House Hiccup

A few days ago we had a house hiccup when they sprung on us we'd need a second appraisal because the home we're purchasing is a flip -- fine but why not tell us a month ago we'd need two appraisals?  When the call came the mortgage man also said oh by the way, it's going to cost over $500 because we have to put a rush on it.  Yeah, no.  Not paying that.  We ended up paying less than half that and I was grumpy about it.  I started having major second thoughts because I didn't know if a second appraisal in a situation like this was standard or were they questioning the selling price of the house? 

I'd freaked out when we had all the rain and the basement got some water in it when the sump pump failed -- the sump pump we had told them weeks prior did not appear to be functioning properly when we  had our inspection.  They hadn't done the repairs requested yet and thus, water, basement, me standing in the middle of the backyard crying.  Through an insane amount of serious soul-searching (seriously) we have made a decision I feel confident in and are closing on our house in 3 days.  It has been an emotional roller-coaster and while I'd like to report I've been level-headed and calm about the entire process there have been angry phone calls and tears on my part.  I decided to chill the fuck out on Friday while sitting in the sun on the patio and when Roommate got home from work I said are we doing this and he said yes.  So we're doing this! 

This picture is the nook in our bedroom, the 2nd floor/converted attic.  We're still totally co-sleeping with Beebs but I think she's getting pretty ready to bid us farewell.  I selfishly want this nook to myself but think it'd be perfect as a transitional place for her to sleep in her own bed but be close as her bedroom is actually downstairs.  That will be easier for me when she is older.  In the lefthand corner of this photo where you can't really see is a window seat/storage area.  It looks like a built in toybox.  When I was a kid I would dream of a bedroom with slanted ceilings.  I actually think this upstairs bedroom would be fun for kids to share someday?  This photo is just a section of it.  Late night giggling, reading by flashlight. 

We've barely packed.  I should go work on that.

Pursuit of happiness.

This summer feels monumental -- or at least like I'm just right there at the edge of something insane but I can't quite get myself to drop off into that pit of glory, the Nestea plunge of life.  Go.  Do.  I finally switched to a unit that I think has the potential to be super fulfilling.  My eyes are more open.  Maybe finally I am learning what's important in life.  I sound hormonal?   

Every time I want to put into words what's in my head here I stop short.  I don't mean to but it's like I can't get it out.  I can't explain.  Teetering.  I tell ya -- right there at the edge. 

Any good summer reading for me??  Summery -- indulgent. 

My friend, K is coming home from China with her baby later this week.  She's going to be here a month and has set aside a day for me.  I'm excited to have my day with her but I can't help feeling this.."Uh..I can hang out with you a little bit one day??" feeling like I'm unimportant.  Ha.  I vow to make friends in our new neighborhood.  I am excited to have a place we feel committed to.  It's easy to fall into that pit where it feels like everybody else has all these plans with all their friends and I see lake plans and weekend cabins together and summer dinners on their patios and wish we got invited sometimes.  ALTHOUGH I will openly admit I can't recall inviting anyone else to do any of those things either.  SO there ya go. 

S a t u r d a y - hot

Lazy day today.  This morning my mom came, stopping on her drive down to my Grandma's.  We went to the hardware store with Beebs and she painted a bird feeder for her pops for Father's Day.  It was free.  She loved it.  It's green and blue and yellow and red. 

I've been thinking about Colorado a lot lately.  Maybe we could go there in the fall.  I asked for a couple days vacation at work but they were both denied so the earliest I might be able to ask off is..October?  So much for a summer vacation.  heh.  Oh well.  We're going to be paying both rent here and mortgage there in August so them's the breaks. 

Beebs is presently diapering her stuffed cat.  She tells him to lay down.  She says, "There.  How's that?"  She's wearing a sun hat from when she was a baby..more a baby.   

I should go to my dad's grave.  I avoid it since his bitchwad lady leaves the ugliest shit there and then I have to think about her and then I'm drowning in my hatred for her, the most evil person I've ever known.  I've contemplated on numerous occasions just throwing all her stuff away but..couldn't bring myself to do it.  Why?  Her picture is forever on his headstone.  Ugh.  But it's Father's Day weekend and maybe I will go? 

Oh yeah -- Colorado.  It'd be nice to go when it's not real hot and cool enough at night to have a fire.  Hike some, have a cabin. 

I kind of want a yard gnome in our new yard.  Would that be just too..  you know..  or?  Regardless.  Want.

Last night we watched "Mary and Max" -- definitely recommend it!! 

Sunny Friday

I have to really eat up these weekends off because when I'm on my own work template I'll be working weekends.  My preceptor, lucky dog, does not work weekends. 

I woke up famished this morning.  I had a glass of iced tea and a brown rice cake with peanut butter on it.  We've been eating peanut butter like every day lately.

Today I'm using some of your tips to do some weekend grocery shopping.  I'm definitely grabbing some peas so I can make crushed peas with smoky sesame dressing.  I have everything but the peas and some pita bread.  Trade Routes bakery down the street has the best pita bread and some other amazing soft flatbread I'm in love with.  This bread, guys -- it's like a soft little pillow.  The last package I bought was still warm.  They're carrying a bit more produce here now and I got the best olive oil there.  Mmmm..  I'm always sad I don't own a hookah when I go there.  heh.  If you're local, go there.  I think the storefront says Pak Halal.  You can eat lunch next door at Holy Land Cafe.  Yum.

I'm off to do some list-making now.  xoxo 

Hey, good lookin'.

Our grocery shopping has been so scattered and absurd lately.  Sometimes it's at midnight after I get off work and I'm tired and hungry (bad shopping time!  I mean, I love an empty store but body wise..) or sometimes it's when we're desperate and out of everything.  Either way, I'm looking for a bit of menu planning/weekly meal planning advice.  I'd like something a little bit different than some article I might find on the cover of Good Housekeeping.  What are your strategies?  What light summery meals/snacks do you enjoy?  What do you eat during the day?  What are you packing in your lunch for work?  Favorite smoothie recipe?  Easy salads?  I just bought some packets of frozen acai to make some popsicles with yogurt.  "Acai Power Popsicles" from Heidi Swanson's Supernatural Cooking.  Was looking for the recipe online and just saw this.  Um..holy delicious.  Blackberry Limeades!  Yum.  I love the line in that post "slow simmer of twilight." 

Love to hear your thoughts and ideas. 

Little Bus.

This is Roommate's old toy bus.  It's little and cute and metal.  I love it.  We came across it while packing and Beebs has been playing with it.  This is an awful photo -- you can't see how small it is and kid fingers got it all sticky and there's a piece of schmutz on the side but..all the same!  Little Bus!  

Green Goat Etsy Shop

A friend brought this shop to my attention and I'm totally in love.  I ordered a dress that is the same as this custom order (srsly, that wasn't my custom order).  I'm also getting either a toddler T or a onesie for an expecting friend.  I'm in love with the goats, horses, owl and deer.  And..pretty much everything else too!!  I told her I've become a total groupie.  Just thought you should get to see her adorable stuff and she's from St. Joe! 

On laborin'

We have spent a good portion of the weekend trying to stay awake and at times -- failing.  Today I dozed off after my family woke up from their nap and it was fitful because I kept half waking up scolding myself for falling asleep and then passing out again.  Oops?  Kind of.

My friend, the one that gives awesome advice, assures me this is completely normal but I am terrified of being off orientation on my new unit.  On my old unit it was usually easy to step out of a patient's room or something and go ask for some other opinions.  This is a different situation - there's a different sort of time crunch because um..lady be deliverin' a baby!  It's also different because we work so closely with the docs and between the docs, the patients, their families, etc. -- it feels like you're under a lot of scrutiny.  I don't want to suck!  Things that are presently stressing me the most include, interpreting fetal heart tones, moving quickly and getting everything ready and done during and immediately after a delivery, charting fetal heart tones and contractions, charting the events of labor or a c-section.  Don't even get me started on the operating room.  I'm slightly less than clueless.  Things move so quickly.  Time management in general.  I can get in a pretty good rhythm staying on top of things and then once she delivers it's like oh crap, I'm almost out of time and have 8 million things left to do.  There have been so many deliveries where it's not until I'm wheelin' mama over to mother/baby do I actually see the baby for the first time.  Like oh, there he is. 

This job makes me constantly analyze things about myself on a grander scale.  I come home and try to understand why I'm so self conscious or have such a hard time being confident or at least conveying that in a convincing way.  I question whether I'm going to be able to grasp this job and do well or am I too slow?  Am I too unorganized?  I'm no Type A, lemme tell ya.  I scrutinize everyone around me to try to understand what they're like and what about their personality works well in Labor & Delivery.  It's a serious learning experience and I'm having trouble explaining how it's affecting me.  It consumes me.  I dream about it.  When I'm getting ready for work I'm giving myself a pep talk the whole time.  I'm a huge dork.  I send panicked texts from the work bathroom.  Little SOS pings out into the universe asking if I'm going to suck forever.  Is it a major flaw if I require a lot of um...feedback?  

I do know..somewhere inside that it will get better.  I've learned so much but orientation is half over!  Gah!  I had worked on my old until a little over 2 1/2 years and had settled in.  I knew what to expect, was fairly proficient at my job, knew where things were, what the docs preferred, knew where I could um..skimp.  It's hard feeling new and out of sorts.  I've probably typed that here 100 times but..  the fact remains.  

friday morning reprieve.

Hungry like a wolf this morning.  Made pan fried potatoes with a few onions and smoked paprika for breakfast.  While the potatoes were cooking I stirred together Edna Lewis' Busy Day Cake.  I think for dinner the 3 of us are making homemade pizza.  Roommate indicated that sounded good last night and I do not disagree.

The laptop died while I was typing this and now I don't feel like finishing.

Oh and speaking of wolves -- we have wolf spiders here in our apt like nobody's business.  Ick.  They're in the bathtub like every morning.  Ew.

fatigue.

The days are flying by me.  It's June?  What the hell?  It's hot?  What the hell?  My baby is a toddler?  Slow all of this down!!  I'm halfway through orientation on my new unit and that has flown by.  I go to work and feel like I'm about to throw up every time.  I get so nervous.  I'm terrified of doing it on my own soon.  It's not like suddenly everyone else at work disappears, of course I'll have resources but the responsibility will be mine and I'm not ready! 

I've been feeling that crazy tired the past few days.  It's that tired that comes when you're pregnant (I'm not pregnant) but..it's that feeling you can't explain and you just feel so. drained.  I think a lot of that is just mental stress, figuring out home loan, homeowner's insurance rates, changing car insurance too, finances, etc.  I get that about to throw-up feeling every time I sign another piece of paper.  This post wasn't intended to focus on nausea.

I love seeing all sorts of insane family dynamics at work.  Birth of a babe, lotsa family around -- brings out interesting stuff.  I'm learning to love starting IV's instead of my usual anxiety -- the same anxiety I've felt since I started nursing school.  I love the actual act of starting an IV - needle, vein, blood.  I love that part but people get nervous and I get nervous that I'm going to fail (hurt them/blow the vein/miss/etc.).  Women come in to go through childbirth and say that they've dreaded the IV the most.  Eek.

Tomorrow's day one of three twelves in a row.  I didn't know how to type that in #'s so words it is.  Wednesday to Thursday is a short turnaround but I did it to myself.  Work until at least 11 pm or so, back in at 6:45 the next morn.  But then I get 3 days off!!  eh.  It'll go by quickly. 

Estimated closing date on our house is June 15.
I've been eating ice cream as often as possible.  Tonight the 3 of us shared a pint.  Eep.  It was chocolate.  and good.  What's that I was saying about going off dairy?  um.. 

Anyway -- hope the start of your week was good.  I should start packing soon.  We moved into this place June 8th of last year.  Gah.  I am SO tired of moving.  So happy to be moving into a place that's permanent -- err at least long term.  

Beebs' self portrait.