The 15 month old.

boo boo! This girl is so great. I feel closer and closer to her all the time. The other day we were alone while Roommate slept and I just felt like we were chatting and it felt like she had morphed into a new little person. She's totally nuts in the best way.

And again.

Ok funny story! Monday I went to the psychiatrist, right? And she's all, go get your junk checked out since you haven't had a period since before baby was born, right? Right. So Tuesday I'm at work and I'm hurting, hurting, feeling crappy. I go to the bathroom and cha ching! Period time! Are you kidding me? A) I was totally unprepared and B) what? did the body just need a little intimidation? The threat of a strange man looking at my lala and then it's all OK OK, we got it! Period! Coming right up! I ended up calling my psychiatrist (totally weird and foreign to say that. oy!) and explained to her what happened thinking maybe she'd think I was totally making it up to avoid an OB visit or just get started on the medication but she chuckled with me. I have such good vibes about her. I want you to know this period is a killer. It's the kind that makes me nervous to go out into public. That was super fun at work yesterday and the day before. It's also painful. Blech. This period showed up on July 28, the day Beebs turned 15 months old. (this is info for myself to keep track of, you know) Sorry for all the period period period talk. I'm worse than the RN that comes to visit your class in 5th grade and shows you some awkward videos. But hey, maybe some lady was reading this and is in the post-partum time of life and is all, hrm when WILL Aunt Flo visit me again? (For the record, I hate that term.) So maybe I'll fill this prescription for my antidepressant?

Mental health update.

This whole post will probably seem all TMI and stuff but whatevs. So a couple weeks ago I finally contacted the Employee Assistance Program offered through my job. That's when the lady asked me why I wanted to set up an appointment and I started nervously laughing and said "I think I'm depressed." Um..okay. I googled the doc she set me up with as I didn't know one to ask for and was horrified when I found some results on a doctor with the same name that graduated high school the year before me. Therefore I was skeptical and went into it being all..bleh. When I show up to this place it's an old old office building with all sorts of random offices in it and there's this ramshackle square downstairs where the receptionist sits. In my 2 visits I have come to really be annoyed by this lady and it's because I'm an asshole. Lady is rude and acts generally put out when spoken to, is always on personal calls throughout my whole wait time - usually bitching at her kids. I do like, for some reason, that when I walk in, there's a little bowl and saucer set out next to the trash can, like for a cat. ha. What if that annoying receptionist is soft-hearted enough to feed strays? :) ANYWAY - focus - the counselor guy I've been seeing did not in fact graduate high school a year before me but rather you know, like 20 years before me. He's so nice, delightfully dorky and seems super smart (which is a plus). Just being in his office makes me generally start weeping. I don't know what it is. I think it's like how at Target whatever is in their vents makes me uncontrollably spend money and lose all good sense? In his vents it's like crying gas seeping through and it's lilac colored. Where was I? So he recommended that in addition to the talk-therapy he and I are doing I also see a Psychiatrist. I saw her for the first time today and loved her. He told me before I met her that she is very wise and I thought if there's anything I want my psychiatrist to be - it's wise. She asked that I go promptly to see my OB to get cleared vagina-wise because I haven't had a period yet since Beebs was born and while I didn't think 15 months post-partum was abnormal to go without one she would like me to get that checked out. She's also concerned about the weight gain and holy shit, me too. It only fully sunk into me how much I've gained when I said it outloud to her. I have gained 60 pounds in the past year. I lost over 50 through and after my pregnancy and now I've gained back that plus 10 more? HOW? And with breastfeeding? Sick. that grosses me out. I'm going to like have a heart attack or something. Anyway, it feels good at least to be trying, ya'know? Like I'm making an effort at getting better and doing some concrete things to make steps toward that goal. I also bought myself a journal at the recommendation of Counselor. I got a really cute one so I'd look forward to writing in it, even if I was writing ugly things about my feelings. My feeeeelings. Which by the way lately are just so overwhelmed by anger and rage. Ick. I also bought a cute little journal with owls and trees and stuff in it to write love notes to my daughter as I've been a total slacker on her baby book. The only thing I've written in it was the day she laughed for the first time. I dunno, I kind of like that it's the only thing in there but man, I had such great plans for that book! I seriously have to try not to get all overwhelmed and guilty feeling for not filling that book to brimming. I start thinking - have I wasted all this time? I'll forget little things she did! Will she realize how head over heels crazy mad in love with her I am? That's where I am right now. Going to work, dreaming of taking a vacation, vaguely thinking of plans for October when we're going to Texas for Roommate's brother's wedding and then a side-trip to Austin to see this cutie and her doting lover and other goodness. I need to figure out where we're going to stay in Austin? Anyone have a great place they've stayed there? I should start saving some money for this trip, eh? Oy! Hope you're great. I have a prescription for an anti-depressant in my possession. I'm to fill it after seeing my OB. I have an appt Thursday to see OB (not my usual but rather..her dad, heh, same practice. wee!) I've never had a male doc to check out my lala.

Oompa Loompa.

Last night we were in a department store with my mom and mother-in-law (wait, it gets better!). There was a display of digital scales there. I took one of these digital scales down and stepped on it and then after an agonizing few seconds this weird number popped up. It was this huge number I've never seen when stepping on one of those. Never seen. Have never seen this number when 9 months pregnant and ready to have a baby bust out of me never seen and because of that I'm feeling pretty broken down. I don't think I can type anymore about that at the moment.

While Beebs gets her teeth brushed...

Went to Shawnee Mission Park tonight after the 3 of us woke up from a 4(!) hour nap. My sleep schedule is seriously out of whack and so is Beebs'. Last night she went to bed a little before 8 and I knew she'd wake up 'cause she never goes to bed that early. We started watching the Danny Boyle movie, "Millions" (really liked it). She woke up around 10 or so and Roommate and I went in to settle her back to sleep. She was having none of it. She was lying there for a good hour and a half, nearly asleep, breathing steady, eyes open - staring like a zombie. We were both just sort of in that ohmygosh, go-back-to-sleep-already mode and I was staring at him silently and smiling and then he couldn't stifle a laugh and then I was laughing and then we all just got up and ate ice cream on the couch while we finished the movie. Ha. We were in bed with her being so silent and then it was like we were in 4th grade and supposed to be quiet but we just couldn't any longer and we started cracking up. We saw so many deer at Shawnee Mission Park. If you're local I'm sure you've heard about the over-population. What did they decide? To let local police snipers go in and kill some? It makes me sad and I can see the big picture but it's not the deer's fault they've become overcrowded. Them does is hoes, ya'know? heh. But seriously, are they going to at least feed some homeless people with the venison? My alarm clock is going off at 5 am. I've been canceled from work a couple times in the last week and while my paycheck will suffer, it was so needed and so nice and I'm so grateful! Planning steel cut oats for breakfast. Doesn't seem like a summer breakfast but it sounds so good. I haven't showered in 3 days so I think I'll go do that now. Maybe we'll eventually sleep some tonight.

For Melinda: Baby Crap I Like

Baby Crap I Like: Melinda. I have no idea what your price range is or really what you're interested in but here are some things I love. Baby Hawk - this is a baby carrier you tie on. It's insanely comfortable and Beebs loved/loves being in it. I loved picking out the fabric too. You can make it reversible so you get even more options. These are pricey but I love mine. You can give a certificate so the person you're buying for can pick their own fabrics too. Swing - Beebs LOVED her swing. So did we!! haha. Lots of different swings. California Baby anything - I'm such a sucker for this stuff. I rarely buy it but damn it smells good. I love the calming and I love you baby bath. The diaper cream is my favorite diaper cream. Oh and the calendula cream is super awesome for baby and mamas. I like to rub a little on my face, under my eyes and stuff. If your mama friend doesn't have an ounce of hippie in her she might not like these scents. Play Mat - this is the one we have. Beebs enjoyed it a lot. Little Hoot - cute book. :) there's also little pea, little oink. amy rosenthal does cute stuff!! Swaddler - We received this as a gift and it's great but sometimes Beebs liked sleeping in it and sometimes not. She's been an arms & legs free kind of girl from the beginning. It's super easy to swaddle in this though when you're like half asleep and it stays pretty secure/snug. (These look cute too - err, I love the prints!!) Itzbeen - I heard I would like this but we're not really timer people. I know some Type A's that would enjoy this. I would throw it. The First 1000 Days - Man. I LOVE anything Nikki McClure does. This book is so lovely and so perfect for writing in. You don't feel like you're going to mar its lovely pages by jotting and drawing and scribbling about your baby all over it. I have sucked at writing in this but I love it! the one entry (oh my gosh! mom of the year!) is under First Laugh, August 1. She has more fun kids' books too. Avent - wide neck bottles. I breastfeed but when I'm at work, Beebs has gotten bottles. I tried a whole bunch and got a little obsessive about finding the coolest most breast-like one. These were given to us as a gift from one of my co-workers and they have been the ones we have always used even after trying 800 others. They make BPA free ones. Beebs had no problems going back and forth between these and breast. I was looking for wide neck on their website..maybe it's called the Natural Feeder? Either way, big wide nipple. Trumpette Socks - we had the Cheeritoes (one sock is striped, the other is polka dots - box set). Beebs wore these every day. They're just cute. :) Speesees - Love their stuff. All of it. Every last drop. We got a natural teether here that Beebs still loves to gnaw on. We also have a bib from here that is super thick and durable. Still looks great after a zillion washes. (cute mobile!) Melinda, this is where I evaluate my list and see that maybe it's not that helpful? Ha. I keep thinking ok, super useful gadgets.. I guess we don't own any gadgety stuff really. We're simpletons. My friend LOVED having a little bottle mixer whirler thing for formula. We used a wipes warmer for awhile but then it was just annoying and I felt like Beebs should be introduced to the cruel cruel world. Earth's Best - We really loved their variety of baby foods and I always thought it would be fun to give/receive one of their sampler cases. Happy Baby Food - same thing - they have great cereals (frozen baby food that you won't be giving at a shower but..still..cool!) Nerdling onesie - I always really wanted this. Gowns - handy if they're easy to get over the head! We had some that were torture. I've always coveted Kate Quinn stuff but honestly do not own any. heh. These look SO soft and cozy. Zutano - Love their Itzy Bitzy newborn line. The prints and colors and very very mixy matchy. Beebs came home in one of their outfits. Soft Landing - great, non-toxic stuff. Hope you've made it this far. Sophie - this is one of the first things we bought for Beebs while she was still nestled in the ol' womb. (like i'm just a regular baby factory) -- She still loves this. I love it. Cute, great to chew on, squeaks, adorable, etc. Sophie! Roommate once made fun of paying so much for a teether but..worth it! Boon - pretty cute stuff. We have the sippy cup which looks weird and people always wonder what the hell it is but it's easy for Beebs to hold, doesn't leak all over the place and doesn't have an annoying valve or something. We also have the snack ball - love it. These won't be immediately used for a baby but...soon enough!! It's fun to have baby gifts around that come in handy a few months down the road. We had a stash of those items and it'd be like oh cool, let's open this one now! Delayed satisfaction. Target carries some Boon stuff, a couple bath things, the cup & snack ball, the spoons & baby food squirter. I haven't tried the spoons or squirter. haha. squirter. Grow with me walker - something we love now - got this when she was about 9 months old so she could start walking around with it. Versatile, sturdy, will last for years, changes. Inhabitots - man they just link CUTE stuff. Co-sleeper - we used this when she was tiny. Now she gets 3/4 of the bed and we share the last 1/4. Combi - stroller and car seat from here. LOVE them both. love love. American Apparel Kids - Super soft, super durable, very very washable, very easy to mix/match. We bought Beebs all diff color karate pants/onesies, a beanie, some long sleeve, some short sleeve. Wonderful!! I purchased from Amazon, it was cheaper. MightyJunior - always links to things I covet or buy. ha. Here are some of their links for things babies 0-1 might like. :) -- love those Spanish blocks, Baby update cards, Once a year baby book, growth charts and I'm dying over the gorgeous letterpress alphabet prints. ((also see Mighty Goods and Mighty Haus)) Footprint kit - this looks sweet. I'm pretty confident the baby needs these, Melinda. I've got some great stuff for my nephew from Knuckleheads. I feel like I missed the mark some on this list. I feel like I've included anything we used the hell out of. Oh here's the highchair we have and love and use daily - since she was little little. We got it on sale though. Trust that I drooled over gorgeous pieces from Switzerland or something but this is the one we use. heh. I guess people usually register for those big items anyway. I always heard good things about Phil & Teds MeToo chair. Let me know if you pick anything from this list!! Here's a WAY cooler/more concise list from Maggie at MightyGirl!! I love this list and looked at it while pregnant and indeed purchased some of these items. Maggie's got her stuff together, man. OOooh, glass bottles! And a nursing cover is essential (err, was to me). I was super picky about the fabric though so I don't think someone else could've picked this for me as a gift. I love the idea of putting together a nursing kid. Ok, I'm going to delete my entire list now because you have everything you need with Maggie's list. * Some Toddler things too!!

MONDAY!

I questioned whether maybe I'm bi-polar but can't think of any uppity ups so I'm thinking no. Then, after a couple of online quizzes (not of the facebook variety but almost as absurd) questioning bi-polarness I instead searched out the employee assistance program my hospital place of employment offers and decided tomorrow OR my next day off (Thursday) I'll make an appointment. The lows are getting lower and longer and more ragey. Ew. We swam today and this girl, 12 or so, would NOT leave us alone. It was crowded, much more crowded than I prefer (empty, please) and she was all touchy talky with the baby. I understand, people do this, and I've yet to find my comfort level. I can't decide if I should interact with that person or just ignore it or? Usually I give a polite little "Say Hi!" and then I do not interact anymore. She would latch onto the baby's floaty and spin her around and then she wanted to know where we live (to which I responded, "at the bottom of the hill") and I'm telling you, this went on the ENTIRE time we were there. She basically had the 3 of us backed into a corner and sometimes she'd go underwater and I'd attempt to escape and then HERE she comes! Roommate was annoyed too and we ended up cuting our water escapades short because of her. I feel kind of mean for responding that way but MAN. Anyway. I made an attempt at grooming myself prior to work tomorrow. I showered, put this shine stuff on my hair and then put it in curlers. Sponge curlers. To sleep in. Hope you had a fun holiday weekend and such.