Title to this post much more enthusiastic than the actual post itself. Today I read a tweet from one of my favorites (Robina). She is this mama that I totally admire and she was commenting on mom blogs being at 2 ends of the spectrum like la la la everything is wonderful and then meh snark. I'm not sure where I fall on that spectrum but I am very aware of my awareness of that spectrum and the fact that there is indeed a place to fall and that varying places have differing levels of...preference. Ya'know? I just don't even know what this place is to me anymore and I contemplate getting rid of it altogether or maybe just "archiving" it. It remains a place where I've written about a lot of pain and here I am, still writing about it (it's comin'! don't you worry!) and sometimes I need a clean slate. I've probably maybe said that before.
Today's pain: The past few weeks I have worked extra at my job and boy howdy am I tired. I'll keep the job ramblings to a minimum. This is more about what I have allowed The Tired to do to me. I was so relieved to have a day off today and of course my plans for the day were all over the place - from relaxing and playing to being super productive pre-Thanksgiving prepping. At one point..I was really harsh with Beebs. Moments later I could perfectly map the trickle down of my frustration and none of it was her fault but she received all the ugliness from me. I saw her little face crumple and her feelings were so hurt. I reigned myself in and told her how sorry I was. I felt awful. Later in the day she was talking to herself a bit and I heard my words echoed back to me. Heart. Broken. I apologized again and she thought for a minute and said, "I was sad." I'm sure that whole mess was handled poorly.
Anyway, our day was kind of a wreck because of me. I think I ruined Roommate's evening as well. That combined with his own tiredness meant he crashed out with Beebs hours ago. I'm going to do better tomorrow. See what I mean about that spectrum and falling on it? Bit blue perhaps.
