Louse.
I just came in from outside where I sat on the back porch and cried. I am, admittedly, a baby. My body is not good at being pregnant yet. My beautiful husband called me on his lunch break and it made me cry to hang up because I want him here and he sounded soft and loving. I feel like I'm not handling this well. I had hoped I could get my game face on and trudge through this sickness. I mean, how bad could it be? But 'alas, that's now how I'm handling it at all. I vomit and sleep and writhe and groan and today I cry. I've lost 13 or 14 pounds since I found out I was pregnant. Monday I start orientation for work and I'm hoping I can get through that without being a baby. I'm not glowing. I'm scared and miserable and a little guilty because COME ON. There are people experiencing real suffering and I'm complaining. A few more weeks of this maybe. It IS going to be totally worth it. I need to look forward and stop wallowing in this.
You're probably totally sick of hearing about this already and sick of hearing my wimpy apologies for it but I have more to say. I can't wrap my head around it yet but this is a huge change for us and it's a change we weren't prepared for. It's an unplanned change. It feels like overnight I've become one big cliché and I don't like it. I'm sad and confused right now and amidst that my body is in a complete revolt against itself.
5 comments:
You should really setup a date with my wife. I completed the deal the first month she went off the pill, but her plan was to not even start trying until October. She has her freakout sessions.
Belated congrats, btw! You are not wallowing in the slightest. My cousin has a really, really difficult time during her pregnancies (she's on her third) at first. Some women do. It's a big change for you and your body (and your husband), so please go easy on yourself. :)
It's not you!! You're body is being flooded with all kinds of fun hormones it only gets to see when it's pregnant. This, too, shall pass.
I think this is why pregnant women eat ice cream. It makes them happy again. Hell, I'm not even pregnant and ice cream makes me happy.
congratulations Pom! Pregnant women are unbearable during the first couple of months. I know because i was awful. But it passes and there's a reason why babies need 9 months in the womb. So that you get used to the idea. There is time, you'll see, you are going to start feeling better soon. xx
thank you, thank you, everyone.
thanks.
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