8.24.2009
Longing, longing.
I am longing for female companionship. I just read this and am now headed over to Kelly Rae's blog to read what she has to say about creating the kind of times we long for. I think I am 100% guilty of building up this idea of friendship and community in my head and then sort of looking around waiting for it to plop into my lap. I keep thinking, man, I wish we had friends that invited us over for dinner and like...really wanted us there! Let me tell you the last time I invited friends over for dinner. ________ It's like that whole expending energy to get energy thing. It's so damn hard to start.
For ages now I've been wanting some like-minded friends and I just don't put any energy into that endeavor. If you're friends with me, I'm sorry I don't give enough. When I was just looking through the photos from Andrea's and Kelly Rae's blogs I get so caught up in judging myself like, I could never do that, I'm too fat/ugly/lame/poor/etc. to do that. Do you know the pure heartbreak I would feel if I witnessed my daughter feeling that way about herself? I have a daughter! Oh how she deserves to have a model in her life that shows her something different.
When will I change?
Dear Self,
Let's get a move on!
love,
me
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I know what you mean, and I go through it myself at times! Stop comparing yourself to others (it's so much easier to tell you to do it and not listen to myself, sheesh). You're at least getting out, which is a good step.
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, my friend had her baby on Saturday. Little boy. And now she's gently pressuring me to have one! "See, it's not so bad." And even though he's cried and had problems with feeding, I see her point, though I would really be quite scared to have one of my own. But he is a doll.
Melinda! I was thinking last night during Beebs' bath (random??) about your friend and whether or not she'd had her baby!!!
ReplyDeleteDid you decide to get anything from the list? Just curious!! I always like hearing what baby stuff people like. I was just reading about the Woombie! Have you seen that!?? Weird/Cool
Havin' babies is scary. I still can't believe I have one. It rocks though. NOT that I try to pressure others to do the same. jus sayin'
congrats to your friend!!
I love that site and read it every day. I too feel the same need and yearning for that friendship, especially since I moved 2000 miles away from all the friends and family I've ever known almost 3 years ago. I have still not let go of that longing just to move back but also realize that I need to make this work as well - because who knows where we will be next. I am searching for this and to get those friends together and I think I have attempted through a "community blog" but over the last few months it has dwindled because I think that we are all so used to proving ourselves to others rather than proving ourselves to ourselves. Meaning - we all need to start to grasp that we are all okay and let's just drop the crap - get together - and have some fun. I would love to get a group (small group) of women together for a weekend getaway where we just talk - share - and love the fact that we are all individuals and embrace that.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I have found that it is also okay to define our job but to not let it define you. Think about trying to make it a point to take the time to be lazy on the days off (and understand that is okay, work hard on the days that are there and understand that you can't do everything. I've been struggling to try and balance this thought process for months now and it is especially hard due to a new baby over the last year and remembering that I used to take time out just puttsing around the house - doing some chores but also being creative with my surroundings...or just being lazy and enjoying the music. I'm trying to recapture those moments again - this time though - adding a toddler to the mix. Which in my mind - will show him that it is okay to just be.
And it is also okay to think that not only do our jobs not define but our kids don't define us. We define ourselves thru what we love and what we hold on to and hopefully that is passed on to co-workers and to our children and friends. Remember you. It is okay.
i constantly look at other people's photos and their awesome, cool, funky parties. and the way their photos are perfect and the light was just right and how they look like they could be in an anthroplogie catalog. and then i think "maybe i'd be like that, too, if i lived in LA or San Fran." and then i think, "or maybe i just need more friends. friends who invite me to cool, funky, fun, beautiful parties."
ReplyDeletewho are THOSE people anyway?!?! maybe the majority of people are just like us.
maybe WE should be friends.