god. disclaimers galore. gross.

I created a MySpace account some time ago because a friend (come over!) from college suggested I do so. I asked.. "Should I put my real name?!" The idea of people finding me from the past made me feel a bit uneasy. Now I am being found by people both from college, high school, elementary school even. That's neat and also annoying. Sometimes.. I don't wanna be found. I wasn't hiding there but I was laying low and last night I wrote up this big disclaimer. I gave myself some fine print. I have perused some former classmates' spaces and have read their Christian blog entries about their disappointment in the way people have changed. Personally, I breathe a huge sigh of relief at the some of the ways in which I've changed and I love to see how other people have changed and are growing. So, I started thinking I'd just delete that thing and then I thought maybe I'd just be careful about what I wrote and then I thought, fuck that. It's liberating to just be myself. At the risk of being so cliche.. I don't want to censor myself. Anyway, that all felt a little high school.

Another disclaimer: If you stop by on occasion to see if my ol' man is dead yet.. that's kind of soap opera and shitty. That's partially my own fault for writing about it here. It just felt really weird to me to think that a few might just kind of be getting off on the drama. Err, is that the point of blogs? I don't even know.

And finally.. one of the scariest things that's ever happened to me....happened yesterday. I was babysitting a baby that I watch a few times a month. He has RSV and is on medicine and stuff but still wheezy and congested. He rarely cries but I laid him down to change his diaper and he got upset. He'd been super warm and majorly cuddly and not happy I'd put him down. He whimpered and whined through the change and then I went to throw his diaper away. He started crying much harder when I walked into the kitchen. I got back into the living room and scooped him up and held him against me. He was silent. I held him in front of me and his eyes were bugging out. He was choking and couldn't breathe. His face looked terrified and his mouth was just wide open. A thousand thoughts instantly pelted my brain. I very firmly started patting him on the back. Finally, the baby gurgled and coughed and began crying again. Oh my god. Oh my god! I was so, so scared! Wow. whew. He spent the rest of the evening with his face buried in my neck and his baby hands clutching me.

Picked Husband up late last night from the airport. I had checked online to see the status of his flight and it was running 15-20 minutes late so I thought in order to take advantage of the 30 minutes of free parking I'd go ahead and leave a little bit later. I think the flight got in a few minutes early instead 'cause I got there and everyone had already gotten off. I found husband at the water fountain. I pushed him. I was sad I didn't get to watch for him and see his face. He was sad/mad? he didn't see me when he got off. We waited for E V E R for the luggage to appear. They let us wait a long time then finally announced that they were short on help and it'd be coming shortly. We were a community waiting together.

Today I'm drowning in sneezes. I'm in a dead panic as I have several tests all this week...2 of those in my anatomy/physiology class. I'm scared. I have a study session for my reality and human existence class later this afternoon and know I'm not at all prepared. Test Monday, two on Tuesday, another Thursday. Damnit. I'm gonna burn myself a "feel great and study 'cause this is really important" CD and get to it. Time for me to stop being a slacker.