Quick narrative involving a piece of breaking news.

Yesterday was wonderful. I had orientation all day learning a computer system I had already been using all through school. It was torture and took place in the basement of this crapo old building. It started by talking about how to use a mouse.. I wanted to stab my eyes out! After I was released from that hell I zoomed off to do weird grown up things like sign paperwork and talk to my insurance company and actually get what I wanted! Shocker. Right, moving on.

After that business my roommate came home and I showered to look hot for our date. Then we went out! for! dinner! and! I! ate! delicious! food! FOOD TASTED DELICIOUS! After that it was zoom zoom to Starlight for LCD Soundsystem and Arcade Fire. The show was fucking outstanding! Our seats (!) were great and the sound was great and both bands were seriously so much fun. They seemed excited to be there and humble and full of energy. I loved it. It felt so good to be out of the house and not feeling like shit. We enjoyed ourselves immensely. Glockenspiel and accordion and horns and cello and violins! Oh my. The weather was also just perfect for an evening spent outdoors. Not hot, not too cool, breezy. I'm sighing just thinking about it. Starlight is a great place to see a show. Again, the sound was great. The lighting was fun. I had a great time!! I have a few pictures in which you can't really see much but I'm posting 'em anyway.

Today I cleaned out my car. There's a fall festival drawing a crowd just down the street. We're headed out to eat some lunch (food is good again?!) and load up on new CD's and vacuum out my car at one of those car washes that has free vacuums. Free vacuum!! I'm going to get Iron & Wine's newest album and Devendra Banhart and I wanted PJ Harvey's but I think the release date got pushed back to Tuesday. I'm a dork because...oh I can't even DO those fucking hipster rants. Even amidst the plethora of pencil skinny jeans last night and clove cigarettes I just can't bring myself to do it. I was the dorky nobody wearing a yellow shirt.

Hi, E'erbody!

Oh you knew it was coming!
Here's the hybrid, arriving in April.

Drinkin' grape soda.

Tomorrow I start orientation for the new job. There are two full days of HR orientation which should be thrilling. The rest of the week is nursing orientation and then next week some one on one orientation with the nursing educator. This includes a day of starting IV's in the GI lab. This is great, a day flooded with opportunity to practice but I'm already dreading it. We've learned in the past that this generally ends up being a complete waste of energy but it happens nonetheless. The major upside to this is that uh...I'll get paid? I'll get paid! It's been 2+ years since I've had a job. Wow. Getting a paycheck will be Cool!

Add this to the long list..

Things that annoy me # 973,880:

When looking through someone's photos online and someone has left the comment, "I love the composition of this one." My immediate response: Oh just shut the fuck up!

Louse.

I just came in from outside where I sat on the back porch and cried. I am, admittedly, a baby. My body is not good at being pregnant yet. My beautiful husband called me on his lunch break and it made me cry to hang up because I want him here and he sounded soft and loving. I feel like I'm not handling this well. I had hoped I could get my game face on and trudge through this sickness. I mean, how bad could it be? But 'alas, that's now how I'm handling it at all. I vomit and sleep and writhe and groan and today I cry. I've lost 13 or 14 pounds since I found out I was pregnant. Monday I start orientation for work and I'm hoping I can get through that without being a baby. I'm not glowing. I'm scared and miserable and a little guilty because COME ON. There are people experiencing real suffering and I'm complaining. A few more weeks of this maybe. It IS going to be totally worth it. I need to look forward and stop wallowing in this.

You're probably totally sick of hearing about this already and sick of hearing my wimpy apologies for it but I have more to say. I can't wrap my head around it yet but this is a huge change for us and it's a change we weren't prepared for. It's an unplanned change. It feels like overnight I've become one big cliché and I don't like it. I'm sad and confused right now and amidst that my body is in a complete revolt against itself.

gurgle gurgle.

I am soooo insanely tired of feeling like shit. I seem to have moved past the incessant vomiting. I can't tell if I'm just getting used to it or what. I mostly just constantly feel extremely car sick. This seems worse when I have to get up early. How lame does that sound? I got up early this morning to go do my CPR recert and I was nauseous as hell down on my hands and knees sweating and pumping on that damn rubber chest. There was a moment when I realized how handy it is that they're so wipe-downable.

This thing better be cute.

More important shit, man.

Last night I had a dream that I was reunited with and hangin' out with a friend of mine from high school. She's currently a lawyer in Boston and we rarely talk (email). No reason, just the ebb and flow of life, ya'know. ANYWAY, in my dream I was buying some chips and consulted her about whether or not I should get salsa or bean dip to go with them. She answered immediately, no hesitation, "Bean dip." I was hesitant like, are you sure? bean dip? So I went with the bean dip.

well hi there, handsome.


the windows need a wash.

Alert! Alert!

A couple things for you today. One is a sorta not that funny story. A long time back my grandpa gave my mom some old computer of his. My grandpa upgraded and my mom got the bleh one. Whatev, it kind of works and kind of seems to be all she wants for now. Anyway, when she first got the computer, Roommate and I were showin' her stuff and la di da. So we set up a screensaver that was a scrolling message and it said something like, "Alert! Alert! Danger! Shut off your computer immediately and call tech support at 1-800-XXX-XXXX.) Those X's were our home phone number at the time. Fast forward to this past weekend, a year later, and Mom sends me an email telling me about this message she's getting. So she called "tech support" and it's actually a balloon company in Tacoma. She ends her email to me with a "weird, HUH?" Now when we played this little prank on Mom a year ago she saw the message and figured it out and laughed but now she has the internet and assumed something awful had happened. Marvin, her friendly internet support guy was on his way to her house when I called and explained the comedic bit. I'd completely forgotten but Roommate hadn't. Oh man. Funny.
***********************************
Now for me to enlighten you.
Because that's what I'm here for.
Morning sickness sucks fucking hairy, chewy, half-rotted off, poopy donkey ass. It's balls, man. No wait, balls = good? Either way it's kickin' my ass. You got that right? Via my last not-so-cryptic post? We made ourselves a new roommate.

Today I went and did a bunch of new-hire fun stuff and got jib jabbed for blood a lot. Apparently to work in the lab in most hospitals they just pull you out of the hall at random as you walk by, put a white lab coat on you, hand you some needles and tell you to have at it! They suck. She tried both arms and there was a lot of rooting around involved.

Also, let me demonstrate how I am. This about sums it up. I can't find my CPR card from when I was certified last year so instead of lookin' too hard I just signed up to take another class this week. Rock.

I'll try not to talk incessantly about bein' knocked up but what else have I got? Work stories?

On becoming a statistic: 99.9% effective

I've been busy here changing my life and when I do it, I really like to do it up right. My new job starts the 24th and grad school begins October 1. Between those two dates I'll be going to the doctor to find out just how far along I am with our hybrid. It's all topsy turvy here. I'm sick, sick, sick and have been waiting to write here until after my appointment but I just couldn't wait any longer. I'm trying every magic cure and I think I just have to ride it out.

It's been a busy time inside my head. The 12th was the one year anniversary of my dad's death and man he'd be so excited. Also, it wasn't until yesterday that I found out about Greg. I hope everyone's getting along okay. I feel surprised and open. Chances are, I've been thinkin' about you.

Important!

I've started spending time in my head working out what kind of birthday cake I'm having this year.

Easily Annoyed.

As always.
So today I go to a local natural foods store which is totally not busy while I'm there. Nice.
I wander back and forth and back and forth until finally I just veer off to the right and aim for the checkout counter. The girl working the counter is standing in the aisle in front of her register where my cart should go through talking to her neighboring cashier about a co-worker. They're all using dramatic sorta hushy voices like, "Yeah, I know!!! And she didn't come in last night..I KNOW, it's awful!" On and on. So I unload my cart but I can't push my cart down 'cause the cashier's standin' there blabbing. My cart is sort of poking out the end and then I'm at the other end of the cart piling things on the belt. Well, I didn't have much. So finally when I'm almost done she comes around to the cashier side and turns the belt on. It lurches forward, I put on the last 3 items and go and prepare to pay. I pay, load my bags and then I glance over to see the lady behind me is buying 3 of the identical things that I was. Or no, those are my things. No big deal, ok crap she didn't ring it up, fine. (I'm being a baby because while this seems dramatic - this is exactly how ANNOYED I was). Lady behind me is now at the post to pay. I tell the cashier those are my things and she says, "Well I didn't know because they were all spread out from the rest of your items (belt lurching - separation caused). Do you even still want them?" Uh no, suddenly I've changed my mind about the items I chose? YES, I fucking want them! Lady behind me is giving me the up-down up-down like this is all my fault and refuses to move away from the card swiper. I'm ready to say excuse me but I'm annoyed and it's obvious to her I'm trying to use the machine because she's aware of this entire transaction and the error involved and she won't move and she's staring at me and I am stretching across the counter to swipe my card and be discreet and FUCKING MOVE back, lady!! Damn rude hippie.

Yellow leaves jumping off the trees.

I don't think he realizes it but the subtle shifts that begin during a transition between seasons almost always drives my roommate to read books. He started it again here recently and I like it because he's so cute when he's reading.
Yesterday we sat on the porch during those surprisingly cool morning hours and I took a quilt. Lows in the 40's by the end of the week? Whoah.

P.S. HR sucks. They finally return my calls last week on Friday and I'm in the shower. A rare moment, lemme tell ya!

I'm made of hair and bones and little teeth.

Seriously the new Rasputina album, "Oh Perilous World," has been rockin' our house in a big way. It also gave me the itch to read Guns, Germs, and Steel. I think "1816, The Year Without a Summer" is my favorite song on the album. Mmm.. Cello.

Oof.

I've been just knocked off my feet with insanity.
I just got home from eating amazing carne azada tacos. They were piled with cilantro and I had a little bowl of green tomatillo sauce to accompany. Delicious meal, I think I'm going to puke.

Last week I got a job, right? It's at a hospital I wanted to work at. It's on a floor I think will be interesting. I wish I could tell you more?