scarf it up.

If you see me on the street these days it's best not to touch me, especially do not squeeze. I would most certainly bubble over instantly.

PS there's a droplet of water busy seeking the path of least resistance

scott radke

trivia.

I was reminded of a bit of trivia by Zulieka's post.

Mozart was born the same day as my husband and died on my birthday. Ooohh..

Born January 27, 1756 in Salzburg
Died December 5, 1791 in Vienna

Because I will, inevitably, forget..

January 28th
Saturday morning
10:30 am

(I am all too often ungrateful)

We slept in late. It rained all morning long. I woke up every hour or two and listened to the rain for a few seconds before nestling down and falling back into sleep. After we both woke up for good we took our places on the couch, me under a blanket. Grey and raining outside, we watched cartoons. We occasionally joked or kissed. I said to the both of us, "Man, we are so lucky to be able to do this." You agreed. We warmed up leftover chinese food for lunch. What a great morning.

Don't worry, though.. I'll be back to my cynical self later this afternoon.

through the beer mug.

a tribute.

If I was in a string orchestra I'd say, "Hey, guys! Isn't it about time we did a string tribute to crock-o-crap?!" And everyone would say.. "YEAH!"

So, here it is.. my string tribute to crock-o-crap...my life partner, my best friend,

*Deep, cello intro*
Husband,

We met back in good ol' 00. Remember 00? I loved you then..a lot even but it doesn't compare to now. Being married to you is just so damn much F U N! I can't get over it. You're perfect for me. (If I were cool this is the part where I'd write something that doesn't suck.)

Anyway..

Happy Birthday. love you.

um..

when catten takes a shit downstairs it sounds the same as if he were carrying out an elaborate remodeling of the basement with bob vila knocking down walls, putting up new ones.

seriously.

what's he building in there?

am i living? not very well.
it's quiet and i'm alone and these seem like blank voids. I'm struggling to push some information into my brain and I wish there was someone else here to study with and talk with and should, could, would. Lately I find huge chunks of nothingness happening. I turn around and think, uh..what did I do these past few days? Nothing? Where have I been? I blink and flutter and try to orient myself to rightside up again.

I call my husband to talk about nothing and mainly it's because I only needed to hear his voice and he's being funny and I hang up warm. I can't wait to see him again. I smile and turn up the music. I light some incense and think about how great it was to have a friend here and I'm going to dip back into that recent memory over and over again to get replenished. It was nourishment. She is nourishment. It reminded me of the person I want to be that's inside of me.

On my mom's refrigerator on a piece of paper she wrote in big, black letters with a marker.. "I'm not where I want to be but thank god I'm not where I was!" I hope that's where I am. Am I? I was losing my breath in a muddy pond of guilt today but there's a pile of books next to me and a fresh breath in my lungs. It will be a good day. I decided so.

Are you doing ok?

zzhhh.

Frozen and feeling intensely disorganized. With all these evening classes I feel like I've lost some of my evening time to regroup and organize. Seems I'm always on my way out, en route.

I can only move a day at a time and am slip sliding.

To my cohort and partner in crime, "T":

Your time here was so goddamn good. I started trying to describe it and it just wasn't gritty enough. You are a brilliant, gorgeous, amazing person and I am so grateful for time spent with you. It was an event. I hadn't spent time like that in so long - maybe ever? Thank you, thank you and I can't wait to do it again.

realization.

i'm kicking myself because i missed grey's anatomy unintentionally so i could futz with the computer and all fer nothin'!! blargh!! what a grey grey day.

h e l p

Our wireless internet connection seems to be working flawlessly yet nothing wants to play with it!! The browser says, "No, thank you." The messenger says, "NO way!" How do I bring these together? We've got a green light for go and all signs point to connected. How can I convince my browser, etc.? Help.

my future.

I found this clip via Raymi.

Poodle girls workout. Disturbing as hell.

by audrey.

weird.

Tell me what you think of this..

Think what you want but I have an ad on craigslist. (Is my desperation not obvious already?) I do random odd jobs from there. I've actually done some quality stuff for people that have found me there. So last night after I got home from class I had an email from another person that had found my ad. This was from a man and his wife needing a sitter. His wife is in a string quartet and performs across the country. They were on their way to KC for a concert this weekend and their sitter fell through so they asked if I'd be willing to watch their 5 month old baby in their hotel 8 hours a day Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They're from Boston but were in Utah last night, flying into KC today.

I was indeed willing to watch their baby. Lucky for them, I'm not a fucking psycho. I felt like I was making some shady deal. The situation is strange on its own but I asked Husband if he could imagine doing that 'cause I can't!

I'm not a parent but I'd feel weird doing this same situation for my cat and I'm not a crazy cat lady. Can you imagine finding a babysitter on the internet, talking to her on the phone a few minutes and deciding she could watch your 5 month old baby?! He asked, "We'll just give you the key to our hotel; is that ok?" The reason they needed a sitter was because one had fallen through but he emailed me this morning to say they got it covered but still may need me a few hours. Scary. That was so weird to me. In a situation like that someone could take all their shit, order some fat room service on their tab and make off with the baby. Damn.

I'm so B O R I N G!!

B O R I N G

boring

borrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrinnnngggggg

oatmeal.

I'm just home from Anatomy & Physiology. I ate a big bowl of oatmeal. I'm listening to an acoustic cover of Cindi Lauper's "Time After Time." It pretty much sucks. How do I post a song here?

If you're lost you can look and you will find me.

I am kind of having a minor panic about all the bills that are due. School is major killer on the finances. I got an email today saying I never paid my tuition deposit for nursing school. FUCK. Complete oversight. There are so many things due now, all at once and I've been scared to call the business office at school because I don't want to know how much more I owe them. News article about credit reports sends my brain whirling. Glance at the bank account, feel guilty as a schmuck wife and realize none of that is paying $$$ so I might as well stop.

school!

Note the enthusiasm. It's genuine even!

I'm so excited about this semester. My Anatomy & Physiology class is huge and I was daunted but after the pep talk my professor gave this morning I'm ready to raise my fist in the air and proclaim that I will not be beaten!!

All my classes seem like they are going to be mighty challenging but also very interesting. I bumped into a few people from my chem class last semester and they inquired about my grade. For once, I didn't mind telling.

Last night I dreamt that my old job at the lockdown facility sent me some paychecks they'd forgotten about. (Oh, how awesome that would be about now!) I stopped at the store on the way home for sprouted bread, brussels sprouts and the like and ran into a co-worker from that job that I haven't seen since I quit. heh. weird.

These are the slightly mundane happenings of my day thus far. I'm feelin' good.

cy.

Sure, this is old news but I'm slow on the draw.

My life partner showed it to me.

Link to Snopes.

"complicated"

I figure if someone calls themself complicated - there's a real good chance they're not.

write.

Why don't you update your blog more often?

When I'm at home being a slothy sloth I need to be able to check your blog every 15 minutes or so and see something new. Get on it! Now I have to be back in school and you'll probably start updating 430 times a day and I'll miss it!

Or, probably not.

chirp.

these birds get pretty excited because i give them food.

sunshine.

the kitchen window.

blinkitybloinkblop

I finished my Bukowski book and want to get another. My roommate is sick. I like the word "nubbin" and "nib." My friend from collegio is driving 3 1/2 hours here. We are going to do stuff. I want to drink gin and like it. Probably, though.. I won't.

He's coughing now.

noted:

(These are some noteworthy things of my day)

The guy I interviewed with this morning wants to hire me and I work a mean kettle, folks.

This afternoon I was in the living room messing with my bra. It was sort of twisted so I lifted my shirt up, released the girls and untwisted. About that time I heard a voice and looked up to see a man standing at my front door staring through the screen at me. We made eye contact as he shouted, "Brought yer phone book!" I went into the kitchen and yelled a thanks to him.

Swapped classes again so started a new one tonight. Morality in Healthcare - very interesting.

Classmate behind me wearing his 'Brewology 101' T-shirt.

Full moon and Friday the 13th... oooohhh!

Randomness overload today. I guess none of this was very noteworthy. School feels good.

sloth.

there may be hope for me!

"Slow is beautiful!" - The Sloth Club




this is me being slothy and happy.

glurgh.

oh

hi again. it's me.

i think this Daisy Martinez lady should not have her own cooking show. I guess I won't have to worry about seeing it. I feel like I'm about to leave for this long trip. I must remind myself to be SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO incredibly fucking grateful for this detestfully lazy semester break i've had. I have been such a disgusting, detestable sloth. I promise to make up for it in the weeks to come (love you, husband).

Serious for a second. My husband (i wish i had a pseudonym for him) is so kind and generous to allow me to turn our little world upside down and go to school. I am thankful for him. He makes cash that lately gets mostly funneled into these bills that I have created with tuition and books. I hope he feels better about the money going to school as opposed to a credit card bill racked up on shoes?

Real Simple is like the one magazine I read. It and National Geographic are the only magazines I've ever had subscriptions to. So Real Simple has a show now on PBS and it's annoying as hell. Everybody's doing this smooth thing with their voices that is making me want to punch them. My brain's exposure to excessive television is causing it to go rancid.

I need to make a decision about these classes in 15 minutes. That's the deadline I'm giving myself. I'm split right down the middle. I'll feel better after making a decision but what's the best decision? Hmmm.... My incessant posting is more annoying than this show. sorry.

nestled.

01-12-06_1209.jpg
Originally uploaded by pomegranate pretty.

I love when he lays like this with his head all curled up and his paws tucked in.

zzzrrrrtttt.

Uh oh. Theo was hiding his "Car and Woman" magazine and his mom found it when she knocked off his calculus book. Mrs. Huxtable says: "This is demeaning to women, Theo!" tsk tsk. I said to my roommate something about how don't you hate when you bring up some old show or commercial or toy from our childhood and then there's this "OH HHHH OHOH I remember that!! I LOVEEEEEEEEEEED that show/commercial/toy/etc." I'm all about relating but I hate those conversations. So whatever, I'm watching the Cosby Show.

I had that interview and when I got home found a big fat box waiting for me on the porch. It is filled with my textbooks and I'm so excited to open it! I'm serious.

A class petitioned for me has a spot now and I'm decided whether to take it, drop the other I was in, etc. blah blah. I don't know. It's all about schedule. weeeeeeeee.

So I decided today I'm going to take a nap, watch bad TV, look at books and post here a whole bunch about nothing really. I'm even going to post a picture of my cat when I'm done with this. Ha!! Take that.

If I decided to change my schedule I'll have class tonight. It's a theology class. U G H.

updowndate.

Some questions included in my interview this morning:

Describe what type of person you are
Name some of your favorite bands
Do you know how to use a tea kettle?

stampede.

This story is just unbelievable.

fidgety.

I have a job interview this morning and I'm nervous as hell. It's not your typical job interview but I guess mostly, it is. Right, so anyway.. the job is helping this disabled man in his home do all the things that people do. I'm interested in the job and feel that I could do really well. The only part that maybe concerns me is that he's my own age. Will it be awkward?

I hate set-ups like these. The initial awkwardness of finding someone I don't know and introducing myself and all it involves is nearly too much for me to bear. They are simple social interactions but they make me freak out. I've been worrying about it since yesterday and this morning I'm all fidgety and nauseous. Ah! Get a grip! This used to be the most natural thing to me. I probably would've even been excited and now it's awful. There are a couple of you that have or have tried to meet me and you'll understand that it's near paralyzing for me. Can't hardly do it. I figure the best way for me to handle it is to talk about it maybe, take a long relaxing shower, wear something I like a lot, get a good cup of coffee and give myself plenty of time. It's not that big a deal. Perhaps I should try this approach for the dentist.....?

destroy.

I hate to post again because then Miranda July's picture won't be at the very top peeking at me or you anymore but it is inevitable as I am insane.

Napped with the best napping partner this side of the Mississip and it was warm. I woke up needing to throw up - my boiling stomach again/still. I've been wanting to buy some pills because one time my doc told me to take those over the counter ones and they'd help. The problem is, they're really expensive. I was sitting here reading and couldn't concentrate. The way my stomach felt was making me fidgety and nervous. I've been drinking tons and tons of water with this idea in my head that I can wash out some of the acid. (Did you make it this far?) I didn't want to buy those pills but decided I had to see if they'd help as this is plaguing me. I mean, if it were an ulcer...I think it'd be different and the fact that they're caused by bacteria makes me doubt more that I have one. So, I put on some pants and drove the short distance to the drug store. The bottle of 50 was on sale - $4.00 off the regular price. Nice. I snatched it up along with ruled notecards for anatomy and physiology. At the counter the eccentric old man ringing me up was boisterous and smiley. He stashed my purchases in a crinkly little bag and at the end muttered to himself a second and then scanned a $3.00 off coupon. I have no idea where it came from or what it was for but I wanted to lean across and hug him. I was ready to bite the bullet, desperate for some relief. I feel better already.

pink.

i consider miranda july very talented.

me and you and everyone we know.

what a good movie.

The Drifters

The Next Big Thing

Learning to Love You More -- i want to do this, i think i'll pick #52

spending a lot of time on that site right now.. learning to love you more.

please look at the video documentaries of kids - #3 on the assignments.

and

by the way..

I wasn't going to say anything and then I was trying to decide which route to go but I've decided to just say this..

In regards to my green post of 1/07:

My god, people.
Do you think I'm a fucking retard?
Apparently the answer is yes.
I'm so disappointed in you.

school.

Listen, I go to school. It's what I do. I also have lots of bills. It may get old but for now these are the things I often talk about and we're all just going to have to deal with it. I'll title these posts "school" if they are mainly school related so you just feel free to skip over these or...any others you may want and we'll co-exist in relative harmony. Now.. how are you?

I've just returned home from one of my schools. I have two others. The homely community college I had so dreaded may weigh in as my favorite. It's nice there and I like the fact that we're all coming and going. When I was in college before I lived there and that's just a different world altogether. It was social. Now, school is school and I like it that way. I like that most of my friends (while few) are not tied to school. I like that my home is home and not tied to school. I like that my husband is no longer tied to the.. what?

Anyway, I had never been to this particular school so I went there and wandered all over the campus. Things were all very grey and quiet. It felt like Fall and the campus maintenance crew was busily raking and blowing piles of leaves. I walked for a long time through stone buildings without seeing another soul. I eventually paid 1/3 of my bill +$75.00 for being allowed to pay only 1/3 instead of 3/3 at this time. Nearly $100.00 of my bill was "matriculation fee" and some other bullshit technology fee. The cost of school really gets me down. All of this makes me laugh when the 18 year olds in my class think they're truly getting away with something when the professor doesn't give a fuck if they skip most classes. I'm no sage but they have no clue they're only hurting themselves. All the parents say "amen" because I realize it feels 100% different to me now that every dime of tuition money comes from me (my husband).

So, on with it. I bought books after paying money. I'm only taking one philosophy class there and the fucker requires four books. F O U R books! The two books required for my anatomy & physiology class were $300.00. Everytime I go to pay for something these days it's 3, 4, 5, 6 hundred dollars. Ouch. The pinch is leaving bruises on us. In a year and seven months I'll be graduating with my BSN and then maybe I'll have fun, gory stories to tell you. Too bad all these nursing majors seem like such weirdos. Homely is a good word to describe a lot of them physically and mentally. I'm in a good mood today. I am ready to be back in school. I have spent a good portion of my Christmas Break drowning in guilt - my own fault - but am ready to be back to school. Of course, don't point out I said this in two weeks when I'm sniveling about how my classes/professors/classmates/tuition/etc. suck. heh.

!!!

Oh my god!!

Winner Notification





IRISH GOVERNMENT ACCREDITED LICENSEDIRISH WEB LOTTERYIS REGISTERED UNDER THE DATA PROTECTION ACT OF(Registration Z720633X).
The Irish Lottery
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Ref: LSUK/2031/8161/05
Batch: R3/A312-59

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Please note that your lucky winning number falls within our European booklet representative office in Europe as indicated in your playcoupon. In view of this, your 550,000.00 pound sterlings would be released to you by anyof our payment offices in Europe(UK).
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TEL:+447023051346
That way your Winnings Certificate and all other relevant documents/paperwork can be prepared for you. Note that all prize funds must be claimed not later than One month. After this date all funds will be returned to the LOTTERY TREASURY as unclaimed. In order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications, please endeavor to quote your Reference Number(LSUK/2031/8161/05) and Batch Number (R3/A312-59) in every correspondencewith your agent.Furthermore, should there be any change in your address, do inform your claims agent as soon as possible.
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Good luck from me and members of staff of the IRISH LOTTERY.
Yours faithfully,
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Online Co-ordinator for
IRISH LOTTERY SWEEPSTAKE PROGRAMME 2006.



I won 550,000 pound sterlings from the Irish Lottery! Is that a lot?!

bungalow.

what a fun word.

The heating bill for our cold little bungalow was over $200.00. People come over and say, "Brrr! Your house is always cold!" Get out your sweaters, I pushed the thermostat down even more. Damn it.

ick.

That last post was ugly and made me want to slap myself in the face.

Next to me on the couch - the most beautiful creature - singing - "La la la la la la la."
We will look adorable at age 77. Oh, one should not make such plans?
A cup of italian roast split between two, these two.

I bought a book by Bukowski. That's -- what is it? I'm a "poser" or something?
Whatever, I want to read his words. I looked at a cookbook for $50.00 and we mused over the fact that all those letters strewn together were worth money. heh. A basic concept.
I also got another book - a classic I'd never read. I got one of those super cheap ones, identical to the plain paperbacks they pass out 20 copies of in high school. Oh, and lip balm, Burt's Bee's Honey balm for Malm.

burning.

I wonder how you tell if you have an ulcer? If I said "I think I might have an ulcer" my husband would say I'm a hypochondriac. If he's in pain he refuses to take any sort of pain reliever. I'm not sure if it's the masculine factor or the drug factor? And so I'm curious to know if I have an ulcer. My stomach constantly feels awful. It's always burning and churning, full of acid and constantly on the edge or toppling over into nausea. I vomit at random. I'm going to read what the internet has to say. I'm sure momentarily I'll have a whole lot more than an ulcer. heh. I kid. I kid.

pomegranate

acid.

My stomach is boiling inside. Gross.

If I don't get out of this house soon I'm probably going to tug my eyeballs out.

Said house arrest has made me long for school to start. I'll retract that about a week from now.

Dear School,

I don't have anymore money to give you. Please stop asking.

love always,
me.

I'm going to buy books online today. Two days ago I had dinner out with a little friend and haven't left the house since. I need to see people. I need wireless internet.
I'm going crazy. aldfjasbpoiwerhaszxvc;k;[[qwerioppoikl
bah! seriously.

bubbles.

True testimonials: "Apples to apples is fun, man!" - "Oh my gosh, this makes me laugh!"

I stayed up late last night while my husband tossed and turned. I got sort of absorbed into a death cloud. I googled images of dead people, suicide, suicide letters and then started scouring rotten.com. I'm not sure if you've ever been to rotten.com but it will suck you in. It literally is a train wreck you can't look away from. Every time I go there - afterwards I think, damnit, I told myself not to come here. After at least 2 hours of staring at people's mangled faces, a body boiled to death, hands in meat grinders, goiters the size of my torso, dismembered hookers and more I went to bed. That was a load of nightmares waiting to happen. For some reason I like reading the suicide letters posted there. heh.

I spent a time with Dad and he told me everything. He said when I was ready he'd tell me but I needed to have my shield up and I said I was ready when he was.. So, he told me all he knew and I explained that I cry because I overflow and that it's ok and it's ok if he cries too. I had never had a conversation like that with someone looking at death. It's just a fucking whirlwind. I was glad to be there with him.

I'm making my mom some CD's. Yeah, mix CD's. One is "Songs to drink beer to," another is "songs that will probably make you cry but in the end they lift you up" and another is "songs i like i've always wanted you to hear."

i'm sippin' on ginger ale.

face.

I killed my dinner
with karate
kick 'em in the face
taste the body
shallow work
is the work that i do
Do you wanna sit at my table?