Things I've been liking:

(not an exhaustive list)

• anything classic summer I can do/show/play with my kid.  sprinklers, lemonade, playing outside naked (just her, not me), watering flowers, looking at bugs, watermelon, corn on the cob, stars, etc.
• iced tea (still stuck on Tazo iced black tea -- so good, try mixing it with peach nectar!)
• watching movies or Big Love after Beebs is asleep
• working hard to get better at putting in IV's at work.  This is something that has always caused me much anxiety and I've avoided it which has made me not have the practice I should have had (eek.  embarrassing).  On my old unit I could go days and days without needing to start an IV and now I start at least a couple a day.  We want it in on the first stick, obviously and we use 18g needles.  Thankfully, pregnant women are juicy -- lots of blood flow but everyone's body is a little different so sometimes I get it the first try and sometimes I don't.  My preceptor really likes to talk about it if I miss.  heh.  I'm trying to be more ballsy and offer to start other nurse's IV's (if they don't mind) to just get over my unnecessary anxiety.  If you're interested, here's a large list of IV tips and tricks). 
• daydreaming about our new house, working in our yard, settling in  (wild strawberries and pear tree, lavender and hostas, oh my!)
• bubble gum
• popcorn
• creative salads
• taking my lunch to work
• reading about making my own laundry soap.  I've been wanting to for a long time.  I think I'll make some powder and shave some peppermint Dr. Bronner's bar soap in it as Soulemama did.  Sounds lovely!! 
• putting sugar in my facewash
• chamomile tea as toner!  thanks, S!
• using vinegar for..like..everything
• greek yogurt, forever and ever amen

I'm gettin' tired.  Hope you've been having a nice weekend and if you've been at work, good on ya and sorry.  Relax as soon as you can.  

p a i n t

We have never had the luxury of painting our dwelling.  I know luxury sounds like a stretch but I'm so excited to customize in that way.  Right now the entire place is done in classic JoCo Pottery Barn'esque neutral.  Fine start, whatevs.  The kitchen has a dark floor and dark cabinets so I'd really like something bright to offset that.  Help me with some color ideas.  I love bright and airy.  I'm also ready for some COLOR. 

Maybe he'll take a karate class.

Listening to Roommate & Beebs on the floor reading "If you give a cat a cupcake.."  I made chicken fajitas for dinner and then we snarfed a bunch of watermelon.  Seedless watermelon.  It was on sale.

This morning I got out Beebs' baby pool her aunt got her last summer.  It's inflatable and of course it has a hole in it but I taped that up and we got busy slathering on sunscreen and filling the pool with water.  We played together awhile and then I drank iced tea and read a book for awhile.  It felt so luxurious for us to just be hangin' out outside in the sun.  I can't wait until we have more space than our tiny railed patio.  Gah.  Just have to figure out what to do about the mosquitoes.  Seriously.  I can't stand it.  If there are mosquitoes around I'll get 8 million bites and they get huge and welty and UGH!!  I think most of the problem is that there are a bunch of shrubby things and low-lying cedars and such that keep things fairly shady and damp so the mosquitoes are just going nuts out there.  eghizzzz!!

Have a fun weekend.  I'm so excited to be off work for it!  I think tomorrow we're going out to my mom's.  There will be lots of wandering and deck-sitting and Beebs can see the cows and chickens.  My mom needs to get a dog so we can live vicariously through her and just love it when we go there.  heh.

Weekend full of wonderful.

We are moving forward.  Moving, literally.  I sort of inadvertently signed up for email alerts on a real estate search site.  I think it happened because I wanted to save searches.  I started receiving daily emails that let me know about new houses just listed in our price range or price changes.  I've been deleting all these.  Last week I actually clicked a few of the links and Thursday morning there was 1 new house put on the market in our price range.  I looked at the pictures and immediately emailed our agent.  We looked at it Thursday eve and put in an offer, its first day on the market.  I love it!  WE love it! 

I had a buncha other stuff I planned to type out but man, I'm tired. 

Calm, like you're talking about the Lifetime movie you watched last night.

You know how sometimes you ask someone for advice and they tell you something rather generic and totally non-helpful, sort of give you a non-reassuring pat on the shoulder and go on to talk about themselves or something?  Yeah.  Well I have a few awesome friends that don't do that.  One particular friend I've sent some emails too lamenting the fact that I'm really struggling with my preceptor at work - the one orienting me to my new unit, Labor & Delivery.  Long story short (it's really not a long story I just have trouble explaining) - I feel stupid and also feel like she's not taking the time to tell me what's up but instead just snaps at me when I've done it wrong or not how she wants.  This friend of mine I emailed worked in L&D and here's the email she sent me.
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You need to say this to her, almost verbatim:

"I need you to be more specific and articulate what you DO and DO NOT want me to do independently.  I need a little more heads up before we go into a room about what you want me to do on my own and what you want me to ask you about before I take initiative.  I know I have been a nurse for a couple of years and I can start and IV, put in a foley, etc, BUT I need direction/instruction when it comes to learning this unit and the flow of patient care (also, if you have been given an orientation manual she may tell you to be reading it to answer you here, that's bullshit, she still needs to tell you stuff).  I need you to EXPLAIN the charting to me more than once, where stuff goes and WHY we are charting it that way. This may seem simplistic to you, but this is MY learning style.  If you think I am being simplistic or slow in certain areas, please tell me that so I can work on it.  If I am slowing you down then maybe I need to switch to a different preceptor and I would be happy to go and talk to the manager with you about that.  I do not want to be a burden to you in any way.  I have appreciated everything you have done for me, but I feel a little in over my head and I do not want to sacrifice patient care or create an unsafe environment for the patient in any way due to my learning curve. Please give me positive and and negative feedback as we progress so I know what you are expecting of me at all times.  I can't read your mind, and as I said earlier, I don't want to be annoying or a burden to you, but I am here to learn and learn it the RIGHT way.  I need you to give me more parameters and feedback. Thank you so much for everything you have taught me so far, I am really appreciating it.  I know it is hard to teach this stuff and be laboring a patient at the same time.  I really appreciated (fill in the blank with something specific that she has done well)"

YOU MUST REMAIN CALM (like you are talking about a fucking Lifetime movie you watched last night and what you thought about it, that calm, this is crucial) AND DO THIS IN A SOMEWHAT QUIET MOMENT WHEN SHE IS RELAXED AND CAUGHT JUST A TINY BIT OFF GUARD.  YOU HAVE TO LOOK HER IN THE EYE THE WHOLE TIME AND IF SHE FLIPS THE BITCH SWITCH OR GETS DEFENSIVE THEN YOU MUST, MUST, MUST GET EVEN CALMER AND NICER AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS.  IF SHE FREAKS OUT, THEN YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER, SHE'S A LAZY PRECEPTOR AND YOU NEED TO SWITCH.  IF SHE'S RECEPTIVE, THEN ITS JUST BEEN A MISCOMMUNICATION.  

A GOOD ORIENTATION IS CRUCIAL. 

 

A GOOD ORIENTATION IS CRUCIAL.  

A GOOD ORIENTATION IS CRUCIAL!!!! :)

Be strong, my friend.  This is your license, your livelihood, your time to learn, own it and don't let a bitchy attitude intimidate you.  If you don't want these nurses to think you're a doormat, let it be known now that you aren't (while remaining professional, friendly, approachable, etc) and if its weird for a day or two afterwards, then so be it.  They will respect you SO MUCH MORE for this in the end than they will if you just keep your mouth shut and get a shitty orientation and then don't know what you're doing when you're on your own......think of what you would tell [Beebs] about all of this and how this example will help her someday when she is in a similar situation.

I'm glad you listening to your gut and recognizing the stuff that needs to be changed! :)

Keep doing your finger-strengthening exercises so that you'll become your unit's most famous, ROCKSTAR cervix-checker! ;)
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Helpful email and I was so glad for this very usable advice, in fact I asked her if it would seem odd for me to print this out and read directly from it when I have the come-to-Jesus talk with my preceptor.
And thanks, K, for making me feel validated in my concerns and for listening patiently and advising me.  I'm so grateful for you guys. 

Now let me find a happy picture or something to post.
I'm doing this sucky turnaround where I left work after 11 tonight and have to get up at 5 am to head back in.  gag me.

I want a house and a dog and I'm sick and sleepy.

My nose feels like I snorted a pixie stick.  I never tried that but it seems like the general consensus was that it burned.  My nose is like..burning inside and my throat feels like I swallowed a few handfuls of those spiky balls that fall off trees around here. 

I have seen more vaginas in the last 2 weeks than ever in my life.  I don't know what weight that's supposed to hold like I'm saying, YOU GUYS...I've seen so many vaginas in the last 2 weeks...more than ever...and YOU KNOW I've seen a LOT of vaginas in my day.  I wasn't really saying that just..  I mean..I definitely know I'm super normal now.  I've seen less than normal and I'm doin' a'ight.  Good to know!!  I'm learning to check cervical dilation and it's hard.   

I took that picture at Beebs' birthday party.  It was such a lovely day.  We were at Shawnee Mission Park and across the way there were some people LARPing.  aha.  When googling that term, Kansas City comes up like first.  So is that just a local thing or that's just what it's called around here??  Anyway, I took some photos but feel like I can't share them?  I mean can I?? 

Tomorrow going to look at more houses.  blah blah. 

For weeks now Beebs has been singing "Yeah yeah..backagain..yeah yeah" and I had no idea what in the hell she was doing.  I know, if you don't have a kid this is like yeah ok whatever lame but you know, she just turned 2 and her talking is just growing and improving and changing and so it's always sort of awesome when it gets easier to communicate with her, like stringing a few words together and whatnot.  Anyway, she sang that along with the radio the other day and I realized she was singing Pearl Jam's "The Fixer."  heh.  She also likes to sing Matisyahu's "One Day."  Fascinating, I know.  She's sweet.  I don't know, you'd like her.  She's generally fun to be around. 

Every afternoon at work I start feeling like shit.  I don't know what that's about?  I don't know if it's just basically dehydration??  Stress?  Every single day I've been taking Excedrin in the afternoon and I hate that.  I shouldn't be doing that. 

Overwhelmed on Labor & Delivery -- stressed -- my preceptor and I don't mesh well personality-wise. 

We got rid of a couple of chairs we had on our porch -- they were chairs this awful person in my mom's life had given her years ago and those chairs were just bad mojo, man.  For some reason I had trouble getting rid of them even though I wanted to and then when Beebs and I went to visit my mom, Roommate got rid of them and I'm so glad!!  It made so much more room on our tiny little back porch and it purged some of that disgusting negative bleh I felt when I looked at them.  He told me that getting rid of those and getting these 2 new plain old folding lawn chairs has greatly improved his quality of life.  He likes to sit out there now.  Sitting is nice.

I'm just worn out three twelve-hour shifts in a row just WEARS me out!!  I know that might make me sound super wimpy but..whew.  Tired.  Much prefer it to working five eight-hour days though!!

Pregnancy is cool, guys. (speaking in general, I'm not pregnant)  I like it.  I like this baby birthin' stuff, I think.

What have you been up to?  Tell me something good to cook.  We've been just eating these rag tag dinners.  Not all bad, for sure.  Last night I ate toast with avocado smashed a bit with lemon and salt.  (thanks, S) Delicious!  Even better that the avocados cost 39 cents!  Thanks, Aldi.

 Ok, shoot.  I'm so tired.  Tomorrow I'm going to sleep in as long as possible with Beebs.  I hope you're having a good week and that Friday is great and you have rest coming in your future.  I'm thinking about vacations (will we ever take one?!!) and sunshine and riding bikes and painting my fingernails blue and planting lavender in my own yard, please?  at some point?  and also chamomile tea and washing my face with sugar like S. told me and drinking that tea or putting it on my face and thinking BRILLIANT!! 

I want to go to whole foods and get some of that john masters blood orange lotion I read @thehils talking about on twitter.

Gah, snot is literally running down my face.  I better go!
Thanks for reading my drivel.  while I dribble.
xo

Babies and placentas and episiotomies, oh my!

I am so tired.
Insanely..weird tired.  I've been sleeping super light, waking up a zillion times, dreaming about people giving birth and waking up for the day long before my alarm goes off.  It was Monday when I started my new job on L&D and I've done my three twelve-hour days and am beat.  Completely overloaded and overwhelmed with information but so excited.  I can't describe how I'm feeling about it.  I'd like to so I can look back and read it at some point and laugh at myself or nod or whatever.  Let me stream of consciousness this bit.

Helping people deliver babies is freaking awesome and it is magical but it's also super stressful and intense and at times precarious and I know that at some point I'll feel much more competent than I do now but holy cow!!  I teared up a little during our first delivery.  That lady also pushed approximately once before her baby slid into the world. 

My preceptor calls a lot of things "stupid" and also refers to herself as a badass and rockstar.  I'll just refer to her as humble.

Checking a cervix for dilation is a lot like being in that 6th grade haunted house and slipping your hand into a bowl of wet noodles in the dark and you had no idea what it was but you knew it felt weird!  Finding the cervix has not been a problem but determining dilation?  No idea what I'm doing. 

People have some seriously interesting name choices.

I am so tired.  I wanted to write more but I just can't.

A friend of mine worked in L&D and before I started she gave me this amazing pep talk and told me these are my people.  I've been looking for my people.  I hope she's right.