Dude. I think I'm over winter. I relish in some of the cozier days spent at home with Beebs where we do things like take warm baths and bake bread and read books in blankets and watch Charlie and Lola in bed and I get to watch her eat handfuls of snow and we make cocoa and it seems like a holiday but other than that, I'm ready for Spring! Spring, with a curly cue on the S and a daisy dotting the i and grass growing on the g.
I've been spending my days caught up in a hyper awareness of the magic that is the now and also dreaming about the future. Just like when I was younger and afraid to admit that deep longing I had for a child someday, I'm now afraid to admit that longing again. A friend assures me I merely think that because my baby's no longer a baby but it's more than that. I never realized how much I'd love being a mom and I so want a sibling for Beebs. It's not time yet but someday!
I know this is silly but it hurts my feelings a tiny bit when I send a personal email to a friend asking questions and such la la la and never receive a response. There are a few people I have attempted cultivating friendships with and they're just plain too busy for it to go anywhere and I end up feeling like a dorky teenage boy with unrequited love.
Yeah, winter sucks. And sometimes friends suck. That's ok. They can suck. You can tell them what you need. They won't know unless you tell them. You now have my email address, and I still don't have one from you....
ReplyDeletecharlie and lola are my favorite and best...
ReplyDeletemore fat flakes fall, yet the green scent of early spring wafts upw from my minty hot chocolate; desire imagines me into the future.
the rest is merely patience.