Is it Spring yet?

Sick of winter and our mental illness around here. Gah! We've spent the last couple days apartment hunting and man. So weird. We've found one we really like and it's cheaper than the house we live in now and it's all electric so even if that's high the utilities should be less. Utilities are insane here so how could an apartment not be cheaper? I have a hard time with this because it sort of feels like we're going backward but who's to say what moving forward means? I think for us right now, moving forward and onward and upward would mean getting a really good handle on a budget and our mental status. I'm serious. Our daughter is the thing that keeps us afloat amidst the depression we're both battling. I took Zoloft for a couple months after Beebs was born. when I went in for my six week post-partum check-up I told the midwife what an awful person I was being to my husband and she wrote the script and told me I needed to take it for at least a year. I really had a hard time taking it, mostly because I'm breastfeeding and I felt like I should be able to deal with it without medication. I'm not sure that's the case because it seems like I cry or fly into fits of rage about four out of seven days. The smallest, most insignificant thing can make me want to just throw things. Our kitchen table is always cluttered lately and I was clearing it for dinner one night and it was all I could do to not just sweep it all onto the floor in one giant motion. I was so angry at that mess and at myself for creating it. I feel like a failure at all that I do, at every role I play. Sucking at my job? Check! Shitty wife? Check! Not as energized/wholesome/active/etc. mom? Check! Zero social life? Check! Ungrateful daughter? Check! Getting fatter? Check! and this list goes on. Self-loathing is sooooooooooo last winter. Time to shed this shit, man. I'm pretty sure I've probably written some variation of this blog post 100 times over because still I struggle. One of my charge nurses at work suggested I use the free employee assistance thing and get some mental health help. I need some goals. I don't know where to start? Small. I've got to start small.