whoosh.

What's up, dudes?
When I got up this morning my water broke. Cool, right?!
It's just the sort of "imminent labor" sign I was lookin' for.
Now I know it's not just gas!!

xoxo

Back with a hybrid..

punk rock.

My precious roommate is sitting at the table eating tomato soup alone.
Today has been weird and in the end, I guess fairly uneventful. Lots of weird goings on inside but they seem futile.

Cultivating.

I shaved my legs tonight, you know, just in case. I also sort of trimmed up the Gateway to the World but then I started to regret that because...well.. I was thinking. If people (this including family/medical personnel/etc.) are gettin' a look at the goods on happy birth day what will they think? Is it more respectable to have just let it go all natural during pregnancy? Will they realize that not only had it been totally neglected but I did this ramshackle shave job at the last minute? Is it going to itch? Ha. Ok so it's not naked but just neatly trimmed, err, that's what I was going for. I've really got no idea what it looks like down there. Might wanna keep the ol' eyes closed tight, Hybrid. Don't wanna get poked and/or completely traumatized.

Aww, Chimpo.

Chimpo and his wife done good.
She's cute as hell.
Congratulations!
I'm totally smitten with her hair.

40 weeks

Officially due today.

One of my new favorite hobbies.

I do a flickr search on things like "39 weeks pregnant" or "40 weeks pregnant" or something and then I go through their photo stream to see how many days later they had their baby. aha.

Yesterday at the doc. (aka crazy fun time!)

Yesterday totally turned into this huge wait-fest at the doc and whatevs, she delivers babies and that's unpredictable, duh. Our waiting finally culminated into us seeing another doctor (and her student). The doc was totally annoying (not that I was grumpy or anything) and did stuff like joke to me about how first time moms have like 3 real contractions and then immediately call the office and how ridiculous that is and hello they haven't been around 800 births like you, lady. I felt defensive of first-time-moms 'cause I mean, I'm hoping not to be the one that instantly calls but have imagined this entire time that I'll be the lady that shows up panting at the hospital and they'll reassure me it's just gas and send me home and I'll be like oh damn, oops. Also, the doc totally did a ram-jam-exam and I thought she was going to tickle my adenoids or somethin' via my cervix. Shit. The exams aren't generally comfortable but I guess my regular doctor just moves a little slower, a bit more gentle. After ram-jam she assured me that these things (hybrids) "do come out before kindergarten, don't worry!!" ahar har har ha har hilk hilk ahahah. UGH. Shut up.

If the hybrid decides to hang until next Friday (May 2) they're going to induce. I said I'd really, really prefer to avoid induction and they said they won't let me go past 41 weeks so there ya go. I have another check-up/exam thing Tuesday.

Update!!

"No progress. See ya next week!"

Thinking.

My idea of seduction lately has been, "Let's do it."

I should shower and kiss him on the mouth and see where that gets me.

Yesterday was amazing, right? Wow, that weather was somethin'. Today's awesome too, though a less-sunny version.
I gathered a wee handful of friends to go eat lunch at Bangkok Pavilion in OP. I'd heard they have an awesome buffet on the weekends. I guess it was just too authentic for me because I ended up mostly stuffing myself on sticky rice and fruit. I couldn't get into the catfish or the garlic shrimp wearing their heads or the mussels or the cold seafood salad or the fried rice with pork rind. I felt bad for my sporting friends and the disappointment I surely caused. Ho hum. It was a decision between there and Mi Ranchito. So, how soon can I go to Mi Ranchito?

We parted ways a bit after lunch - one off to a picnic, the others home to do yard work. (ew)
Roommate and I went to replenish the book and music supply then came home and sat out in the yard with our fresh purchases. It was an ideal sort of day (minus the lunch gone awry) and at one point the sun was setting in our kitchen window and we were in front of it and he hugged me and it hit me that we're about to not be alone anymore and it all felt very, very big.

Today I baked peanut butter cookies, ate peanut butter cookies and have been very slowly doing tiny tidbits of productive things. Over the weekend I also uploaded music to the 'pod in prep for birth. I tried to pick things I can get absorbed into or things that make me feel strong. I'm very concerned (still) with the state of our house, the disarray in our bedroom where the baby will be with us, etc. etc. the list goes on. What is my deal? I can slog through a 12 hour day at work and I can't make my own house peaceful and lovely for my new baby? Wow, think I hit some motivation there. Ouch.

Hybrid is snug as a bug inside and shows no signs of leavin'. It's ok, wee babe. Stay in warm and cozy while I prep this nest.

If the baby comes today we'll name it Mary Jane.
Boy or girl.

ew

We have ants.

Oh!

Thanks, Google!
I'll always take a little reassurance that I'm not totally crazy.
I guess it's totally common and normal for nausea to pick up again at the end of pregnancy - morning sickness in full force just like in the beginning. I'm sure it can be attributed to hormone shifts and the like.

crankity

I'm a cranky box.
I swear every sentence that starts with "Ya know what ya oughta do..." nearly sends me into a fit of rage. I went to Target and decided to go ahead and check out when the pain in my pelvis was making it hard to walk. I bought the softest pajamas in the world and big cozy socks and a nursing bra with a nice access door to the boob. I also tried to get a few snacks for Roommate to shove in the hospital bag and hard candy for me and some batteries and I don't know, other stuff too. Figured I better pack the bag in preparation for the full moon, kids. ahahahaa.

I'm seriously going to miss being pregnant. Hard to explain all the reasons why but..there are reasons.

Ate a ton of crap tonight. Felt sick before and after so no loss, right? blech.

what what

Whole lotta nothin' happenin' here and that's just fine.
No more work and most of my coworkers think I'm ridiculous for not continuing to work up until, I dunno, an arm is poking out of my vagina.

I have spent the entire day either sitting or lying on the couch. ENTIRE day. Before that I was in bed and once I get out of the death-trap that is bed I have to recuperate awhile. My stomach's been stewing all day. My digestive system is completely whacked right now and feels like shit. I forced myself to eat some breakfast thinking that maybe I could head off the nasty at the punch but a glass of carnation instant breakfast in milk soon seemed like a poor choice. This afternoon I busted out half a can of peas. Damn. Gross. I wanted to go out tonight. Oh well.

Rented Lars & the Real Girl. Maybe I'll watch that later. Can I tell you that it feels like I accidentally sat on a fork and it slipped into my vagina? Oh, no? Ok then.

DONE WITH WORK. I should fill out my leave paperwork. Oops. They asked me last night to come in today and Saturday and Sunday. Hilarious.

Poor Roommate. He has to live with the ridiculousness that is me.
Hang out with your wang out.

"Original Due Date"

This was the day that had stuck in my mind for 7 months or so until I realized my doctor had changed my Estimated Due Date. As I was looking through my records to take to the hospital with me when I deliver I also saw on there that at one point determined by physical exam they placed my due date at April 10. One of the ultrasounds put it around April 23. Dates, dates, dates. It's all about the beeb. That shift up on my feet all day yesterday really helped the baby sink lower. The pressure is unreal and the feeling of something so low in my pelvis is totally alien-like. (Damn. That'll really get me laid. ho hum)

This afternoon I projectile vomited. It was kind of cool and pretty gross. It was painful in my belly and my throat's still raw but man, it was literally, projectile! I was making all sorts of horrible wretching sounds. Pretty tragic though 'cause I made meatloaf and mashed potatoes & gravy and it sounded so delicious and it smelled so good and then there was just no way I could eat it.

Tonight is my last shift at work. I've been really looking forward to this day (as you've seen me complaining) yet when my mom asked me yesterday if this was the last day I thought hmm..I could pick up a couple shifts here and there until the baby comes. Then my mom shook me back to reality and said "Say No!" Alright.

Here I am, busy not progressing.

I support using a different term for pregnant women in denial about their own hopefulness because telling them they've made no progress is sorta like, wow, should've studied harder for this pregnancy thing, eh?

Update!

"No progress. See you next week."

After I wrote here I puked some and diarrhea-ed some. I also called in to work like a jerk. My body said hell no, bitch. I was mostly a louse all day. Slept some, watched TV some, had a crazy appetite appeased by nothing. I've just finished off a can of green beans.

Congratulations BIG TIME to my beautiful friend with a new job. Sweet relief.

Roommate is about to eat a frozen burrito and I just gave him the eye.

Painted my toenails today.

Painted them "ruby stilettos." They sparkle and I admired them in the bath with water running down over them.

I'm watching Atonement though I cannot stand Keira Knightley. Her mouth, ugh. It's so awful.

blech.

I feel really off this morning.
I woke up really startled and instantly thought oh god, I'm about to vomit however, I've yet to do so. Why am I just letting that feeling stew? My back hurts and I feel all jittery weird and shaky.
Can't put my finger on this feeling. Off.

Stuff.

Baby book I bought a few years ago.

Car Seat we ordered. Have one we acquired for free until this one comes in. On back order 'til mid-April. Got an extra base for the other car. Fits into the super lightweight stroller I like. Car seat without base weighs 9.9 lbs.

Maybe I'll pack my hospital bag today?

I'm slowly making up my mind to stop working like.. soon. I don't mean for good just pre-hybrid arrival. I'm scheduled another week and just worn out. Maybe I'll work tomorrow, see if we've made any progress Tuesday and then be done working?

I love when Bonnie Prince Billy sings this.

I am a mountain
I am a tall tree
Ohhh, I am a swift wind
Sweepin' the country
I am a river
Down in the valley
Ohhh, I am a vision
And I can see clearly
If anybody asks you who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the face and say

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the worlds greatest
And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it mmm
I'm the worlds greatest

Shit I need at Target. Super Target.

english cucumber
changing pad and cover
temporary filling crap for my teeth
diaper rash stuff
pick up another 1 or 2 of those organizer bins - bigger sizes
closet hanging organizer?
bread
amazingly comfortable pajama top with easy boob access



ALSO:
pick up bottle of wine
figure out breast pump situation?

A smattering of things.

I kind of want to talk about what I'm feeling and it seems sort of unproductive but I want it recorded.
Also, a lot of blogs I read that happen to be of women that have had babies, I read what was happening the weeks up to their labor, the hours before, etc. What were they feeling and thinking? At what point did they know?

Last night Roommate and I watched "There Will Be Blood." About halfway into the movie I realized I was having what seemed like regular contractions. Usually I have a lot of contractions at work while I'm walking around or immediately after work. I thought after awhile oh what the hell, I'm going to start peeking at the clock when I have these. They were 5 minutes apart lasting about a minute each so I finally told Roommate I'd been timing contractions. I did so another hour or so as the movie went on, me lounging on the couch. I decided to take a long, warm bath and just see if changing my activity changed the contractions. I had them through the bath, through another movie and then as I went to bed, still contracting. The contractions were totally regular and fairly strong but not painful at all, they just sort of took my breath away and got my attention.

I slept through the night and when I woke up this morning, no contractions but my back was hurting. That back pain felt very muscular in nature, like you'd feel after working in your yard all day. I've also had a plentiful amount of mucus exiting my body all day. I realize the plug (so fun to say, ugh) can jump ship all at once or more slowly. Still no bloody show, however.

I had a meeting at work today then came home and hung out awhile before we decided to go out for Thai food. I ate way too much. At home I felt poopy and pooped. I fell asleep on the couch for a little bit and when I woke up I just felt so insanely achey. My whole back just, so damn achey like a really crappy period. I pooped again. The weird ache got me feeling kind of jittery and while I'm still trying desperately to just roll with all this, the new things I start feeling get me sort of "is this it?" I feel like those questions are mostly fruitless because when it's time for me to know, I figure I'll know. If I'm still questioning it I definitely don't feel like it's time to call the doc or make a trip to the hospital. When I am finally in labor I want to labor as long as possible at home for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons is that I want to be in a comfortable place alone with my husband, just us, doing this for awhile.

Today was also my first go at checking my own cervix for dilation. Yeah, good luck with that. The midwife's description made it sound like I'd totally have an AHA moment and be like OHHHHHH, this is my cervix! Oh, there's the opening! Mmm..no. All very soft and squishy up there, and mucousy, also mucousy..

Right now I just feel achey and menstrual crampy. No clear starts and stops to pain just feeling rather uncomfortable, sitting on the balance ball fairly often. Tomorrow I work a 12 hour shift. I'm so over working right now. I'm scheduled another week but about to bail on that. Ugh. Super ugh.

My wonderful mama is coming over Sunday to help get things put away. That whole nesting bit never hit and I have to force myself to do absolutely anything requiring energy. The thought of going into labor last night and coming home to this disaster was a crappy thought so we definitely need to get some of this done. I wanna come home to some semblance of peace in the house. I've been reading way too many birth stories and googling like an idiot. Time to relax. It's not like I'm going to miss the show.

Spring.

It can rain all morning every day if the afternoons shape up like this.
Sixty-eight degrees and sunny right now though the clouds keep sneaking up on the sun as they pass by.

Right. So, now then..

Thanks to roommate I've discovered a great feature on MySpace. It's Karaoke and people record themselves singing and it's well....Awesome. I don't really know how to lead you there as I was signed into my MySpace when I discovered it listed on the left under entertainment. Entertaining indeed!



Thanks for reading all my pregnancy bullshit.

Small update. Small.

So I've started dilating and seducing my roommate.
I'm kidding.
I'm not in a hurry. I'm really and truly not. I'm being very patient.
But I have begun what I imagine will be a slow process. (not negatively guessing - just being realistic) I'm dilated to a 1 and 50% effaced. Could still be weeks.

Scary.

So this morning I'm reading about being 38 weeks pregnant and gah! People are idiots! Any sort of place where people can give input is scary. I can't even knock the horrible typos and misspellings. These boards are absolutely loaded with women giving out advice on how to induce your own labor. I feel bad for the women getting hope from such advice. "Take a walk! I walked real fast for 5 blocks and started my labor! Had the baby the next morning!" - "Drink caffeine! Caffeine gives me cramps and that's what got my labor going." - "I took a walk but it didn't work!! What now?" - "Have the doctor pull out your mucus plug." - "I keep having praxton hix." - "Those pains sound like you have a yeast infection." - "My doc told me I'm having zingers." - "I think the baby is scratching me!"

I'm mean, aren't I?
I have a doctor's appointment today. I've prepped myself for no news whatsoever.

Work, work. Oh goodness. I'm trying so hard to just keep on working. I would like a few days before the hybrid arrives to sort of get things ready as that is definitely not done. I know that having the diapers in a designated area isn't going to make much of a difference but I'd like to arrange things a little! The house needs a good cleaning. The bedroom needs organized. Baby's room needs.. whoah, a lot. I work tonight as our unit secretary then tomorrow a shift as a nurse that I'm dreading big.

I spend a lot of time these days thinking about what sounds good to eat. My favorite sandwich right now was inspired by a coworker's lunch and now I love to EAT IT. Toasted bread spread with laughing cow cheese (creamy swiss), thinly sliced english cucumbers and then add some tomato (if you can find one that tastes like a tomato) and/or just a few thin slices of turkey. Eat while pretending your teeth aren't about to crumble out of your mouth just like they do in your nightmares.

I just keep talking about the same stuff here. Unfortunate for you.

I'm pretty easily amused nowadays.

Funny teeth story!

And by funny, I mean tragic.

So today I'm at work - working and I decide since it's Saturday and they screwed me over today (unrelated) I'm going to make myself toast with strawberry jam and then I'm going to sit myself down in the nurse's station and EAT IT. That's what I did and afterwards I was picking up some things, cleaning, la la and I decided to get a piece of gum to chew. I was instantly dismayed to realize the gum was actually mushing up against my gums and the logic rolled through my brain in complete slow-mo as I realized the gum was mushing up against my gums because the tooth was gone. Where was the tooth? Rolling around in my mouth. Um.. VOMIT. So another tooth broke out and I seriously started to slip into semi-panic mode. I mumbled with my mouth covered that a tooth had just fallen out and I ran down the hall to the bathroom where I again wanted to vomit when I looked at the gummy hole with shards of tooth poking down. Am I really that slow of a learner? Apparently.

I hadn't ever yet made it to the dentist so today while I was nearing a freak-out someone called our emergency department and asked about the dentist they call in an emergency to come see someone at the hospital and then a co-worker gave me that number and I called the answering service to have that dentist paged and ring ring he called me back (!) moments later and told me to meet him at his (closed) office at 1 pm and he'd help me. He is super nice and after x-rays (okayed by my OB) he told me he thinks we can maybe salvage the teeth but the one that broke today...maybe not as there's not a whole lot left of it. (ew) I'm so embarrassed that I let this go so far. I now have this temporary filling stuff there to kill bacteria and essentially protect the insanely sensitive nerves. It feels like it could just fall out at any moment but he said if I can manage to keep it in 12-24 hours it should harden. We're hoping it can last a month or so until the baby's born and then we can start the more intensive (aka root canal business) stuff.

Also, FYI, there's a dental conference in KC this weekend so if you're needing a dentist, seems that's where they can all be found.

I vow to teach my kid to LOVE the dentist.

Friday Night

I should be sleeping as work comes early in the morning. Twelve hours of bliss tomorrow.

My body is totally warming up for laboring. It feels different on a daily basis. The contractions are changing, the baby is slipping lower into my pelvis and the strange aches that stretch through below are surreal. My entire belly went lopsided earlier when I watched the baby roll its body from the right side of me to the left, butt slipping right across the center as usual. People that touch can feel appendages and it's easy to find wee feet.

Can you believe this is happening? I cannot. When we sat at the kitchen table today trying to pin down names I started thinking wow, we're really doing this. After he finished the assembly of the stroller and gave it a test push I imagined him pushing our child in it. By the way, that stroller - totally lightweight, very easy to fold/unfold, turns easily and is cute to boot!

Today I made soup. I just wanted a simple vegetable soup. It turned out pretty good and I've had two bowls so far. Lotsa bowls left to be had including the one packed for lunch tomorrow.

I should sleep.

Sorry. I tried to crop out my underwear.

(For comparison's sake)

Let me get this straight..

So Parrish and Bonnie had a wee baby sparrow recently?
Parrish planted a cherry tree for his new daughter?
The quiet telling of such news is killing me! But it's so beautiful.
Did you know?
I had no idea!
Serious, major congratulations to Parrish & Bonnie.

Accomplished.

Thirty-seven weeks into pregnancy I mastered the urine sample. My hand no longer emerges dripping. Seriously, what is the key to a good urine sample? What is the method? Being male would definitely be preferable when offering up such a sample. Point and click, baby. Point - and - Click.

This weekly appointment business feels awfully pointless though I know in a week or so I'll be thankful. I'll be waiting to hear about progress. This last time was full of "excellent blood pressure, baby sure is growing, any questions?" Um..guess not.

I finally broke down and did some compromising at work. I guess I got wise to this grown-up aspect of being one's own advocate. Did I expect my doctor to call over and say, "Aww, guys. Go easy on the ol' girl." So I said no more 12-hour shifts on the floor. My schedule has been adjusted in a smallish way but I think it will help. I spent over 15 hours there Monday and decided nope, no more. Not okay for my body to feel that way. Not at this stage.

Yesterday I was beyond tempted to pull out some Baby Came April Fool's pranks but in the end decided it was too much. It was an easy temptation off-blog as well as my family knew I had a doctor's appointment yesterday.

Work is busy and that's good as I like it to keep the days moving in a steady fashion. I don't want any of this watching the calendar stuff. The baby has definitely grown a bunch in the past week and I had gained 3 pounds at my appointment.

What a boring update, right? An update all the same.
I'm feeling pretty weird tonight. I was having a ton of Braxton Hicks contractions all afternoon/evening at work and they're lingering on. I took a warm bath and am working on ignoring the strange pain moving up my shoulders.

Oh and Sunday was the baby shower. People are insanely generous and you wouldn't believe the amazing things people made by hand for our hybrid. I'm grateful, so grateful.