The History of Love.

Yesterday was good and awful. Not good and also awful but good and awful. I woke up too early and was excited to start the day and be so productive but instead I spent much of the day feeling totally exhausted and I was grumpy and snippy and mean to my Roommate/s. The baby girl we have decided sleep was useless until after dinner when she had a full belly and drifted off to sleep in her highchair doing the slow slow blinks. We lifted her out and washed her hands before laying her down and she was up up up for the rest of the day. I fell asleep on the bare bed that had no sheets on it because one of my roommates had put them in the wash yesterday morning. I woke up periodically to hear the baby girl screeching or laughing or fussing and toddling around while her roommate, our roommate, THE Roommate cleaned up after dinner and operated quietly after I'd snipped and snapped and lay sleeping in our bare bed. I woke up after 11 and then we spent a long, confusing while getting the baby to sleep. I just wanted to fall back asleep but she was so awake and and and. Right now they're still both asleep. I made scones and cleaned the kitchen and drank coffee and started the dishwasher and a load of towels in the wash and then I got my book out, The History of Love and ripped off a scrap of paper to be my bookmark as the hair tie of baby girl's I'd been using fell out at some point. I went out on the porch in the sun to read and I propped up my feet so my legs were also in the sunny part of the porch and I kept thinking Vitamin D will make me happier. Vitamin D. I need this sun to make some Vitamin D in me to make some happiness in me. I finished my book out there so I didn't need that scrap of paper. I kept flipping those last blank pages looking for some more words but it was finished. I felt a little drop of sweat slip under my breast and felt more alive than I have in months. Do not breathe too much conditioned air or it will kill you.

post work, pre sleep, pre work.

Hi! Regular'ish posting is fun! Man, long day at work, buddies. I was almost late, clocked in about 0640 and clocked out at like 2109. what's that? I don't know. long. Great patients, great co-workers. K helped me tie up a bunch of loose ends while I gave report. Thank you. Can't believe Michael Jackson died but what's with calling him MJ? Ok, you're on Twitter and space is limited but come on. I don't like it. But who asked me? Also it makes me think of Kirsten Dunst. stoppit. I gave Beebs a bite of my peanut butter/honey sandwich. I felt like I was giving her a beer and cigarette. I'm all googling that shit WHILE she's panting at my side desperate for a bite. I told Roommate to get ready to call 911 just in case. I've decided Beebs looks like a Beatle. Total moptop, man. (Yay for this post, right?!) Ok, back to work in a bit. ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... My mom's coming over this weekend. She's never seen our new place because we work like opposite schedules. Suggest a new job for me. What would I love? Ha. I don't want to work 5 days a week. 12 hrs is fine, but 15 or 16 is hard sometimes. oy. We're goin' to bed. shoot.

Oh hi again.

Hi again. Trying to clean out my brain. Roommate and I went on a date tonight and it was fun! We'd never been gone from Beebs for so long. I mean, I'm gone all day when I go to work but never both of us, gone, away. She had so much fun without us! heh. We ate food and went to see Drag Me to Hell. Roommate's choice. I'm kind of dreading work tomorrow. I get to work with my favorite co-worker so that takes the sting out. I really meant to come home, hop in the shower, go to bed. And then I started looking at Liz's blog and I got all engrossed in it. (Man I love when ppl update their blogs regularly!!! It's like I can work a couple days or something and then have something to get all lost in. Glorious!) Also I'm reading my library books and gah! Love reading. I got The Three Incestuous Sisters because it's by the author of The Time Traveler's Wife and that one had a 71 day wait at the library. Two of those books I heard of via H. And what the hell..google books? I can read the whole thing online? all 800 something pages? Hrm. Thank you for giving my brain something to think about besides the 8 million boxes we haven't unpacked. Go ahead and picture 8 million boxes in a 2 bedroom apartment. Crowded, right? Stressful!! Now picture the glorious wonderland it is for a toddler tot. Ok crud. I better shower and get to bed. The alarm is going off early!! ew. Eat a plum in your underwear today, err tomorrow!! Also, that Big Bird chair? It was mine!

I got in trouble this past week at work and I just can't shake the way it has made me feel. My feeling-like-a-failureness has been amped up bigger and nastier than before and I don't know how to handle it. Part of me is like oh F it! Who cares? So I got in trouble. I'm not getting fired. And part of me would kick your ass if you flat out told me I suck but if you try to say it in a more subtle way, I'll probably agree and sink. Hate these qualities about myself.

This post brought to you by Target. oy.

Trying on clothes at Target makes me feel super fat. When people say on their blogs they have nothing to say and then write some long rambling post about "nothing"(a la this post) - those are my favorites. Tonight Beebs and I are going to a baby shower for one of my closest friends in HS that now lives in China. I'm excited to see her. We were close in HS and hardly talk now. So it goes. I was a serious consumer today and spent way too much $$ at Target. Bad sign when I spent way too much money and could carry everything in from the car in 1 measly trip. Meep. Should work some overtime. ick! Hey, Kristen - update your blog when you're not busy working for me. :) I still have to remind myself I don't need to look at Father's Day cards for my own dad each year. At Target when I was getting a lame storebought card for my father in law and father of my child this mom was telling her son they'd make cards at home and he kept whining and saying NOoooo, I want a REAL card!! heh. oh kid. TV sucks since the digital conversion. We get hardly any channels with our stupid converter box and I'm annoyed to think about going to get a special antenna or something. Ahh well. We don't need it, right? I'm still jumpy when I can hear other people talking and such right outside my door. So weird. Went swimming alone yesterday morning. Pool was empty. It was glorious. Was considering a nap while my family sleeps and now I hear them stirring. bye!

Today!

I'm drained so I've had nothin' but pictures to share with you lately. a thousand words and all that. This is an adorable shirt our friend made for us. I've yet to send out thank you cards from Beebs' birthday because I suck and...busy and that drained thing and also I suck. We vowed last night that today was a productive day and then we slept in and now we're planning a trip to the pool so whatevs. That's productive, right? Productive in filling up the reserves again. Hope you're having a great day. I love pigtails and this shirt! Thank you!! (P.S. The next time some ice cream inspiration washes over you, I'm rushing over with a spoon and open maw.) If you meet someone with no bean, you should give them half your bean 'cause you will be less hungry than if you eat your bean in front of someone with no bean. (from kimya d)

fave

One of my favorite photos from the Old Shawnee Days Parade.

This was so fun. (sorry 'bout the squeezies, baby ckn and frog)