Yippee!! I just got presale tickets to damien rice for May. Rock. My ass is still bleeding from the anal rape Ticketmaster did to me.
If anybody's interested I somehow found the lil' "top secret" presale password. Whatev. Tickets go on sale saturday, 3/3. If you wanna go too hurry and get tickets and come along!!
xoxo
fuuuck
I've spent the last 34 minutes trying to write this 8th grade level paper on ecstasy. I love how on top of all the insane shit nursing school makes us do they include retarded shit like busywork papers to write. In 34 minutes I have cranked out 65 words. Rock on, that's almost 2 words a minute. My paper for this class last week covered varying recipes and methods to making meth.
I seriously type for a couple minutes and then I stare into space or start looking at blogs I've already read 3 times today or create new stations on pandora. My self-control is outta control.
This weirdo from college (laura) started sending me messages on myspace and she said, "How are things?!" like she was interested and I briefly said things were ok and never heard from her again. What a fucking social study or some shit. It was like, "NO, wait! I'm the one breaking up with you!" after the fact when I sat there blinking. She probably had to go pray for me.
I'm tired from doing not much today.
I'll pay you $20 to hang out with me.
I'll pay you $20 on top of buying you lunch/dinner.
But don't order the lobster because, well... lobster is a disgusting sea insect that should not be eaten, k?
I'd like to go see TV on the Radio on st patrick's day.
Sometimes I have a problem with doing that.
Right now I'm thinking about making plans.
I spent a lot of the day pondering the future.
I figure a person shouldn't get too caught up in such an activity.
Maybe I should start an advice blog.
I need some.
I want some advice.
My mom is helpful.
Some of these are "growing up" type questions.
My dad would have straightforward, opinionated answers.
I want help in making the decision of where we might live next.
If we move it won't be until the end of June so that's 4 months away.
But still I've been thinking about it and even looking at houses to rent.
There are two houses for rent by the same people I'm really interested in.
I want those situations where you sit down
talk to others
share opinions
ask questions.
This anti-social lifestyle is not very conducive to those activities.
When my dad was sick I spent a lot of time pestering Dan via email.
Not ready to buy a house but ready to be somewhere fresh.
Need to live closer to jobs.
Advice Blog.
Maybe?
Figure it out for my damn self?
I stayed home from school today and baked bread and listened to music.
Also I cleaned out my car (!) and did laundry and listened to music - mostly bonnie prince billy.
I've been watching the L word. Staci let me borrow her season 2 and 3. I've watched some out of order before now and even seen a couple episodes of season 4 on now. The episode I just watched was one of season 2. Bette and Kit's dad dies in it. When he dies, in Bette's home, she calls out for her sister, Kit, and she comes running in and they both just lay on his chest. Kit sucks in this huge breath as she starts to sob. When she did that I couldn't breathe. Somehow it felt good. I felt like it took something out of me, a little tiny piece of my pain maybe. Maybe I shared it with two characters on TV, two characters acting out a reality that billions of people experience.
Lately I have been awfully smitten with blogs that are very, very simple. I'm in love with the photos people share. I love looking at what people have for breakfast, the way the light looks coming in their kitchen window. I've been innately drawn to pale blues and white and tons of light. I get all floaty and dreamy-inspired.
The rain today gave me permission to be lazy and so I relaxed and cleaned out half of our kitchen cabinets and the refrigerator and I bought a brown umbrella. I didn't own an umbrella. I didn't use it today though. I left my last umbrella in an 8 am philosophy class.
I'm listening to KEXP right now and I turned it down low because my roommate is sleeping but then I had to turn it up and it's just the right choice of music for now because it's just a bit of thrumming bass and some strings and the occasional drum slap. It's just riding along underneath me.
Cake Batter ice cream.
Buying too many things online lately. How can it possibly feel like spending money when I just type in numbers and packages arrive at my door?
I see family members on myspace but they don't see me and it helps keep me abreast of things like relationship changes...
I can't wait to meet portland.
Secrets. I have secrets inside right now. I've had a bit of insight into what sort of nursing I might [might] want to do but I don't want to tell anyone, not even myself.
Huge guilty pleasure: Reading blogs of those that have recently given birth.
I need some paper bits.
I love staying up late.
I just bought this bag for myself. I looked at it weeks ago and coveted it. I've been looking at it again and again and decided today to just get it.
Ok, we're booked for Portland. We decided on the Inn @ Northrup Station. Molly from Orangette told me of the "Jetsons" like hotel and we ended up going with Location over anything else. However, I don't even know what area to stay in when it comes to San Francisco. I'm fairly clueless. What neighborhood should we stay in? Any hotel recommendations? I'm needy. I know. I'm going to try to book it tomorrow.
**** NEVERMIND **** We have a place to stay (for $67/night).
Tired here. Test tomorrow, sitting on babies in a little bit. Not prepared for test and ready to call it a night. I'd weep with joy if this baby slept through the night. He sleeps for generally 3 hours at a time so that's ok. I won't complain. Our schedules just clash. heh. If I stay up late studying, by the time I'm falling into bed the baby's waking up for a nighttime feeding.
Enough of that.
I dreamt last night that I was outside in the sun. In my dream I knew that later there was a good chance I'd be sunburned some 'cause I'd been wallowing around letting the sun warm my skin all day.
This weather is amazing.
I'm rockin' steady today.
I've been continuing to blatantly avoid all things school related. This is very bad.
Right now I'm doing ambulatory clinicals so we do to various outpatient type clinics, daycares (?!) and developmental centers. We each get a work-day to do this family assessment somewhere in the next 3 weeks. Mine happened to land today, the first day of these new clinicals. Tomorrow I'll be alone at Children's Mercy in outpatient.
I spent the day with Mom wandering outside. We ate Indian food for lunch at an undisclosed location that I thought sucked. Not long into the meal I took a bite of something that seriously made my stomach take a nose-dive and then shrivel up and hide up against my backbone. It was a total combination of horrible taste and texture. I'm cringing thinking about it. At that point I was done. I couldn't bear anything except some more naan and more water. Please, god more water.
The grill is firing and flaming in the back. I'm grilling hamburgers because I like to do that sometimes when the weather is rockin'. What a total respite from the S.A.D. right?
Today in the mail I got the envelope containing all things required for ordering graduation attire. G R A D U A T I O N attire. Let's hope I'll need it. I'm a dweeb and also considering ordering just a handful of announcements even though maybe that's like having a second baby shower? I don't know etiquette, I'll just be grateful to be done -- for awhile.
I seriously hope you're spending as much time outside as possible.
Can anyone let me in on the secrets of a good place to stay in portland, O and San Francisco?
Roommate not into hostels
Neither into $250/night
Bed & Breakfasts: not so much
I continue to love Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls.
More inspiration here..
I have got to get myself "unplugged" soon.
I'm back to oozing negativity. (stating the obvious)
Here are some things I told Roommate that I hate: When people say, "That's sick!" or "He's so sick!" as in..nasty, outrageous, disgusting.
Also, I hate when people say, "I've been in this business for XX years!" Nobody gives a fuck. We're not blown away by your expertise there by default having "been in the business" so long.
I also hate when people don't want to be my myspace friend but hey that's cool, losers. Suck my twat. I even just put up a brand new picture of myself with an awesome white kitchen wall backdrop! It's as awesome as a walgreens passport photo taken on a day when you're feelin'/lookin' like steaming poop. I see some of you on other kansas city bloggers' myspaces and think that maybe I'd want to be your friend but OH WELL.
I've pretty much been hating school and life lately and that's so old and pathetic. I'm just overflowing with self-loathing. Lame! D gave me great advice about some sun and heart-pumping. Both do wonders for my outlook. In my OB rotation I was really struggling so I started making sure I got up early enough to make myself a cup of really great tea that I love to take with me (matte latte from whole foods). I also went to bed early so I could get whatever decent amount of sleep a person can get when waking at 4 am. (night shift here I come) I literally tried to force myself to just keep the attitude of "I am here to learn." This did wonders when the nurses were annoyed by me or my patient was annoyed by me/student nurses in general.
I wrote out some sad blah blah blah about my dad on myspace. He's been in my head heavy duty lately. His wife is still trying to sue my mom and that's really hard. I really feel like we/my mom have no protection against her. What's "Right" doesn't matter. She just gets to do whatever the fuck she wants. I'm desperately hoping my mom doesn't get f'ed in the A. She (the wife) has done it to multiple people in the past.
So I don't concentrate on school. I rarely do homework anymore unless it's going to be physically seen. I wait until the night before to even begin studying for tests. I turn in paperwork late. I hate those qualities. Last week I just sat and cried on two separate nights. I couldn't stop. I'm so fucking pissed my dad is gone, damn it. Just plain pissed. We had a lot of shit left to do with one another. We had a lot of laughs and fights and tears left to share. He wanted to take me on a roadtrip with him on his motorcycle when he was feeling better. That was his plan.
March cannot come fast enough. I read a review of an amazing thai place and wanted to find out where it was and it's in Portland, Oregon. Best thai food in the northwest, they say. We're SO going there. I think we have 18 days until we leave.
I keep thinking I should make myself take a long hiatus from the internet, using it only for school. I while away the hours, consortin' with the virtual web flowers.
Also, our vacuum has stopped doing its job of sucking. Any advice on a good one? We got this one less than three years ago and now it won't suck. Probably it's clogged or something but I've shoved my hands in all its many orifices. It was a relatively cheap one that happened to have a HEPA filter. Don't recommend a Dyson but what else is good? I need a vacuum that totally sucks! aharharharblargh.
I have fever blisters on my mouth announcing the presence of some virus maybe.
The Amazing Race comes on tonight!
Someone has been searching my blog for the word "husband."
Been slippin' down down down. Not doing very well and tired of it. Tired of myself as usual. Conflict and hurts. Something's gotta give. It has to change.
The bank down the street got robbed a little while ago. I wondered why all the news helicopters were hovering. Sorry I couldn't get any action shots.
My clinical instructor emailed us this morning about 4:30 and said it was our decision whether to come or not. Before getting this message I got up and cleaned off our cars, starting them as well to get them super defrosted. After reading her message I decided that I'd go ahead and get ready to go because if some people didn't show up maybe I could choose where I went and end up seeing/doing something awesome. I showered and then really started to get torn about whether to go or not. Now, here I am. I should've been at clinicals 8 minutes ago. At least 3 others (of my group of 7) called in as well. I feel so guilty. I should've gone, right? It's not even that bad out. It was just cold and snow was blowing in my face and it was early and so going back to bed sounded pretty awesome.
We (I) currently have 3 different bags of Goldfish open. I like to eat them but 3 open ones wasn't intentional. One bag is parmesan my mom gave me and they taste like crunchy, salty air. NoThanks.
I bleached the bathroom.
There's a girl on KEXP currently and I hate her voice. She compared it to "an old lady's who's drank too much gin and smoked too many cigarettes" and I can get down with that comparison but not her voice. She totally has that making-an-effort-to-not-sound-twelve-and-instead-have-a-deep-sultry-voice and it's not working! I can see right through her!
We have nothing here for dinner and I don't want to leave the house because it's wet and shitty out. I hung a blanket on the front window today to make it even darker in here because it felt right. We have maybe beans or spaghettiO's or cereal and 2 Tbs of milk but I don't want any of those things.
I love Nikki McClure's papercut art. Maybe I'll never have kids probably but I want that baby book (first 1000 days) and also that 2007 calendar and the abc book too i think. Want want want.
Joe got married!
I hope he doesn't mind I put this here.
He and Allie are beautiful. (so are their animals)
I love their "preception." What a brilliant idea! Doesn't everyone look like they're having a great time?
Joe's graduation pic - not to be missed.
Congratulations!
I ordered one of these for my friend. I love how simple and pretty it is. I put her son and daughter's names on it. I think she'll really like it. Yesterday she told me she'd like to have their names tattooed on her so maybe this will suffice until then. I had hoped it might arrive before Valentine's Day but I doubt it will.
We went to Mom's today and it was really nice. She got a new dog and he's gorgeous. He's a year old and well trained. He'll jump up and give you a high-five which amused me to no end. He's very playful yet mellow. He's a chocolate lab that weighs 98 pounds. Mom also has a 3 day old baby calf right now. I have some pictures of both - together even. Big sweet chocolate lab licking little baby calf's face. Cute! The calf is this soft tawny color. Oh I'll show you.
I studied some for a test at Mom's and now am obviously avoiding that. I really should get back to it but in reality probably will not. I'm mellow myself tonight and maybe a wee bit drab. I drank a large amount of coffee today and at Mom's ate buttermilk cake with a ganache-type frosting on it. Wow.
This picture best viewed large. Look how pretty she is.
hi!
I decided to take an aptitude test. For each question (group of three) I choose the one I'd like to do the most and the one I'd like to do the least. Here's a sample..
32 a. Taming wild animals for a circus
b. Setting up a salad bar in a family restaurant.
c. Studying Electronics
I scored highest in both health and food service - sounds about like a nurse. My next highest scores were outdoors, writing, and art. In work styles I scored LOWEST in persuasiveness and highest in systematic.
The test thinks I might like working in the medical field or being a baker.
Well.. I came home and saw a sky of blue-black yet nobody seemed real concerned. (ie nobody was standing around gawking) So I guess there was an explosion in the NE bottoms at a chemical plant. "It's possible over 100 chemicals are burning." Crap, are there people in there? They're not in there to put out the fire yet. Pom, reporting live a few miles from the scene in her living room watching channel 9 news.
We live up the street. Constant sirens. Here's my documentation for you. These were taken a few minutes ago. I'm probably silly for posting this.
Interesting: I just noticed in those photos that it looks like there is sky below the cloud but that's actually white smoke/steam that comes from a factory behind our house so that's throwing off the dark smoke view I have. Tony's right, those of us here in NKC really are in the cancer cluster.
For my roommate's Golden Birthday, turning 27 on the 27th, (thanks, staci), we went to O'Malley's in Weston. It's a total experience being there and if you've never been I cannot recommend it enough. They have great drinks, an amazing atmosphere that I can't get enough of complete with a dark tunnel, cold stone archways, warm lighting and wood floors. I had only been there twice before (I think?) and wanted Roommate to go there so much. We were amidst great company including the other three at our table and beyond. Bob Reeder is the musician pictured in a lot of these. He plays on most every Sunday at O'Malley's starting at 3 pm and ending at 9 pm. Get there early. You'll love that you can be drunk by 4 pm and you'll have no idea what time it is outside. It's another world downstairs at O'Malley's Pub. They have other musicians there on Fridays and Saturdays but I suggest Bob Reeder all the time.
Here's a list of the Beer Drinks available and I've marked the ones Roommate tried.
Himself - half'n'half, Guinness & Harp *
Black Sod Bay - Guinness Stout & Bass Ale *
Snake Bite - Harp Lager & Woodpecker Cider *
Wild Boar - Guinness & ginger ale
Red Hugh O'Donnell - Harp Lager & spicy tomato juice
Black Velvet - Woodpecker Cider & Guinness * his favorite
The O'Malley - Irish stout, vodka & Tabasco
Tanist - Kaliber & lemon-lime soda
before
So right after my post this morning which was post delicious breakfast, roommate's brother called and asked us to come help move so we did and it was fun and cold. The new apartment is great and has lots of doors. We got home awhile ago and I took the hottest bath ever as I was seriously cold in the core of my bones - frozen marrow slushy. Eat that, sheri!! aha. So now I'm avoiding huge huge amounts of homework which I put off until the absolute last minute already and I'm going to make brownies. Also, I've been eating the chickpea/garbanzo bean salad from orangette like every single day. Chickpeas, olive oil, lemon juice, grated parmesan (or for me any other delicious hard cheese) and a bit of salt. Somehow it stirs together as heaven and a sweet chorus sings when I'm spooning it into my mouth. Yes.
I don't say "so far" with pessimism. Last night after my fun time doing community service (I'm sorry I said fuck in reference to it) I came home and a fellow classmate and I were going to go listen to the blues and drink and eat. She wanted a disco nap so then 45 minutes later she called and we were both like, blargh bloo blah tired so we stayed home. I slept on the couch until 1 am and then went to bed where I slept more. I was so tired! So when my roommate woke up and I woke up too we went to First Watch for delicious waffles. Waffles! Breakfast was so good and they have great, always fresh coffee.
My mom is pressuring me into getting cable because she thinks I'd like it. Of course I'd like it, that's exactly why I can't get it! I don't need anything else to eat up my time, time that I pass out generously to eating and interneting.
Now I'm doing laundry and that's fascinating. I have major units of research homework to do before tomorrow when it's all due. Super ugh.
Also my friend totally gave me the perfect opportunity to say babysitting isn't working out which made me instinctively reassure her over and over that it's working out just fine just fine!
In Portland and San Francisco I'm going to both eat my weight in good food and drink my roommate's weight in coffee. Oh yes.
In Labor & Delivery on Thursday the couple I was with, well, he's in the military and stationed in Seattle so they're about to relocate after the baby's born and he was talking to his wife about it telling her, "You know how they have all those geeky weirdos in Wesport? Well, Seattle is like a whole city full of 'em." I'm so predictable right? Why do I think it'd be great to live in Seattle awhile. I want to spend a bunch of time in a port city somewhere.
Think Pork!
Alright, fess up.
I've already got my suspects in my head.
Thank you, thank you -- now tell me who did it!
Tomorrow I get to spend my entire day and evening doing community service, a required bit for school. I can't wait to give back to the community, make a difference, change a life. Fuck. I guess working for free in a hospital isn't enough. ha. Bitterness abounds.
That wreck thing yesterday was surreal. I guess after I drove through the middle of all those wrecked cars they shut down I-35 for awhile. At first I was that my clinical instructor let us out 15 whole minutes early and I was wasting it all plus some sitting in that mess and then when I saw all those cars I thought holy shit and then later I thought oh it wasn't that big of a deal but then even later I thought, wow that was a big wreck/s. In the end it was 40 something maybe?? I never watched the actual news story about it.
I'm drinking juicy juice fruit punch and feeling exhausted and gross. The babysitting gig is not working out but I don't know how to tell my friend that has no other options I can't do it. She doesn't have money to pay someone and who wants to babysit overnight 9 pm - 7 am two little bitty kids. It's not usually a big deal if I'm sleeping too and just have to get up a few times to feed/change the baby but if I'm trying to study for a test and then decide to snag an hour of sleep and such then the baby wakes up and it's a total nightmare of unrealness the whole night. You know how that is when your brain feels all drugged up and your body is just tired as fuck and you're stressed and it seems you can't win and it also seems simultaneously to never end and be over so fast.
I'm so grumpy and no fun every single day mostly and I was talking to my mom and she had all these cute plans for today and she kept telling me to stop babysitting!!! and lecturing!! me about it not being my problem and this isn't right and whatever. Those things are really irrelevant. It sucks and she's in a desperate situation. I don't know what else to do. Also, driving from Lee's Summit to school sucks in the mornings. Sheesh. Right, so anyway, my mom tells me I should go take a nap or something and I'm like, but I wanna do stuff!! and I'm yawning and she has this voice that sounds like, "I don't know what to do with you." I grumble about how we could hang out but we don't have to or maybe we could over the weekend or I should go be productive or I don't know. I think she felt sorry for me so she told me she was going to let me take a little nap and then she'd come over to hang out with me. Haha. I'm a stupid baby. We'll hang out and then I'll go babysit. more haha. I feel like a lead weight.
Where are you?
