Thursday Trickle.

That wreck thing yesterday was surreal. I guess after I drove through the middle of all those wrecked cars they shut down I-35 for awhile. At first I was that my clinical instructor let us out 15 whole minutes early and I was wasting it all plus some sitting in that mess and then when I saw all those cars I thought holy shit and then later I thought oh it wasn't that big of a deal but then even later I thought, wow that was a big wreck/s. In the end it was 40 something maybe?? I never watched the actual news story about it.

I'm drinking juicy juice fruit punch and feeling exhausted and gross. The babysitting gig is not working out but I don't know how to tell my friend that has no other options I can't do it. She doesn't have money to pay someone and who wants to babysit overnight 9 pm - 7 am two little bitty kids. It's not usually a big deal if I'm sleeping too and just have to get up a few times to feed/change the baby but if I'm trying to study for a test and then decide to snag an hour of sleep and such then the baby wakes up and it's a total nightmare of unrealness the whole night. You know how that is when your brain feels all drugged up and your body is just tired as fuck and you're stressed and it seems you can't win and it also seems simultaneously to never end and be over so fast.

I'm so grumpy and no fun every single day mostly and I was talking to my mom and she had all these cute plans for today and she kept telling me to stop babysitting!!! and lecturing!! me about it not being my problem and this isn't right and whatever. Those things are really irrelevant. It sucks and she's in a desperate situation. I don't know what else to do. Also, driving from Lee's Summit to school sucks in the mornings. Sheesh. Right, so anyway, my mom tells me I should go take a nap or something and I'm like, but I wanna do stuff!! and I'm yawning and she has this voice that sounds like, "I don't know what to do with you." I grumble about how we could hang out but we don't have to or maybe we could over the weekend or I should go be productive or I don't know. I think she felt sorry for me so she told me she was going to let me take a little nap and then she'd come over to hang out with me. Haha. I'm a stupid baby. We'll hang out and then I'll go babysit. more haha. I feel like a lead weight.
Where are you?