I love this dog.

Should be asleep.

Work in the morn. I'm feeling out of sorts in my head. My body feels...? What does it feel like? It feels strange and it aches and tugs in new places. Dizzy, nauseous, on and on. Would love to be home tomorrow instead of at work. I've gone through an array of emotions the past couple of days. Everything is just sort of overflowing and I feel like I haven't got time to catch it. I'm missing my dad so so much. I want him to know me now. I want him to know me when... Part of me knows that it's only by walking through his eventual death that I'm in this place.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Half Pounder

Pissed.

I'd pretty much punch your granny in the face right now if she looked at me. I was getting shit out of the trunk of my car when I started dropping some of that shit. Being the multi-tasker I am, I was simultaneously slamming the trunk of my hatchback type car when the huge assfucker metal part that locks into place came slamming into my head. It seriously stunned me so much and hurt so bad that I dropped everything on the ground and immediately started sobbing.

While I'm feeling pissed I'll gripe about some other things. This'll balance out the previous, incredibly sappy post about feeling the hybrid move for the first time.

1) "Ladybugs" are taking over our house, inside and out. These are the orange and yellow ones, some have no dots and the word on the street is they bite and/or sting? No idea, I haven't been bitten or stung but they're annoying as hell.

2) I tried to reschedule my doctor's appointment because I screwed up the date and have to work and the bitch on the phone was so insanely rude. Perhaps I was the 47th call in a row trying to reschedule an appointment but she was awful. This also stunned me as I couldn't understand why she was being so fucking rude. It's not as if I was calling an hour before my appointment. Ugh. I finally asked if I should call another time? I rarely call people out on that stuff but I wanted to. I wanted to point blank ask why she was treating me like an ass. So they could get me in for another appointment at the end of December and I said nevermind, I'll keep my appointment and she said FINE and I said ok, thanks and that was that. DAMN IT. Hang in there, lady. One more day and then you get some time off, ok?

3) There was this awesome rainbowy striped sweater I was trying to order online and then I felt guilty so I decided to wait until I get paid and between then (Sunday) and today, it sold out!

Well, here we go..

Saturday morning I woke up slow and rolled over on my stomach to look out the window behind me, the window in front of the tree, the tree covered with yellow leaves. I felt a thump, thump, thumpitythump. I wasn't sure at first but after trying again my thumps came from the opposite side. It surprised me because I imagined it'd be a week or two more but there it was. There it was.

good morning.

11-16-07_0636.jpg
Originally uploaded by pomegranate pretty

This is what it looked like when I got to work this morning..after I pulled over to puke in the Circuit City parking lot.

Not ashamed!

D.

Hey, D.
Are you reading this?
I want to have Salad with you soon. I mean, some serious salad.
What are you doing Thursday, 11/15?
Sleep, dear. Sleep.
I miss you.

From the clocktower.

Off tomorrow, hurrah.
Work mon/wed/fri leaves you either at work or thinking about going to work.
I support 2 days off in a row, you? Yeah.
Atta girl.
This submissive nurse/doc thing...about that..it's still going on? Are you kidding me.
Doc in the ER with dog shit on his shoes that are propped on the desk.
"Doc, ya got some dog poop on your shoes."
"Oh do I?" -- scrape shoes on edge of desk, leave...
No.
Roommate dubs it a complete caricature of a human and I agree - and there are no excuses.
Funny story, shitty human behavior. Unacceptable to treat others awful. Absolutely unacceptable. In a former life (a few months ago? pre-pregnancy? pre-Dad's death?) I'd have had nothing but snark for this but now it kinda makes me sad.

Ramblee McRambleton

My pelvis is overloaded with a chair or a basket of turnips inside? I don't know. When I get hungry now I obsess about how much food I'm going to eat when I get the opportunity and I start feasting in my brain and then when there's a pile of food in front of me I can snarf down like 3 bites and then suddenly it feels like I just ate 3 Thanksgiving Dinners and I'm like SHIT.

So this morning I woke up talking about donuts. We eat donuts never. We almost did It but then I was like wait, if we do, are you going to go get me coffee and donuts and he's all sure and then we didn't, instead we got dressed and went to get coffee and donuts. I had never been to Krispy Kreme and I'd only eaten Krispy Kreme one time when this girl in my Microbiology class brought a box of warm glazed donuts to class. Hello, Nice! So did you know Krispy Kreme has a drive-through? Holy get fat. Anyway, we went to Caribou Coffee on Shawnee Mission Parkway and then across the street to Krispy Kreme and I went psycho crazy donut hungry gestating in the drive-through and ordered a DOZEN of variety donuts, you know, like ones filled with stuff or with sprinkles including two pumpkin donuts and I made Roommate open the box in the car so we could look at them and then we went home to SNARF CITY and I ate half a donut and I was getting all full bloaty gross so I took a bite of another donut and then later I finished that other half. SO I snarfed a donut and one bite, would you like some donuts?

At work yesterday people said oh fun you can watch football on your day off like I hit the Holy Grail of days off and I'm thinking why the hell would I waste my day like that and then today Roommate was watching football for a minute and he was all blah blah about Priest Holmes like he knows what he's talking about. I say what are you even talking about? And apparently he's all chock full of knowledge now that he listens to his co-workers talk about fantasy football all day and also he knows all about sports from intense video-gaming sessions years ago. Real cool, man.

Roommate told me to make a list of names and he'll pick one. Ha. Our kid will end up named Baby or Kid. I asked him this morning what he thinks it is and he said a brat.

I would like to build a bonfire and roast hot dogs and marshmallows. I love having a fire. I would eat like 800 bags of marshmallows or 2 marshmallows. Maybe I could just pile some wood up in our grill and light it on fire and sit near it. Bye I'm going to build a fire.

Hurrah!!

Word.
I'm a nurse!

Also, the hybrid is now the size of a turnip. Always with the food! I guess that's something we can relate to easily. I'd rather them tell me when it's the size of a fuzzy little newborn bunny or the size of one of those super cute little turtles or about the size of a chair, whatever.

From my mama:

This is the type of email that only a mom can effectively send.

Break a leg! Lots of Luck! You'll do great as you always do! You're a Winner! You're a champion! Love you! Mom

Monkey off my back.

Well thank god that's done!! Hopefully it won't have to be redone. It sucked so much. Damn. I felt more stupid by the moment. They video/audio record you while you test and I'm sure they got a "shit" or two on there. Or maybe they'll see my tape and think to themselves "Oh, she looks like she'd be a nice nurse! Pass her!" Anyway, I'm full of doubt and relief simultaneously so we'll see what happens. I'll know my results Friday. Hurrah for not having to wait weeks to find out. Also hurrah for not having to drive hours to take that test over a 2-day period on paper.

I work the next three days. Woo! I'm going to eat lunch and watch a movie now.
Oh one more thing! I SWEAR I saw a bald eagle on my way home. I was talking to Roommate on the phone (not that I drive and talk on the phone and birdwatch but...) yeah, seriously I just know it was a bald eagle. It was huge. I'm going to believe that it was.

Alright, 16 hours to go.

I'm pretty much done studying. I did a bunch of practice questions today over tea at someplace not my house and I've taped a bunch of lab values and ABG values and such on the bathroom mirror for me to look at the next 47 times I go to the bathroom tonight.

9 am tomorrow I'll be on Ward Parkway testing. Send good vibes and thoughts to me!! Please!

Word to the wiser-than-me:

Should you be planning to take the NCLEX, one does not start studying two days beforehand. I've lowered my um..expectations a bit and now my plan is to review lab values, ABG's, and do some practice questions today. Tonight I'll have a good dinner, watch a movie or something then get a good night's sleep.
--------------------------------
The weather this morning told me it was 28 degrees outside? Brr. It's currently freezing in the house. I'm not sure why but our thermostat is wonky. We've ran the heat already this year. (Don't tell Parrish) It works fine but often I can't get it to come on. It's much, much colder in here than what the thermostat is set on but the heat won't kick on. ??? I tried turning the thermostat off for awhile and then back on but no luck, still no heat in here. How can I study in these conditions?! Ha. Perhaps I should venture out somewhere with heat and warm drinks...

Well hello there.

I am trying to max out on positive attitude and maybe it's not so overrated? I am soaking up goodness - wallowing in it even. Nutrients and goodness, wee babes need those things, right? Tell me they also need brussels sprouts and fun size butterfingers.

This morning started slow. I got up with roommate before he scampered off to work and set up the day for studying. I reviewed some electrolyte lab values and drank a lot of tea and listened to a lot of music. I lost all semblance of focus on NCLEX things and am now (obviously) working to get back at it. I'm super nervous about the test but have pretty much lived in denial and put off any sort of studying. Still floating in that space I don't plan on doing a lot. There are numbers and calculations I need to review and then I'm going to go for it. Send me awesome good thoughts and vibes and prayers of some sort on Wednesday at 9 am. I'm like a total stoner these days. I smile and hope it all turns out ok. Even if I fail, so what? I don't want to fail and consider it mostly unacceptable but eh. If I fail I'll need to pay a whole bunch of money again to re-test and my pay will decrease at work and...I will be awfully disappointed in myself but that's all and it'll be ok. Let's blame my dopiness on hormones and call it a day.
This is totally the part where I look at you and half-hug you and declare, "I love you, man!"

To, D. I'm so proud of you! Hurrah for passing your boards! I can't wait to see you soon.

I know, I know. Dork city Autumn pictures from our backyard this afternoon.

All yellow and backlit.

It's so insanely beautiful outside today. This is just the sort of fall/autumn day that can make a person head-over-hells in love with this season. I was quite smitten already but whew. The sun has been shine-blasting all day in a perfectly welcome way. I woke up this morning and got my roommate up so we could play. (None of that involved leaving the comfort of our warm bed.)
I went out for a few things. Lovely lovely. I enrolled in a new insurance plan and then made cookies. The two balanced one another out quite nicely.

Gosh I hope you had a great day.

"Sunshine State"

For a couple years now I've been reading a blog I have linked in the sidebar called "Sunshine State." I became completely fascinated with a girl named Fin, Frances Isabelle Nash, even adding her as a myspace friend. Today I read this.

I do not feel human when The Sickness takes hold.
Why does it grip me on a day I'm off work?

bb

Chimpo: The size of an avocado now. (Always with the food comparisons.) Guacamole anyone?