I wanted to just post that pretty tree pic and nothing else but I've decided I need to talk myself through some of these potential new job anxieties.

First off, I have nothing to wear to a job interview and went wearing something that may or may not have looked somewhat awkward and I tried to offset that by this super happy little green cardigan I have that makes me feel happy and maybe instead just made the whole thing kind of too super casual?  Whatevs.  So I got all pumped up.  I was wearing mascara and I'd washed (and blow dried!) my hair.  I'm so excited about the potential this job has that I had genuinely talked myself into a "show 'em what you're made of" frenzy but when I got there, I forgot that in the car and instead came in armed with my green cardigan and dry mouth.

The director was awkward and distracted during the interview and I felt like I didn't really get an opportunity to even attempt to show that I might possibly be qualified.  Also, her computer was broken so shortly after I got myself settled into a chair and contemplated whether or not my body language seemed open an IT guy came into fix it so she had me move and sit on the other side of the room.  We attempted to pick back up and then the IT guy needed on her side of the desk so she moved to another chair and re-settled and I smiled a lot and when she sort of glanced around the room and said this long drawn out "Weeellll..." I piped up, "I'm really excited!"

Anyway, for some reason I felt protective of this job and what it is and so I've been kind of vague but it's in Labor & Delivery and when I think about L&D I get all excited and I feel interested and passionate and eager but when I was up there and the director called herself an adrenaline junkie (why do I hate that term?) and said that was required to survive in the job I started questioning whether that's me.  I don't think I'm an adrenaline junkie but the adrenaline on my job is usually when someone is crashing and on this job it would be more adrenaline in the way of intensity/labor/critical situation/timing..you know?  Instead of always a bad situation.   

I'm telling you/myself all of this because I'm trying to figure out just what the hell it is that always gets me so intimidated?  And don't you think they needs different TYPES of people in L&D?  I'm taking my little walking tour while we're talking and I'm going oh, look how slim and cute and young those nurses are and they seem so confident talking to the docs like they're old pals and wow those scrub pants are tight but they look cute.  Am I a snail?  Do I move like a snail?  Should I tell this director I'm probably horribly slow?  She asked what my co-workers would say I need to work on..what a weakness is and all I could think was, oh my god I'm slow aren't I?  I'm slow!  Tell her how slow you are, you pathetic SLOW SNAIL SLOW HEAD PIECE OF FROZEN MOLASSES NOT EVEN MOVING AT ALL.  I'm often the last person there from day shift finishing charting.  I like to think this is because I focus more on my patient care than documenting crap in the stupid computer but maybe it's just because I'm slowwww.

I'm a good nurse and right now I'm so burnt out on my floor that I'm not a great nurse and that's unfortunate.  I'd like to move on and try something new.  The director said, you know if you like routine and more calm then you should probably check into working Mother Baby.  When I told our nurse educator she said, um..maybe you should think about Mother Baby?  WHY??

K, could you chime in on this?  I feel like I can't know without trying it.