a-HEM.

I'm a little bit frazzle dazzled. Somehow (doesn't seem complex) I continue to allow school to suck the life from me. It slurps and guzzles the life, no dainty sips and when it's finished slurping - it belches and rubs its belly because really I've got a lot of life in there and it just gorges itself on my succulent life marrow.

*****

Case in point: A couple nights ago I was in the living room typing away on a study guide I was working on to exchange with the rest of my class. I was flustered and discouraged and tired which seems to really be my daily uniform these days. The doorbell rang and a glorious vision appeared before me in which I remembered that earlier in the day I'd seen a lady at school delivering the Girl Scout Cookies people had ordered from her and realized that the ones I bought from the cute girls that came to my door were to be d elivered in January. I quickly tried to think if I had cash to pay for them and simultaneously imagined the taste of Thin Mints. (I know.) When I happily swung open the front door to collect my loot, there stood a stammering boy at the edge of the steps offering me a subscription to the KC Star. We're not big readers of the local paper and if we want it on occasion there's a metal stand on the corner three houses down. I politely declined and he continued explaining the mind-blowing deal and again I politely declined. At this point he seemed annoyed to be walking around in the cold, dark and being refused, rejected, denied by myself and my neighbors. He started doing this strange shrugging his shoulders thing and mumbling something about "Whatever" and "BlahblahmumbleBye." This action was just enough of a prick into my already deflated self to get pissed. Roommate asked me if he was being rude, I started laughing hysterically at the boy and then slammed the front door as hard as I possibly could in his face. I hoped it was a huge "fuck you."

Tonight Discover Card called me for probably the 30th time. I've asked respectively on several different occasions that they please go ahead and remove me from their list as I'm not interested. My tactic progressed into a simple "don't call me!" into me playing games. I'd either answer and hang up on them immediately or I'd start pressing buttons and holding them down so they'd get an ear of touch-tone. None of the above tactics worked as they continue to call multiple times a day. Often I come home to a machine of messages that go something like this, "Hi! Can I talk to pomegranate pretty, please?! - pause - Hello? HELLOOOO. hello?" Anyway, all of this to tell you about today. Discover Card called me again, asked for me, I confirmed and he instantly responded, "Please don't hang up on me." What? Ok, alright. I listen, he explains what they are offering, I decline, he explains further, I decline - ask again to be removed from their list and he continues to explain. I wish desperately I had a recording of this for you. My week's frustrations bubbled over into me almost-but-not-quite-yelling at him saying I've asked multiple times to be removed from the list and to please, please actually take me off the list this time. I couldn't stop going off on him. I just kept reiterating, "TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST! TAAAKE MEEE OFFF YOUR LIST! DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN. I don't want the card now or later or ever. Take me off the list" and on and on I went while he talked right along with me talking about the card and informing me that I didn't even understand what the offer was. After a barrage of take me off's I hung up on him.

I wish I'd had something more clever to say. I was blinded by raging annoyance. I could've just not answered..

*****

Got the newest Joanna Newsom CD, Ys. I read lots of bad stuff about this album just now, post-purchase. I love the album. Love.

*****

This week was my first week of pediatrics at Children's Mercy. Cool hospital - hate pediatrics. I hate it, hate it, hate it and I had a really cool eight year old boy. I felt all sorts of out of my element around all the kids. People looked at me like I was Satan after asking me if I loved pediatrics SO MUCH and I emphatically told them no. "Awwwww, you didn't like all those cute little kids?" Are you fucking delusional? Is that what you think it was, me playing around with cute little kids all day? Even my mom seemed disappointed and wanted to know if I thought I might reconsider working in pediatrics. Perhaps it just sounds cute? It sounds altruistic? It's not for me.