean, should I sign up? The job pays poorly so I'm going to need every scrap I can get but I can't bear to not be putting any away. Tell me I'm going to be ok. I did open an 'Investment Savings Account.' I already have my regular savings account but because I'm an employee I can do all this hoopla with no minimum balance/no fees, ya'know? So..why not? I went with the Investment Savings account because I can accrue more interest that way but I know I'll only be able to twiddle away a tiny bit to that account. Ahh well, better than nuttin', right? heh.

This morning before work was great, though. It felt so worthwhile to be up early with plenty of time to spare. I drank coffee leisurely. I pulled open the back door for some fresh air. I showered slow, got into those damn hose slow, read email. Not having any routine has made me feel pretty drab and definitely like a schmuck. I was in college 4 years and worked every moment I could and then my job/s following college had no set routine whatsoever. I worked whatever, whenever.. Now I work a normal day job, will have holidays off, am home in the evenings and even around on the weekends some. I could even take a class if I wanted to!! I've been wanting to take a super nerdy class for so long now. In the treatment facility I worked in..the kids lived there...24/7 and thus..we worked all sorts of days/hours..all holidays included. Sure, it's Christmas day..but somebody has to be with the kids. So, I'm grateful to have some of those off now. It will be nice to make plans with my family.

For those of you that drive in rush hour traffic everyday..I pity you deeply. It's just awful. My new job is less than 5 minutes from home and I had planned to ride my bike there some but in a skirt and pantyhose?? We'll see. My Orientation and a week of training will all be downtown and so that part is ick but it'll be ok. Enough rambling about the job. Over 2 weeks until my first payday and I'm wondering how I'm going to make it. Can I have dinner at your house? You'll have to pick me up. Oh, and my water bill is coming due soon as well..um..

Does your baby take the morning train?

Ahh, big sigh. Strange. Tomorrow, back to the daily grind..drive downtown at 7 am with the mass of people making that same trek every morning. Soaking up words tonight..too sentimental. Overflowing, missing. I want a dog so so much. Saw an ad on the KCBloggers site for Isabella. I think we're soulmates but I know I probably cannot have a dog here and it saddens me deeply. White husky with the bluest eyes in the world. She wants to be my roommate and allow me to love her. I could call her Izzie when we were being sweet..or bella in a hurry.. I have a spacious yard for her to run and jump and frolic in.

Reminiscent talk of house-bunnies. hop. hop. hop. A dreamy vintage book about Manhattan and I will sleep. Eye drops and floss from a late trip to the store. I flossed my teeth awhile ago. I like it. I have droopy eyes.. Empty bed. The softest sheets in the world in the nicest of colors. They call to me seductively. I'm smitten with them. Passed up a Sunday paper..should've grabbed one. Peanut butter & jelly tomorrow. I'll drink coffee and drink coffee and I'll drive listening to really great music. I asked, "Do I have to talk to people?" Yes. "I don't want to. I'll hold a book and look really absorbed." You have to at least smile a lot. Good thing I flossed? I'll ride my bike some tomorrow..after work. It will be lovely and I'll pedal uphill. Oh, such a word whore I am. Speak to me in riddles..speak to me in rhymes. Sleep. Glorious sleep.

I'm sticking with you..'cause I'm made out of glue.

I had a really great weekend. Thank you for a really great weekend. (redundancy intended) The weekend included friends, a fun wine tasting, movies, time with my mom and a visit from my handyman uncle.

And, by the way.. has the novelty worn off already? sheesh.

What'd you do this weekend?

I've officially decided to start searching for a second job soon. I think I may have mentioned this before. Any ideas? Since the "day job" will be a tad on the crap side...I'd really like to do something F U N for the 2nd job. Of course, ideally, the full-time job would be something I enjoy and make good money at. I know, Utopian society, join the club, etc. etc.

Topic Jump.
I've been thinking a lot about those people that try really super hard to make others happy. My mom is the epitome of this and I see myself doing the same. To that I say, No More! I'm not advocating 100% selfishness but a percentage is required for sure. Never being selfish has lead to my parents' marriage's demise after 30 years. It's ugly. I see my mom's family completely exhausting themselves generally for 1 or 2 people. For instance, my grandpa.. At a recent "family gathering" (these are rare)..he was upset because we ate deli sandwiches. My aunt knew he'd be angry if the mayonnaise was not dished out into a bowl to serve..etc. The list goes on and on. He doesn't like Swiss cheese, blah blah blah. Fuck that. It's wonderful to be giving and to want to bring happiness to those around you..but as for throwing away every last succulent drop of energy you've got just to try and make another happy...? Not worth it.. and, crazy thing is.. It doesn't work!! That person you pour everything into.. they're never satisfied. They become a bottomless pit of taking. They'll stab you with an IV and take everything you've got without batting an eye. Somewhere in all of this I have to add a dash of Disclaimer. I love to give. I believe in an element of selflessness. However.. a person's own happiness must be factored in there as well. You hafta stand up for getting your own needs met as well. I'll step on toes and I hope to get better at it. I find myself sometimes becoming a paranoid mess when with others. I become consumed with worrying over whether everyone else is happy, having a good time, enjoying their dinner, etc. Much of this comes from the way it was living with my dad. I realized today having lunch with my mom that if my dad were there.. We'd both instantly assess the temperature, the table, the waitress, the menu, EVERYTHING...because my dad is impossible to please. The tiniest thing will throw him over the edge in a split-second. I've learned to note in my head that chewing a certain flavor of gum in my dad's vehicle will enrage him because he hates to smell it. I'm not pullin' your teats for sympathy or anything else.. I just want to say to myself and to someone else maybe.. That's not ok. One shouldn't have to be made to feel that way and if you impose your selfish fucking ways in drastic measures on other people..shame on you. Deal with it. So if you do that, stop it. If you're allowing someone to do this to you.. stop that. Did any of that make sense? I felt like it may have sounded contradicting but I think I got my point across. I understand it and that's what matters. heh. If you like coming here to read something..that's neat and exciting..but in the end, this has to be my little corner to dump out the muck. Sometimes there's loveliness to dump out as well..but this is my place.

If you happened to be at my home this past weekend..that was great. If you stood next to me while I washed dishes..Thank you. If you sat on the floor with me and watched movies..that was also great. If you stood on the deck and watched daunting storm clouds roll in with me..Let's do that again sometime. If you burned a frozen pizza and my oven..You're welcome to do it again anytime. Thank you for enjoying the weekend with me.

You held up a stagecoach in the rain.

Sometimes when you're feelin' like ass..it can help to try and not look like ass. Such is the case with me. Feelin' = like ass. Lookin' = not like ass. I'm getting ready for my big outing of the day. Truth is, the party never really stops over here in pomegranate land. Today's outing: a trip to 2 libraries!! I have books due at 2 different libraries, KC Public Library and also a Mid-Continent branch. I'm telling you, Party Central! Perhaps I could start selling party supplies from my home for a 2nd income. Hm.. If you're looking for someone to work for you, with you, against you.. I'm yer girl.

I went outside to get some sun on my face and to fill up the lungs with fresh air. whew. Hot as fuck out there. For a brief, shining moment that sentence seemed charming and lovely...then the needle scratched across the record and everything halted.

Looked at my bank account today...it had the same effect. Needle scratching across the record. Whew. I dare say it may have ruined my day. I'm trying not to let it. Money comes and goes, right? Seems the bills have no discretion, though. They whore themselves at my door..pouring in every month..even after I've been clear in stating that they're not welcome in this part of town anymore. Speaking of.. I am considering turning a few tricks to supplement the income. Thank God I don't have babies or baby daddy's or any of that shit. I do have a hungry cat but..that's enough!

Please keep in mind.. I'm always aching for the music and links to read your blogs. I know it's redundant but I'm just letting you know...that invitation always stands. Thank you beyond thank you to the kind folks that have shared some really good fuckin' music with me. I love it.

Have a really great day, k? Tomorrow's Friday. Make weekend plans with me..these are my last few days of freedom before lockdown at the workplace. ew. I'll be strapped in with pantyhose and professional clothing. Yeah, I'm getting nauseous thinking about it too.

Good Morning, Sunshine.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You'll never know dear..how much I love you.
Please don't take my Sunshine away.

The voice isn't really sexy anymore..now I just sound like Edith? err..what was that girl on Saturday Night Live? Sat in a great big chair and swung her legs..talked about peanut butter & jelly. Her nose always sounded all stuffed up, so..to explain..in the most wordy way possible.. That's what I sound like. It's hot.

Hm. I gots nuttin.

It makes sense.

Tonight we were out and I just wanted to look at some cold medicine or something. I'm not big on pills and crap but I wanted something.

We saw "Anusol." This is some medicine for your hemorrhoids. I think it's helpful that the word "anus" is actually in the title of the product.

More Bullshit, straight from the Bull..

Ok, so I have bad news.
First things first.. I got some really awful news from my new job today. Turns out.. I'm required to wear fucking pantyhose. WHAT?!! oh god. I'm highly, HIGHLY saddened by this news. The only pantyhose I'm into are black, sexy as fuck and only come up to my thighs. I'd not mind wearing those as I'd assume they'd be coming off relatively quickly. Oi. This is what I get for getting a "normal" job. shit.

The other bad news: Turns out the person who must've had my phone number some time ago and has chosen not to update their Blockbuster account for obvious reasons has some tapes overdue. Shelly Cooley? I'm not sure.. It was an automated message with a recording of the person stating his/her own name. It was a man's voice but it sounded like a woman's name? S'cuse me if I'm muddling up any gender issues you may have or know of. Anyway, Shelly Cooley.. if you're out there.. Your tapes from Blockbuster are overdue. I hung up towards the end of the message (I'm surprised I listened that long because I rent from Hollywood Video) and then wished I had stayed on for a moment longer as they were about to list the tapes that are overdue. I might've had some material to further make fun of Shelly Cooley and perhaps her shitty taste in movies. Oh well. Maybe next time.

pitch black.

new soda from Mountain Dew called Pitch Black.. it's grape.
Just lettin' you know.
No, I don't want to taste yours.

He wants to drink my bath water.

I woke up confused around 6 am after I'd fallen asleep watching a good documentary. Went to bed with the intent of waking back up in an hour or so, screwed up the alarm and slept later. I pulled my achey self outta bed, made a cup of tea and shortly thereafter realized I think I'm sick. I have this sexy, rough radio voice today. ha. I was freezing and so I decided the only remedy was to run a steaming hot bath and bring the tea with me. I soaked for nearly an hour in the hot water and sipped tea. I took me 15 minutes or so to get through the task of washing my hair. I officially feel like crap and I'm sorry you had to hear about it.

On a happy note - Music.
Pour it all over me. Let me soak in it, drink it up, kick my feet in it, splash it up on my face. Thank you for sharing music with me and keep linking your blogs so I can roam around and see them.

I wrote to someone today and wanted to share a bit of that here. I was pondering it in the bath. I'm done with feeling miserable. I've done so for quite some time now. My old blog reflected that well and had a dead weight attached to it. I'm so so happy that I deleted it. It's refreshing..it has lifted a huge burden from my shoulders. When I was feeling that way..writing was often a salve or a balm that would soothe me some. I want to write it all for ME. But in writing that way and exploring other blogs I realized it's a popular topic..misery. Many people are unhappy and while I understand this..let's not prolong it. I think writing stuff has helped me to work through some things.. especially to be able to go back and witness the feelings I had that day and such. The technical act of deletion has been a release for me. Finally throwing out something you knew you should've long ago..or finally emptying that shoebox of love letters and burning them. There's that quote that says, "There's a certain peace that always follows a decision, whether a good or bad one." That's so true. I've made some decisions and we're moving forward.

The chill is gone.

aww, what a lovely Nazi. heh. This one's from Mark Ryden. His stuff is beautiful. Fucking amazing.

I can't remember where I got this from. I'll try to figure it out to give credit. It's a picture I love. I definitely want to be 'Alice' in this picture. . .

Housekeeping?

So, DSL has me smitten. Oh sure, lots of you have already been living post-Stone Age but not me. I'm excited and it still has lots and lots of novelty. One of the novelties I discovered today is downloading music. Again, don't send me your stories of 50 gajillion mp3's and 17 iPods overstocked with music.. Allow me to swim around and splash in this newfound novelty, k? Anyway, on several blogs I read they post music sometimes and I always want it but it's generally a huge time investment of dial-up, tying up my phone line and then waiting for an hour download. (is this the part where my caveman conks me on the head with a club and starts grunting as he tugs me around by my hair?) Ooh. That made me squirm. SO, now I have a minute or 2 of download and then some music to explore. Good Times.. Send me music. I've changed the email address on my profile so just click and send me somethin'. C'mon, it'll be fun!! If I were willing at the moment I'd figure out how to upload some music of my own.. assuming I have those capabilities? I'll work on that.

Also, I wanted to ask if you happen to read this and you have a blog of your own (and aren't commenting) please do so! That's fun too. Really. Link your blog so I can read it. Comments are always fun.

For 3 weeks, she sleeps, through the rain.

It's cool and rainy this morning at my house and I wanted to just sleep the day away. Hopefully today I'll find out when I start my new job. I'd like to write a bunch more today but at the moment the words won't come.. Perhaps later.

It's a new day indeed.

I write this with a sigh of relief. Things are better and I'm making changes..fresh, good changes that lift this burden I've been lugging around. More on that in the future.

My heart is light today..it feels good. I'm starving.

More good news: My DSL is finally working!! That's very exciting news to me. I'm gonna go rouse someone for dinner. Fare thee well!

Regret.

I'm overflowing with it today.

Last night I hurt someone I love dearly. It was unintentional but I did it. I've lied to people I care about and to myself. There's not much to be said on the topic right now. I'm so disappointed in myself and my disregard for another's feelings. I'm nauseous with disgust for what has happened. Sometimes I'm a very slow learner. My other blog has been permanently deleted and this one may disappear very soon.

Things are not good here. Things are not good at all.

And to the person.. again.. I'm so, so sorry.

Coffee Talk

I hate to sound like the old guy sitting on his red stool next to you in the local diner but damn, "How 'bout this weather?" It's cold and absolutely pouring here at my house. In the fifties currently. Hi. I dunno if you realize this or not..but, um.. IT'S AUGUST!! I'm not complainin' though, trust me. This is a perfect evening. I wish there were guests here. I wish we were all nestled in the living room with candles and music and some food. Sound good? Come over. Seriously, come on over. I feel very welcoming tonight. (this is an occasion) heh. Nights like these are nights to be shared with another in your bed. Mmm..

Today is nice.

I was reading 'smitten' and she brought to mind a song I love. that Buddy Holly song..

"Everyday, it's a gettin' closer goin' faster than a Roller Coaster..love like yours will surely come my way.."

Only, in my head.. I hear it sung by the girls in Gummo. good film. good song. Mm..

Sometimes..

but only sometimes.. I can be a verbose, somewhat cheesy Twit.

I always carry a little notebook with me. (i'm crazy, you see) so, here's the junk I scribbled in my little notebook that day, that random day a few weeks ago.

"Drinking coffee, having a cinnamon crunch bagel. The top of the bagel is crusted with big, sparkly, raw sugar crystals. I'm alone, very alone and surrounded by people. It's Sunday and the Church crowd is coming in. I wanted a paper but forgot to ask while he rang me up and I have no cash and so I'll wait. I'll pick one up tonight after work.

After work. After my new job. After working at this new job that I hate.

I have 32 minutes until I plan to leave. I'm sitting at a booth alone. How selfish of me. As the place gets more crowded with the Jesus-loving folks in their Sunday best they will give me dirty looks as they pass me to sit at the small table across the way. I want a cup of water but I fear losing my lovely window seat. Ravenous mongrels. Long lines with hungry faces, sandals worn with socks and loud talk of saving graces. Bite #5 of my bagel.

Oh, the lovely spaciousness of my booth. Ha ha - sit elsewhere - this one is mine - I was here first! Na na na boo boo and all that nonsense. It's mine. I wonder if someone would ask me to move. Khaki shorts, nice polo shirt, tidy hair and a fancy stroller with twins peeking out. All well groomed. la ti da. I sit alone.
I stare if I feel like it, I get overwhelmed with sadness - but nobody looking in today can tell - not even the perceptive ones. It's a pretty day - a lazy Sunday, chance of rain. I don't want to go to my newly acquired - HORRIBLE job. My pen is running out. Talk of babies behind me and motherly advice.

More staring.

Breathe and be prepared for tonight, today. I told her I'd try to give it 6 months and I never want to return. Get lost in a book.
Pull my hair up. Have to keep it up at work to help prevent it from being pulled.
Alone.

My heart feels ugly and Hard."

My sentiments exactly.

I can relate to this post from E over at jockey so so much.

Here's a little snippit if you're too lazy to click..

I feel my physical need right now is throbbing and secreting fuck me vibes everywhere- and its covered by this crumbling thin crust of social pretense. its very irritating to me. I am very very frustrated. its not sexy or fun, its horribly stressful. But its not like I can just go fuck some random man and get what i need. It wont be any good- for me I need to be connected to the person, and I dont WANT any more faulty man connections. i dont know. I just know i am going nutzo and i have to do something. I cannot possibly masterbate any more than i already do. What a measly little band-aide it is for the deep wound in me. All the hurts that need to be fucked out.



* really.. i couldn't have said it better *

Have you seen me?

I dreamt of my dad. They were sort of ugly dreams and I woke up confused.

I'll be acquiring a routine soon and I'm thankful for it. Yesterday I had my first interview since quitting my jobs and they hired me! Yay! So I'm now just a schmuck, not an unemployed one. heh. By the way.. you know I always want to do my part to help you learn something so did you know that the literal Yiddish translation of 'schmuck' means penis? Perhaps I shouldn't go around calling myself that. I am a girl afterall. So, my new job is at a bank. It will be a different gig for me because my last 2 jobs, I worked at them both, simultaneously, for 2 years and they were both in social work. (that sentence is a disaster) Those jobs sucked a lot of life from me. I'm 24, I now look shriveled and 98. Surely I jest.

Today I'll go get my drug test for the new job. I was up studying all night. har. har.

I'm planning a "housewarming" party soon. It won't be exactly that but a hip happenin' time here in my new place. Ahh. Good times.

Hope your day is nice. Since I have to go get this drug test and it's fairly close to Target..I fear I'll be forced to go. Muwahaha!!

Oh.. and.. crappy part of new job? I have to dress up EVERY DAY!! Oi. As of now I don't own such clothes. This should be very interesting.

Do you recycle?

Energy Level is non-existent today.

I'm intrigued by you.

Plans changed last night and I was out, no cleaning to speak of. I need/want to get in there and go at it but I think I could just fall off to sleep any moment.

Nothing good today for you.

Spinach is very good for you.

Jem, soothe me. Pulse in my belly and lift me up. Pick me up. I'm here on the floor in an awful heap.

Twilight Zone music fingering your ears in a very crude fashion..

You always claim that you don't like it, but then you are entranced and you stay.. You allow it.

Happy Friday the 13th.

I'm really excited about this evening.. I have lovely plans of cleaning my house and trying to imitate the amazing 'salad' I consumed at the Sushi House. You know I'm getting either old or boring when these are genuinely exciting Friday night plans for me.

Last night my best friend was here. We sat in the middle of the floor in my living room and ate grapes while disclosing secrets we'd never told anyone. I've known her nearly 18 years and now and then there are things we keep to ourselves... from the whole world and even each other. I think this is allowed. It's not because either of us is a bad friend.. Well, anyway.. It was great..really great.

Job update: I don't have one, however.. yours truly does have an interview Monday morning. I emailed a resume today and about an hour later they called to set up an interview! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

"A pleasant surprise is in store for you."

That's the message a fortune cookie delivered to me yesterday. We all like fortunes like those, right? Well, my friends.. a pleasant surprise was indeed in store for me! When I came in the door tonight I stumbled over a small package. Turns out, someone really great (and not just because he sent this) sent me, little ol' me, the Morvern Callar soundtrack!! Oh wow. a) the soundtrack is amazing. i'm in love. 2) surprises are sooo much fun!! In the movie, Tully, there's this really great scene where he finds this cassette tape she's been searching for. She loves it and thanks him much and he replies.. "I just wanted to try and surprise you." He says it like it was a feat.. a little miracle. What a kind thing to bless me with music, my one true love.

And now, kids.
About my day!!
Today was a good day.
It seems like it's been awhile since I could say that without perhaps faking a half-hearted smile. I spent the morning reading the Sunday paper. (so it's Wednesday now, what're ya gonna do?) I did some job search related tasks and was then invited to a friend's. I passed immediately as I was deep in productive-mode and feared the slightest thing (say, a butterfly out the window) catching my attention and holding it for the rest of the day. I went to my friend's home after a long shower and was indeed productive. Afterwards, we rode bikes!! Oh man.. it was so fun! We rode on a trail by the lake and along a little brook and then all over the crazy streets with CARS! whew. scary. I was convinced I'd be run over but I survived. We rode to Sushi House and had some amazing Japanese food. I had this wonderful 'salad' made of blanched spinach with this very hearty sesame dressing. I loved it. For the meal I had some soba noodles and we warmed our bellies further with hot sake. After dinner we were full but not heavy laden and thus rode for awhile longer and then back home. The day was absolutely beautiful and the night air crisp. (It's August and I just said crisp..and not in that fried-skin way. ew) We were gone for about 5 hours on our bicycles so we put in a few miles. As cliche` as it may sound.. I felt very alive at the end of the day. I've been very sullen as of late and today was good. The sunshine, the exercise, the air..all very lovely things. After awhile at home we sat on the grass in the backyard..in the dark and had a bit of ice cream. We pondered whether 'lightning bugs' or 'fireflies' is a more charming term. I'm feeling a bit syrupy sweet at the Summer air this post contains.

Heh. When I had first signed on here to write this I was bombarded by questions of whether or not I got a job yet. This, sadly, burst my bubble a bit and I hope I was able to adequately get across the excitement the day held. For awhile today, I was free.

And.. in case you were wondering about my fortune some more.. My lucky numbers are 6, 15, 22, 24, 36, 37.

I will definitely ride my bike tomorrow. It's good for the soul. I meant to also tell you, really good music with some harmonica in it is also good for the soul.

Once, after a boy had captured my mouth in a kiss..

He told me I taste good.
I asked what I taste like.

He replied, "Like leisure. You know, Summer and ease and promise. Leisure. Also, maybe apple butter."

I'll give him a reassuring pat.

My computer is feeling rather inadequate today. I informed him that he doesn't have enough memory to run our new DSL and since then I've had to keep reminding him that size doesn't matter. poor guy.

On a happier note, I think the problem may be solved by someone being all too generous!! Thank you.

By the way, for those of you inquiring.. I'll let you know when I have a job. Until then, leave me alone about it! Oi vey smere!

aww. mark ryden creates such pretty things for me to look at. (and you too) www.markryden.com the pink bunny is suckling.. Mmm..

Who knew it could all spiral downhill at such breakneck speeds?

Soo..yeah, the surprises were great. I LOVE surprises.. but, damn.. sometimes, gimme a call if yer stoppin' by, ok? I love surprise visitors but.. 'alas. shitty timing. I had a surprise visitor today and it sort of just ruined/sucked away voraciously at my entire fucking evening. I had all sorts of glorious alone plans..productive things on the list, but no. My surprise visitor rode his fucking BICYCLE here from Leawood, left early this morning...got here this evening.. Ugh! Anyway, he was all tuckered out so I got the honors of driving him home and then driving myself back. Sure, an unemployed schmuck like me has loads of cash stashed everywhere just praying it gets spent on petroleum products. (ok, vaseline could have seriously been way more exciting. Mmm.) So, anyway, the only redeeming thing about said visitor is the fact that he rented a movie FOR ME. That's a cool concept, i might add.. He totally thought I'd dig it so he rented it. We watched a 'short' that was at the beginning and I did all in my power to get him moved out the door. He came in and made himself totally at home.. Usually, I love this. Rifle through my fridge, sprawl out on the floor, find something on the horrible television... just, tonight wasn't the night. Oh well, I've certainly made it much more dramatic than it really was. His solution to the problem was to merely spend the night with me and ride his bicycle back home tomorrow. (he does have a car, by the way)

I'm going to jump on hello and see if I might be able to put up a picture on this new baby blog. I do love pictures. Write something to me.

F003: the Tag inside my Pants.

Have been out and about all day, productive but not in the 'tracking-down-a-job" sort of way. Friend dropped by and brought me this random care package that had exciting things in it..including good coffees. Mm! Came home from the out and about portion of the day and there was a squeezy horn on my door, which I've now fully come to realize it's from a friend's Moped. The friend stuffed some rolled up things, scroll-style, inside the squeezy horn. Included inside the horn were: 1 straw wrapper from Dairy Queen with my name and some cute stick figures drawn on it, 1 coupon for a free video rental at Hollywood Video (!!!) and 1 strawberry flavored condom. ha!! The last item crammed into the squeezy horn made me laugh very much. I should've snapped a photo with the trusty phone. It was charming and I feel loved. Thank you, thoughtful people.

and.. I've been enjoying this blog, belonging to kj. Since I've come out of the closet about where I live (Kansas City), I'm exploring a bunch of Kansas City Blogs. I have lots and lots of blogs listed on my other regular blog (Unknown to you, dear reader) but am wary about starting to list them here as many of them will lead back to my other blog. whew. I'll start posting links soon. Does that make sense? Do you care?

I want a dog.

Will it be just another manic Monday?

white barrette in my hair, a rabbit.. always makes me think of "Chase the White Rabbit." do it.

had a lovely outing a bit ago to fetch a Sunday Paper. Being a free spirit [read: Unemployed Schmuck] can be scary sometimes. If you're hiring, call me. heh.

In the meantime, I want pretty words and lovely pictures.

I got new sheets.

It's a Girl!

Aww.. a new baby blog has been born. The gestation period was certainly hastened by my impatience. I have one of these elsewhere and it's been around for nearly a year but I needed my own place to play and thus, this blog was created. I don't like the template much and I'm horrible with making modifications but it will do for now. Pull up a chair, stretch out on the floor, breathe deep and stick around awhile. I promise to have some delicious morsels on here.