I got a job.

Kansas

At my grandpa's old gas station.

Snippity snip snip.

There are a lot of things I've been wanting to tell you about.
Today I started drinking coffee at 4 pm and I think I'm working up the gusto to tell you.
I'm worn out from doing nothing all day. I wonder how my poor roommate feels when he goes off to work in the morning and comes home to find everything the same - even me.

Anyway, one of those things I've been wanting to talk to you about is my hair. Sheri and I discussed this. (She's an expert on the topic.) Here's the thing. I need a haircut real bad. It's ugly, threatening to take over my face, and shag shag shaggy (and not in a hip way). (I have a bad, unclever habit of using parentheses)

I've been wanting to make an appointment for some time now. First I planned to get it cut before spring break (in March) and then I wanted it cut before graduation and now I just want it cut ASAP. The thing is, I haven't had it cut since September 12 of last year. I sort of feel like a weirdo that the afternoon after my dad died I went and got my hair cut. The girl that cut my hair was aware of the situation and faithfully asked how my dad was doing and I told her he'd died that morning. She was stunned like "What the fuck are you doing here?" and asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I said no and she cut my hair off.

I don't want to turn into some Crystal Gayle freak being taken onto Montel by her concerned friend because she hasn't cut her hair in 13 years but at the moment it's this thing I can hang onto. It's a ribbon around my finger, an X on the calendar.

(And by the way, when I linked the 12th I read all your comments again and they are so kind, thank you.)

The girl that cut my hair that day and for a couple years before has since moved to Florida so now I need a new person and I hate that. I hate this. I'd like to try to make an appointment this week. I'll get a new job and new hair, right?! How fresh!
What do you think I should do?

***********************************************

This (and this) touched me down deep in my seedy core.

Squeeeeeze.

My kidneys hurt. I drank an ass gallon ton of water today and then I read something about stress and adrenaline and kidneys?
I also applied for more jobs and talked to another nursing recruiter and ate corn on the cob.
Now I'm watching The Cosby Show and waiting for Roommate to get home so maybe we can go do some Friday type things and then I'm off to my mom's so I can go visit my grandma tomorrow. It's her birthday.

Happy Friday.

I'm going to tell you a secret.
Nice people can make things better.
So consider not being a bastard anymore.

Confession.

I'm going to admit something that is 100% embarrassing but I know at some time in your life, you've felt it too. It might've been when you were 8 but you've felt it.
I'm an outsider.
That's usually fine, even desirable sometimes. There are a lot of things in life I'd rather not be a part of.
Lots of friends from school are friends on my myspace account so I see their bits back and forth. They have jobs. They're excited. They hang out. They invite one another out for sushi.
Feeling left out sucks.
Feeling left out and being bothered by it and blogging about it is embarrassing.

I talked to the nursing recruiter this morning. They're done hiring new grads. Perhaps I could check back in a few months.

Do you like American Music? I like American Music.
Don't you like American Music, baby?
I want you to hold me. I want your arms around me.
I want you to hold me, baby.
Did you do, too many drugs? I did too many drugs.


Little bag of bones been out all night
Little bag of bones been out all night
Kitty, you're scratchin' at the screen door
Kitty, you're scratchin' at the screen door
Little bag of bones been out all night
He needs some pettin' and lovin' on his head
He needs some pettin' and lovin' on his rain-soaked hide
...
Fuck you, kitty you're gonna spend the night
OUTSIDE!


I led her to a hole, a deep black well.
I said "make a wish, make sure and not tell and
Close your eyes dear, and count to seven.
You know your papa loves you, good children go to heaven.
You know your papa loves you, good children go to heaven.

I gave her a push, i gave her a shove.
I pushed with all my might, i pushed with all my love.
I threw my child into a bottomless pit.
She was screaming as she fell, but I never heard her hit.
She was screaming as she fell, but I never heard her hit.

Gather round boys to this tale that I tell.
You wanna know how to take a short trip to hell?
It's guaranteed to get your own place in hell.
Just take your lovely daughter and push her in the well.
Take your lovely daughter and throw her in the well.


Summertime, and the livin's easy.
Fish are jumpin'
The cotton's high
Your daddy's rich
And your ma is good lookin'
So hush little baby
Don't you cry
One of these mornings
You're gonna rise up singin'

It can't rain all the time.

I was 5 and he was 6
We rode on horses made of sticks
He wore black and I wore white
He would always win the fight
bang bang, he shot me down
bang bang, I hit the ground
bang bang, that awful sound
bang bang, my baby shot me down

I'm stickin' with you
'cause I'm made out of glue
anything that you might do
i'm gonna do too
you held up a stagecoach in the rain
And I'm doing the same
So you're hanging from a tree
And i made believe it was me

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girlchild in the dark
Comes in bells, your servant, don't forsake him
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart
Downy sins of streetlight fancies
Chase the costumes she shall wear
Ermine furs adorn the imperious
Severin, Severin awaits you there
I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears
Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather

What I did on a day of my summer vacation.

Well I didn't keep my word. I did call the nursing recruiter again and left a message again but she seems unable to respond to voicemails. I didn't take myself out for coffee but I one upped it and order food to go at Dos Reales. I love that place. I also wanna go to Mi Ranchito which I always hear rave reviews about. Dos Reales is close, as is Mi Ranchito. I have tons of leftovers from one of my favorites there - "The Guadalajara." It's basically nachos with their amazing chicken on it - nicely cooked white meat - their delicious rice - ground beef - homemade guacamole - sour cream - with a tamale buried like a secret treasure under all that. I got the lunch version and it's enough for two easily.

I also went by the store and got chicken to marinate and grill tonight and everything I need to make blackberry cobbler. I must've been hungry when I set out on this adventure.
While I was at the store I picked up a copy of Real Simple as I wanted to read dooce's article. I'll admit I used to have a subscription to this magazine but at some point one month seemed awfully similar to the others and when it ran out I was ok with that. The subscription was a gift, one I liked, because magazine subscriptions seem like something so frivolous to spend money on. I'm rethinking that idea though because there are some pretty great magazines I wouldn't mind a subscription to like BUST, some science magazines, and maybe Gourmet or something.

Right now I'm watching Hedwig & the Angry Inch. I also watched Perfume last week which was interesting but slow and that's ok if it all ends up worthwhile but the ending was absolutely absurd.

Job Seekers: Search & Apply

I've applied for somewhere around 15 jobs, had 1 interview, and this is the part where I admit I've been totally passive about the entire process. I'm terrified about being a nurse. I'm scared to walk into a hospital in a clinical setting and not have that comfortable "Nursing Student" tag behind my name. This is the real deal and I could kill someone. My capstone experience was so good and I felt encouraged. Somewhere between there and graduation and now I've become scared and discouraged.

I've had so many conflicting ideas and opinions thrown at me from nurses that I don't know which way to go at this point. I can only work at any hospital in the city if I decide I want to pay back my student loan in a year's time, coming out to somewhere around $900/month. Nothankyou. I've committed to working within a certain network of hospitals for two years and all of that schooling will be paid for, as will most all of my master's courses.

I think the best thing that could happen at this point is for me to get hired for a job but then negotiate a start date that allows a bit of time for guiltless relaxing and prep for my boards. Though with boards looming ahead I'm not sure guiltless relaxing can exist. I haven't studied for my NCLEX a bit. My exit exam at school predicted somewhere around a 93% chance of passing which really means nothing to me. I mean, I guess I've spent the last year or two preparing but you know what I mean.

So I'm just feeling like shit. I'll feel better having a job and a paycheck but I also feel not ready. Some classmates have now started their new jobs. My lip is bleeding. I'm not good at days home alone. I think too much and wander around here in circles. I spent a good part of today telling myself to call the nursing recruiter but never actually doing it. See how I am? Ugh. These are not admirable qualities.

Tomorrow I'm calling the nursing recruiter and also taking myself out for coffee (only if I call the nursing recruiter and actually speak with her).

Oh god yes.

We've got the famed "Summer Cold" around here. It sank its teeth into us Sunday and has been around since. It seemed like much more in the beginning but at this point we just have the general feeling of disgustingness, tiredness, and inability to sleep well. None of that matters now because we're leaving for the lake. This cold can kiss my ass because it's spending the next couple days in the water.

Here's a strange, blurry picture of a cicada coming out of its shell. And here's a (disturbingly fascinating) step-by-step of the how-to's behind those abandoned cicada shells you find stuck around. Seriously click that. I had no idea!

Enjoy your weekend!

Happy Thursday.

Ugh.

Does anybody wanna go see Weird Al?

I bought tickets thinking my roommate would be really excited but...he's not.
They were really expensive so I'd like to sell them.
The show is August 28.
I'll at least use lube when I anally rape you, unlike Ticketmaster.

So now what?

I still just can't believe school is done. I graduated and now it's time to get a job. I think I've said before but a good portion (most?) of my classmates have jobs already lined up so I'm feeling a bit like I am still standing back at the starting line. I've been home for two days since I graduated and while I'd like to wallow in this freedom, I've started to panic about a job. Regardless of popular belief, there have not been hospitals recruiting us or knocking down our doors to get us to work there. The theme of graduation seemed to be "Nursing Shortage Crisis: What you can do to help." It was absurd.

I applied for another handful of jobs this week and this morning began with me phoning a nursing recruiter trying to hide the desperate tone in my voice.

I have a lot more I wanted to say but now I feel worn out and awash in negativity.

Well holy crap.

and then I graduated..

Planning a photo dump soon. Bit the Vista bullet and imported 'em all.

Flowers I bought for myself awhile back.

Spare me.

As you may or may not know, we got a new computer awhile back after I dropped mine and a tiny piece broke off that was going to require an entire motherboard replacement, nothankyou. So this new computer has Vista - I KNOW, I KNOW. I can't say that I've run into a bunch of bugs as many others say but I am annoyed about photo imports. Vista requires you download the entire lot in one shot. Perhaps this initial download will help as I'll clear some things out. It seemed like the old computer was slow at downloads so I'd only download one "event" at a time. I like using picasa but it's slow and for some reason refuses to work for me today. Perhaps Vista dislikes Picasa? I don't think that's the case but who knows. I also have a hard time having the photos deleted from my card as I'm importing them. Pack rat much?

More talk on this topic:
From Chris Pirillo
From Microsoft

August..

I can't believe I'm saying this but the windows are open. There's a great cool breeze and the rain is so loud, complete with thunder and lightning. What a magical summer evening.

You're welcome.

Found via Raymi.

This is nice.

Things that have made me feel old today.

• Neighbor kid and his friend (yes, those neighbors) comin' over to introduce themselves and offering to mow my yard while they saw me out there sweatin' my ass off. (When I went out to water the flowers this morning it felt awesome outside but mowing this afternoon, holy crap.) He wants $25 for the whole thing and it sounded so worth it each time I had to pull start the push mower.
  
• Having two push mowers here and managing to break one of 'em.
• Getting super annoyed at the grocery store when the teen boy checker threw my groceries to the teen boy sacker - annoyance increased when I got home to find my laundry soap spilled all over everything.
• The car load of older women completely blocking me in at the gas station with their car parked sideways in front of mine, truck behind me.
  
• Stinking. Seriously. I smell bad.
  
• 97 degrees

Prepping

I'm not sure why I feel like I need to shower before I go outside to mow the yard. I guess I like to start with a clean slate.

Instead of

I have absolutely no energy. When school made me go see a counselor following my dad's death, the counselor told me I needed to expend energy in order to get energy. I guess it's an investment, if you will.

Today I've done little more than watch PBS and drink peach iced tea. This would be ok if I didn't have things I needed to be doing like getting ready for the post-grad party on Saturday. The yard needs mowed and I need to clean things up some. I've also got some things to bake before then.

** Update ** I seriously spent a little time reading things like this link on metafilter and started working away. Gah. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part and I've officially started and got a surprisingly large amount done this afternoon.

"Any links, books, or suggestions on how to set up a *realistic* plan for cleaning/organizing and splitting up chores between two lazy people who work long hours would be great."

The nerd in me also liked this (somewhat ridiculous) chart.

We finally hung up some pictures which makes me happy. It feels more like our place that way, of course.

Sort of an announcement to make but not really. I wanted to wait until it was official and now it is as I'm enrolled for classes in the fall. I decided to keep going to school while I'm working full time so I'll start working on my Master's in a few months to become a nurse practitioner. I think my estimated finish date will be in December of 2009.

Hurrah!!

Every single piece of paper that must be completed and turned in to school has been.

Graduation here I come!

More of the same..

Yep. I'm gonna write about school. The countdown is somehow in the single digits now. This time a week from now I'll be sitting in my house laughing with my family and friends and holding their babies. I don't know about you but this past year has flown for me. A year ago I was experiencing the shittiest summer of my life and now things are so different. It's been two years since I've had a paycheck. It dawned on me a few days ago that oh my gosh, I'm going to get a paycheck for this! With clinicals I've just gotten used to working in the hospital without getting one so - Bonus!

Tonight I'm making those homemade oreos to take with me tomorrow. To offset the glorious amounts of butter and sugar involved I also got some grapes and bananas and raspberries and almonds. The floor I've been working on has been so good to me! They all have been so willing to answer my questions and show me things I've never seen before. I think I'm slowly developing a strategy for my approach to the first job.

Tomorrow is my LAST day of clinical. I almost want to say hold on, wait a second, I'm not done yet! There's a lot to do before Monday morn, including papers and logs to finish but those are minor. TOMORROW is my Last Day of Clinical!

Modest Mouse was fantastic last night! They seemed more into us as a crowd than the last time we saw them. I enjoyed Band of Horses as well. Also, I'm gettin' older. This is more evident when in crowds of younger people. Also, in case you wondered, I guess the hacky sack is still in.

Anybody going to Modest Mouse tonight?

Ok well I'll look for you.
Don't look for me.
But I'll be looking for you..

Post Interview

I'm a moron!

Let there be no doubts among you.

Here's my common response to interview questions today: "Um....>thoughtful pause< .. I don't really know."

I officially need more interviews now as I have nothing to compare this one to. Now I'm thinking if they do want to hire me (after my moronic interview), is this the place I want to work?

I had hoped to have a job by graduation so when people came over I wouldn't just shrug my shoulders when asked where I'm going to be working and also, a paycheck.

Job Interview Day.

Nurses chime in (Heather...)

My interview is in a couple hours and I'm super nervous. On Monday I was calm, cool, collected. I was totally ready to go in there. Part of that readiness came when (after reading comments here..) I started looking at it as my interview to them as well.

This job finding stuff is difficult at the moment because now I'll be a nurse (assuming I pass the boards at some point?) but...I have absolutely no idea what area of nursing I want to work in and so I still have this enormous element of cluelessness about me. I started having this attitude like, well gosh, do I even wanna WORK for you if you hire me? Is this the place I WANT to be? And the answer to that is.."I dunno." I'm interviewing on a floor that doesn't make me get all excited but I do know it would be a good learning experience. My preceptor said outloud around other nurses where I have an interview and I felt embarrassed. Not a good sign. I also caught myself using words like "serve my time" which are not good motivators. Part of me has made the decision to commit (as much as I can do such a thing) to something and see how it works for awhile - just jump in head first and go at it. I like the open-mindedness but I can see how some would scold me for going in already having an idea about getting out in my head. Because I do, already have an idea about getting out.

I guess I should go get ready for my interview. (Interview at 1 pm, send me good vibes.) Ahh, the necessary evils of life. I think something I'm wearing needs pressed. Not that I own an iron but..all the same!