Well geez.

I left for home 2 hours ago from Overland Park. On I-35 there was a wreck. I'm tired so this is an unexciting description but I must've counted at least 20-30 cars involved in the pileup. I haven't heard anything on the radio or the news yet. It was an insane wreck. I've never seen so many cars involved. Emergency vehicles of every kind, people everywhere, ambulances hauling people away, people still in their cars with the airbags deployed and all around, pretty little flakes whirling about.


*UPDATE*
Oh, here it is. It was 35 cars. I lost count along the way.

It's not productive to long for March.

I have got to get my tire fixed. Every morning I slide into that last parking spot of three next to the air machine at QT because it's leaking, the tire, and I have to replenish it constantly. This morning that meant lots of waiting and finally going to a different QT to wait some more and arriving 10 minutes late to clinical. I had no idea you other people were also experiencing morning tire things and also liked to crouch down next to your car and feel the arctic wind crawl up your back and try desperately to keep your underwear from showing to the cars at the intersection waiting for their green light to Go.

The day was great and I'm excited about the great clinical instructor (FINALLY!!) I have for the next three weeks. She's so organized and informative.

After I got home from clinicals this afternoon I put food out on the table for us to eat and afterwards I slept slept on the couch taking up the lower third and a portion of the middle and being so confused in the evening while the phone rang and the TV zizzed. Now I woke up and there's homework that desperately needs to be done but I think I'll go to sleep. I feel overwhelmingly sad. It might be the lecture the hellth dept. lady gave me yesterday, (Thanks, Connie for the complete obliteration of any slippery thread of self-esteem I might've been clinging to that day.) It might be that hazy cloud of confusion that can often accompany evening naps and you wake up to the darkness outside with a "what time is it" and a "where am I supposed to be right now?" It might be my constant questioning of myself. It might be the really bad hair day I had. It might be the tire and the paperwork I have to go drop off after clinicals. I abhore tasks like that. "After clinical drive across town completely out of the way to hand someone a piece of paper and then turn towards home where you'd already be right now without this errand." Also the evening/overnight babysitting is tomorrow and I've come to start dreading that on the Fridays of the week before. Two babies alone is just exhausting. I also have a huge test Thursday and it's impossible to study there and I need that time to study the night before.

Today was mostly a day of exploration and orientation at the hospital (seems like a nice'ish one) so tomorrow will be the first day of OB action and the first day is always scary and somewhat awful to me and my nerves get the best of me. I hope four am doesn't get the best of me but I'm in charge here, damnit. Those things can only get the best of me if I let 'em, right?

My words change but still I swim in the same stagnant pool looking for the shoreline to get out, up and out. Endless complaints and confusion and feeling tired and gross and often alone. This sadness tonight comes completely unexplained. A friend at school was talking to some others about her experience with birth control. She used the brand I use and said she had to get off of it because it made her have insane mood swings Jekyll and Hyde style. Not to make a scapegoat of the birth control but I've always felt a bit strange about it, like I'm playing tricks on my body in a bad way. Don't get me wrong, I want the protection but perhaps I investigate further.

I am down so often. I'm angry and lonely. Perhaps the first two help contribute to the latter and vice versa. School somehow takes a lot out of me. Maybe I battle it too much. This is enough for now. I should go to bed. Treat me kind, 4 am - I don't know you from the front, only from behind.

I'm hungry.

Food waiting on the stove.

Spent a soul-sucking afternoon at the hellth department today.

Roommate's birthday was fun, grand fun yesterday at O'Malley's with friends. I took photos until my batteries [read: batteries] died. I'll post a heap of them tomorrow or .. eventually.

OB clinicals begin at 0530 each morn and are located twice as far from home. At least I'll miss traffic.

Tonight I need to write a paper on sex addicts. Right, let the jokes ensue.

Today at school we started the morning/day/week with a horrific video on child abuse. Just the uplifting sort of thing I needed this morning! It was more like a crappy slideshow turned video with just piles of horrible images going by and music and weird voiceovers. It was at one point showing said horrible photos with black bars across babies' eyes for privacy and playing Canon in D. What? Different heart strings, pal. When it ended my cuckoo bird teacher chirped, "I just love that music!"

Happy Birthday, #1 Roommate!

Today is roommate's birthday. Twenty-seven on the 27th. He's the greatest roommate! I had to think really hard to come up with that, right? I wish my brain had enough jiggly goop in it to come up with something heartfelt and clever..

Ok! Happy Birthday!

And also I'm the most boring person alive.

Here's a numerical %age breakdown of what I do during an average week:

40% of time spent at school
20% spent hating school, feeling boring and uncreative and not like myself and watching TV
10% eating
30% sleeping (actual mathematical calculation)

Total slump city. I don't even feel like myself anymore. I am the most boring roommate a person could have for real. Not so much do I see friends ever. I only do stuff when I have to (like cleaning, homework, anything somewhat productive). It's only deadlines that keep me afloat. My mom and grandparents have more exciting social lives than me. Compare County of Slump City. Fairly gloomy place to reside. I wish people occasionally asked me to do things with them.

As seen on Mighty Goods.

The Rejuvenation Tea Set.

I would love to have this but it looks totally unnecessarily indulgent, especially when my most recent favorite tea I purchased in a box of 20 or so for $1.49. I bought it as I'm a sucker and it claimed to help bronchial stuff but I really do love gingery, minty things. Delicious tea. Those beautiful pyramid bags and saying "silken infusion" outloud can really get to a girl! I love the tea cup. Also, the teardrop set is cute to the maxx.

We don't own any luggage.

Well my darling friends, our plane tickets have been booked. We will be gone eight days and seven nights. I'll need much help from some of you that have lived/worked/played/visited these cities. Lane.. Toast.. I'm so beyond excited! We're going first to Portland and then after four days we'll fly down to San Francisco for another four days. We've never flown anywhere together and have never ever taken such a vacation together. Deliriously excited! Roommate will be seeing the ocean for the first time! C'monnn, March!

grape tomatoes spilled.

new sheets and pillow cases - 100% modal, the softest ever.

chocolatey brown and pale blue.

Impulsive.

Reading this post from Melissa at Suburban Bliss. She mentioned this product, a scented balm I want to rub on my wrists. I might be a sucker for neat packaging but I really liked this site, L'OCCITANCE en Provence. Also, I was excited because with your order you may also choose to have a) free gift wrapping materials sent to you and b) you may choose three different free samples to receive with your order. Shipping however was the same price as the product I ordered -- eep. Humorous sidenote: After my purchase I went to this silly little module they have to help you choose a scent you might like and after I went through it choosing first how I feel today and second a place I'd like to visit it popped up with the scent I'd just purchased. Lucky! Online shopping is of the devil and I am his servant.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

This morning class does not start until 9 am so I thought I'd nestle back down in bed for a bit but instead I've stayed up and listened to KEXP and read. I also just made a cup of tea. It's better this way.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Best song I've heard all morning - from Rock Plaza Central, "How Shall I to Heaven Aspire." Oh, that just changed. Now a song from Tom Waits' album Orphans, "On The Road." Fantastic! I love this station.

Oh also, Roommate and I are booking our plane tickets today after his time off is approved. I cannot yet tell you our destinationS. My roommate's sister said in response to my telling, "Why would you do that?"

Hope you have a good day.

Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls and of Amanda Palmer.

I don't know if you have myspace but I do and I am not generally friends with musicians or bands or fan sites of the aforementioned but I am "friends" with Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls because she blogs and I love reading it. I wish it was located somewhere other than myspace so i could direct you there. Her myspace is at myspace.com/whokilledamandapalmer. Here, I'll link it you lazy sod! Anyway, this is probably horribly bad myspace/internet/blog etiquette but I want you to read what she wrote and so I'm putting it here. What follows is not mine, it belongs to Amanda Palmer. I'm pouring out floods of credit on her for it. It's long but worth it. Work your way through it. Take your time.

Here as I'm about to paste it I feel like it's just too long and I feel invasive putting her words here. If you can't look at it a) join myspace heh. or b) i'll email it all to you.

*UPDATE* Here are the same words on blogspot thanks to len. As he said below -- The Dresden Dolls Diary

I need to hear some Elizabeth Cotten.

A bit ago I wanted to go out in the snow and cold and buy some food to eat but that was just my hunger talking so I ate some tortilla chip crumbs and now I feel better.

Looking at 3191 (linked in the sidebar) makes me feel so good, so calm, inspired to make for myself better mornings (which equal, to me, better days). My mom gets up hours before she has to be somewhere (up at 4 to leave by 6 and so on) so that she can sit in her kitchen and drink coffee, wander around outside, watch the news, etc. She says her day feels all wrong if she doesn't give herself that time in the morning. If I have extra time in the morning it's usually enough time to think twice about whether I have everything I need and then scatter in a flurry.

We recently purchased/watched Band of Brothers and it was so good. I loved it.

I have heaps of homework I need to finish today. Err, start AND finish.

I feel super guilty that yesterday sucked for all of us but man it did. Nephew was a terror and I was fresh out of patience after an hour with him. He screamed and slapped and slammed about. I spoke firmly and timed out and sighed heavily about. I was no fun and was mean to my roommate in the process of it all. Honestly I felt completely defeated by the end of our day. At one point it was decided (not by us) that he'd just spend the night because of the snow but in the end he went home.

Post # 667

I hate to report -- today fucking sucked.

Drunk on inspiration

Doesn't happen often lately.

All of my blabbering about children has put me in many a child-sandwich lately. Tomorrow a full day of nephew 11a-11p. I was dreading it but after an hour or so of floating around amazing pictures and words and the creations of others I've aspired to just love on him all day tomorrow. I wanted to get a lot of cleaning done and perhaps we can smash a bit of that in without being too un-fun. Other than that I think we should wander around and shatter ice and go see a movie over a bucket of popcorn and have cold noses outside and make dough to knead and on and on it goes. How negative nancy of me to have already dreaded a day full of oh-what-will-we-do's.

In which I talk too much.

Nursing isn't fun to read about. I honestly don't like hearing nursing stories that much. I don't like talking about nursing that much. I don't like saying outloud much to myself or others, "I'm goin' to nursin' school!! Imma be a NURSE!" It makes me feel soft and annoying. I'm not that soft. I'm not that nurturing or giving or altruistic as I said before. I'm kinda selfish. (count the "I's" contained here) I'm also not at the cold, hard opposing end of the spectrum. [ROYGBV] That's makes me like, yellowish green?

This whole part about me not wanting to work with kids isn't because my heart breaks too much seeing bald kids dying of cancer. Don't get me wrong, that's fucking shittastic and we all know I'm not Cancer's biggest fan but that's not why I hate it. I really just do not mesh well with children or children with their parents. It's strange to me then when people observe and say they could really see me working with kids. What? Are you kidding? I'm completely out of my element (P.S. anyone seen my element anywhere?). I feel awkward and bumbly. To be honest, my favorite patients are gruff adult men. We get along well and they feel comfortable cursing around me. My last patient on the cancer floor referred to me as his apprentice for two days. Our "relationship" just worked. Maybe I am used to people like my dad?

Kids and I have always pretended we could be friends.

I've always done all sorts of jobs working with kids and I wanted that to be good, ya'know? People admire those that work with kids. I can't tell you how many times while being at Children's Mercy people first ask if [we] want to work in peds and then they gush over what a "special person with a special heart" it takes to work with kids. I guess I wanted to have a special heart. I don't. I always worked at Vacation Bible School, I worked summers in Christian camps for kids, hell I spent a summer in Alaska working every day with KIDS. (blah blah blah, go me) My first "real" job (err, only "real job??") out of college was working with kids that were locked up and then I worked for three whole days in a home for sexually abused children. "Oh wow, " people would say, "that's so tough. That's so neat you work there!" It fucking sucked! So I clash with kids. I clash -- with kids. My nephew, I'm crazy about. Best friend's kids, I love. I love them in my heart. I've come to know them. We've come to know each other. I guess I'm rather awkward and bumbly with most anyone I don't know. It's ridiculous that I felt the need to "justify" not wanting to work with kids but really I wanted to talk myself through it and understand what it is I hate about it. I sound totally like one of those people I can't stand listening to, the kind of person that acts all unaffected. "Sure, I could slice a kid open, no big deal -- it doesn't bother me one bit!" Somewhere there in the middle is where I am. Not too soft, not too hard. I'm not tough, I'm not very sweet.

And here's what I hate about hearing nursing stories. (Please tell us!) Nurses tend to tell stories about somewhat gruesome things sometimes and mostly for shock value. They will claim otherwise but that's what it's for. Going in as a new person that knows nothing will suck because nurses (you know, those altruistic bitches) ((sorry, heather -- not you!!)) are sometimes rather high and mighty. If I saw something horrible my first day and told another less-green nurse about it, she'd come back with something to the effect of, "Oh that's nothing, I've seen a bazillion times worse." Of course you have. The same thing happens with new moms. They're deep in the trenches battling out sleepless nights and experienced moms can sit back and snicker and say "Oh just you wait! You think this is bad.." Err, it is bad. It was bad for you too. Perhaps once a person has reached that point they feel they've earned it? But who doesn't like a little sympathy now and then?

So essentially, sometimes I think nursing is lame. (a lot of the time, ok)
I'm bad at describing myself and also why bother?
It was probably super lame reading this if you read it but consider it for my own record.
I just read this whole thing outloud to my roommate and the lame level shot through the roof.
How does a person come off as humble but not self-loathing?
How does a person present him/herself as confident but not egotistical?
Fine lines.
Sometimes stream of consciousness is a bad idea.

The usual smattering of mish-mash.

I've been listening to a lot of Joanna Newsom and TV on the Radio lately. They both serve completely different moods.

One more day at Children's Mercy. Thank god I spent today in the ER. Finally I got to see a myriad of things, work with a lot of different people that were all very good at what they do and really feel like I left having learned some valuable skills. I also am able to further recognize that working in pediatrics is [still] not for me. In correspondence with a great friend that kicks ass at what she does, always, she told me that last semester she had some moments where she really felt like this, nursing, is what she is to be doing. (I swear to god, whatever she's doing -- she's kicking ass and taking names doing it. Me, I tend to just hang on by a fraying thread) I can honestly say that not once during this program have I felt that feeling, that assurance. Am I not listening hard enough? Did I choose poorly? Am I not dedicated enough? Is nursing the right career choice for me? Am I wasting this time going to school? WILL I EVER KNOW? I've never been doing something and had an enlightening moment when I said, "Yes, this is my calling." Have you? Do most people have those moments? If they do -- do those moments take place before say, the age of 50? Will I simply learn and grow with time? How many million other people asked these exact same questions of themselves and others today?

Anyway, how many days until Spring Break? (That's a poor attitude to have, isn't it?)
Spring Break (official start): March 11
Graduation Day/Pinning: August 11

A serious question and petition for advice.

In March I have Spring Break for a week. Roommate has vacation time waiting to be used and I would love to go away and get a life marrow injection. I've only left the country on a couple of occasions and Roommate has never. We've also never flown anywhere together. He's never seen the ocean. I'd like to plan an 8-10 day vacation for us in March and have no idea how or where to start. What's Scotland like in March? New Zealand is nice that time of year? I need help with ideas of where to go and advice, information, knowledge on how to go about planning, preparing for and navigating such a trip. The whole of that seems overwhelming at first but I suppose one simply chips away at it bit by bit planning and carrying-out. It may be a matter of semantics but we've never taken a real vacation. I so desperately want to, in March and selfishly, also in August after graduation/before starting a new job. Any help? Lisbon? Location ideas? Advice on planning, plane tickets, travel abroad?

Yesterday.

After driving home from Friend's house in the morning (babysitting adventures now every Wednesday overnight and Thursday overnight with baby Z and baby J, 17 mos old and 2 mos old); right so after I drove home I left again. I salted the walk out front and part of the driveway before heading off to the two places everyone else seemed to be - the movie rental store and the grocery store.

I picked up a couple of movies as it was obviously slim pickin's. (does pickin's have an apostrophe?) heh. Afterwards I stopped at the grocery store for just a few weekend supplies, including but not limited to: beer and soda. I didn't get a cart because I knew I wouldn't need one. At the end of my spree with arms loaded I made my way to the overloaded cashier stands. There were people everywhere lined up. As I was about to step into the line at cashier stand 10 I dropped the six-pack of beer bottles (did I think a six-pack would last all weekend anyway?). The bottles shattered beautifully and foamy beer puddled everywhere. I set all of my things on the ground against the magazine rack and went to tell someone I'd made a mess. This last step wasn't really necessary as everyone else was plenty able to do that part for me. The next time around I committed a major taboo and bought PLASTIC bottles of beer. I was scared of a repeat-performance. Tip for you: If you happen to be the 47th person to walk by the scene of an incident such as this, don't be the same ol' dickwad and announce something about "Oh my god, look at that mess! -- Whoah, somebody broke all those beer bottles. -- *gasp* -- Geez, did you see that?" We get it.

a-HEM.

I'm a little bit frazzle dazzled. Somehow (doesn't seem complex) I continue to allow school to suck the life from me. It slurps and guzzles the life, no dainty sips and when it's finished slurping - it belches and rubs its belly because really I've got a lot of life in there and it just gorges itself on my succulent life marrow.

*****

Case in point: A couple nights ago I was in the living room typing away on a study guide I was working on to exchange with the rest of my class. I was flustered and discouraged and tired which seems to really be my daily uniform these days. The doorbell rang and a glorious vision appeared before me in which I remembered that earlier in the day I'd seen a lady at school delivering the Girl Scout Cookies people had ordered from her and realized that the ones I bought from the cute girls that came to my door were to be d elivered in January. I quickly tried to think if I had cash to pay for them and simultaneously imagined the taste of Thin Mints. (I know.) When I happily swung open the front door to collect my loot, there stood a stammering boy at the edge of the steps offering me a subscription to the KC Star. We're not big readers of the local paper and if we want it on occasion there's a metal stand on the corner three houses down. I politely declined and he continued explaining the mind-blowing deal and again I politely declined. At this point he seemed annoyed to be walking around in the cold, dark and being refused, rejected, denied by myself and my neighbors. He started doing this strange shrugging his shoulders thing and mumbling something about "Whatever" and "BlahblahmumbleBye." This action was just enough of a prick into my already deflated self to get pissed. Roommate asked me if he was being rude, I started laughing hysterically at the boy and then slammed the front door as hard as I possibly could in his face. I hoped it was a huge "fuck you."

Tonight Discover Card called me for probably the 30th time. I've asked respectively on several different occasions that they please go ahead and remove me from their list as I'm not interested. My tactic progressed into a simple "don't call me!" into me playing games. I'd either answer and hang up on them immediately or I'd start pressing buttons and holding them down so they'd get an ear of touch-tone. None of the above tactics worked as they continue to call multiple times a day. Often I come home to a machine of messages that go something like this, "Hi! Can I talk to pomegranate pretty, please?! - pause - Hello? HELLOOOO. hello?" Anyway, all of this to tell you about today. Discover Card called me again, asked for me, I confirmed and he instantly responded, "Please don't hang up on me." What? Ok, alright. I listen, he explains what they are offering, I decline, he explains further, I decline - ask again to be removed from their list and he continues to explain. I wish desperately I had a recording of this for you. My week's frustrations bubbled over into me almost-but-not-quite-yelling at him saying I've asked multiple times to be removed from the list and to please, please actually take me off the list this time. I couldn't stop going off on him. I just kept reiterating, "TAKE ME OFF YOUR LIST! TAAAKE MEEE OFFF YOUR LIST! DO NOT CALL ME AGAIN. I don't want the card now or later or ever. Take me off the list" and on and on I went while he talked right along with me talking about the card and informing me that I didn't even understand what the offer was. After a barrage of take me off's I hung up on him.

I wish I'd had something more clever to say. I was blinded by raging annoyance. I could've just not answered..

*****

Got the newest Joanna Newsom CD, Ys. I read lots of bad stuff about this album just now, post-purchase. I love the album. Love.

*****

This week was my first week of pediatrics at Children's Mercy. Cool hospital - hate pediatrics. I hate it, hate it, hate it and I had a really cool eight year old boy. I felt all sorts of out of my element around all the kids. People looked at me like I was Satan after asking me if I loved pediatrics SO MUCH and I emphatically told them no. "Awwwww, you didn't like all those cute little kids?" Are you fucking delusional? Is that what you think it was, me playing around with cute little kids all day? Even my mom seemed disappointed and wanted to know if I thought I might reconsider working in pediatrics. Perhaps it just sounds cute? It sounds altruistic? It's not for me.

Seriously?

Without any disclaimers or expletives from me (oh wait, that was a disclaimer), I offer up this to you, an email I received from a person I went to high school with. I can't wait to see what people say in response to this email. Tony, for instance. Please, fill my comments with your opinion on this email. Perhaps at the end I'll add my own comments.

(Not sure if the huge, bold, pink font will cross over from the email though. Sorry.)

Reminder: I did not write this.

Weather Bulletin - Denver

Up here, in the "Mile-Hi City", we just recovered from a Historic event--- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

FYI:

George Bush did not come.

FEMA did nothing.

No one howled for the government.

No one blamed the government.

No one even uttered an expletive on TV.

Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.

Our Mayor did not blame Bush or anyone else.

Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else, either.

CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snowstorm. Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.

No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.

No one looted.

Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.

Nobody expected the government to do anything, either.

No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera.

No Sean Penn, No Barbra Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found.

Nope, we just melted the snow for water.

Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars.

The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.

Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snowbound families.

Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.

We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.

We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die".

We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate."

It does seem that way, at least to me.

I hope this gets passed on.

Maybe SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living.

Please respond..

miranda july inspires me.

My blog smells like hiney.

great taste.

A few minutes ago my roommate was listening to a song that includes these lyrics: "Jesus drives a Trans Am on a highway to heaven"

Currently he's listening to one that says: "Is that your cock?/Let me see!/I wanna ride it like a Kawasaki!"

I can so greatly relate to this post from Melissa.

I love reading her writing.
She inspires me.
I love this post of hers.

I'm 110% in "Maintenance Mode."
That's so it.

January?

It's cold in here but man when the sun was up it sure was lovely outside, eh? I celebrated by grilling hamburgers outside and they were gooood. My nose is cold now.

Test tomorrow, test Monday, test Thursday. Sheesh. "Welcome back to school!" I guess it's actually about seven months until I graduate. I think it's August 10th that I graduate, give or take a day. That's pretty exciting and do-able, I think. I think? Oh sure it is and maybe after I work a year or two I'll start working on a Master's degree alongside? We'll see. The thought of more school makes me wanna stab my eyes out with hot, 4-pronged forks.

My cousin had a baby today. It's her fourth. She's a few months younger than myself. Wow, speakin' of hot, 4-pronged forks, right?

My roommate just put all the clean dishes away and is now folding laundry. hot.

I should study for my test before I go sit on babies. Now at least every Wednesday and Thursday I watch best friend's two wee ones overnight. A one month old and sixteen month old... Holy birth control all around. So hoping that the newest one will sleep a good portion of the night and go back to sleep easy. HA!! I'm so naive.

Chewy spree.

I also ate some cauliflower at dinner.

Doing a bunch of school stuff online is nice but also super suckalicious without internet accesss or when their server goes down. Sometimes I just want some paper and ink.

frizz.

I see you everywhere. I see you in every white trash type person with fried bleached hair. In every gravelly voice made after 35 years of smoking, I hear you. I see your ugly, wrinkled up, fake-tan face with its tattooed on ugly ass makeup that has faded and changed colors three times over. I see you in every whore. You haunt me in my dreams and I waste energy hating you. I just want you to go away.

All is quiet on New Year's Day...

I was looking up those lyrics to the U2 song and saw that many a blogger had chosen that as their blog post title today. I'll just join the club.

Took down that last post about feeling mean towards my mom. I called her back after I posted that and apologized for always being so crabby on the phone these days. She then asked if I'd been sad about my dad lately to which I responded with tears. We talked a long time.
She spent New Year's alone.

We spent ours with friends, food, drink and lots of hilarity. I laughed so much last night.

I'm glad the year is over. I'd dare say it's been one of the worst of my life.
Wow, uplifting!

Joe Miller: I'm sorry I never responded when you were going to bring the book over. I freaked out about seeing a person I know online -- offline.

Tomorrow: Back to school!