12.31.2010
End of year.
Do not have the energy to do a big fat round-up though I do sort of love those kind of posts. The only thing I have to say is I am in complete awe of my daughter, my Beebs. I don't know if it's because I was gone away from her in the hospital which I have never done before or what but she has changed. She is quite suddenly older and she says poignant things which leave my mouth sort of hanging agape. She puts things together in a way that makes perfect sense, she can draw a face, she shows compassion for others that are hurting or sad, she worries, she tries to help others feel happy, she has a wild, crazy imagination! I'm blown away by her and so in love with her. I had no idea this age would be so super awesome, that I'd laugh with her so much and we'd whisper stories in the dark. I love you, Beebs!
12.28.2010
Post-Holiday
Holy crap. I miss this place space whatever.
Twilight Zone Time Line
Dec 13, planning for surgery, work my normal shift - feel guilty at how much I'm looking forward to a little bit of time off post-op, including Christmas day, my scheduled day to work. Mention at work I'm feeling a bit of impending doom and am chastized for being absurd/dramatic. Reassured at the minorness of my surgery.
Dec 14, go in to have laparoscopic cholecystectomy (gallbladder removed), am relieved that an anesthesiologist I like and trust is there, wake up a bit disoriented and hurting hurting, take oral pain medicine, the nurse spoon feeds me some applesauce at warp speed and within the hour we are at home.
Dec 15, doin' fine - hurting where my incisions are, spending a bit of time with Mom here to help out some.
Dec 16, still mostly ok, do some Christmas decorating here, spend a lot of time on the couch with a heating pad on my back
Dec 17, feeling pretty not ok, very nauseated, cannot eat - have stopped taking pain medicine thinking it's causing this relentless nausea, call doc's office to let them know about the nausea and how miserable I am and the nurse responds, "Well you don't sound miserable!" Nurse calls in a script for 6 phenergan suppositories. I alternate puking and putting in suppositories over the next 12 hrs or so, wait until 7 on Sat morn, Dec 18, to wake up the on call doc - a doc I cannot stand - he advises I go ahead into the ER. Am overwhelmed by the thought of trying to put clothes on and ride in the car. We wake up Beebs, bundle her and head to the ER. CT Scan shows not a lot, pseudocyst on my pancreas. Nausea meds take the edge off my puking, Toradol, anti-inflammatory takes the edge off my pain. I am scolded by the doc I cannot stand when I insist I am not staying overnight.
The next 7 days I alternate between crazy out of control pain, feeling better, unable to eat, feeling better. I have pancreatitis. It sucks balls and every day I think I'll get to go home and every day they remind me I'm sick. Just irritated myself by writing this post but I think I want to just..kind of tuck it away in my memory. It was a long week in the hospital and I cried and cried over missing Beebs. I had never, ever been away from her like that and it absolutely killed me!! It also reminded me of all the crap we do to patients that genuinely hurts! Every morning between 4:30 and 5:30 someone from lab would throw open my door, flip on the overhead fluorescent light and then stick me 2 or 3 times to draw my morning labs. Every morning I'd politely tell them my left arm was really, really sore where they'd been sticking me every day and they'd go ahead and stick a couple more times. The LAST day I said no, do not stick me there! I stopped my IV fluids and he drew out of my right arm. Listen, I work with you every day, jackwad, stop being a dumbass and listen to me.
So I got to come home on Christmas day because my Lipase finally started coming down (hurrah!). This week I go have more labs drawn and follow-up with my surgeon. I can honestly say I feel better though I'm still terrified to eat real food. It's been all liquids and then I've slowly started adding some soft bland stuff.
Beebs seems to have grown so much while I was gone. She says the craziest stuff. I've just wanted to love her up all the time since I got home. At random she will run and hug me and say "Mama! I'm so glad to see you!" or "You came back!" I sure did, babylove.
Roommate got me a rice cooker. I got him a 4 slice toaster. Ahahaahahaaa!!!
I am obsessively reading Room as fast as possible. I started yesterday and am nearly finished. After this I'm reading Great House. I am just about finished with Midwives too. I sort of paused to start Room. I don't know how to properly write anything anymore. Are you supposed to underline book titles in a blog post? It sort of looks absurd.
I am never on the computer anymore since I have a phone that allows me internet access. I really miss reading blogs. I've just been too..whatever to sort of store them in an easy to access way in my phone or something?? I don't know. I sound 80, anyway. With that, I never write on this one either for the same reason. Right now I'm off to snug in with my Beebs and read a bit.
I don't ever want to go back to work. I feel too tired for it. I plan to go to my mom's for a visit this week and see my childhood friend that is in town from China. She has a son a year younger than Beebs. She'll love it. Mom's making us soup, I think.
Hope your holidays and whatnot were warm and really, really nice. I'm mentally composing a list of all the food I'm going to eat when I am normal again. And ya'know, looking back, last year, my whole little family was sick as hell at Christmas and then we got snowed in. I remember we wrapped some presents in the evening on Christmas day and then moments later opened them. It felt that way this year..all disjointed. And while I'm just so thankful I was home Christmas day and family came, next year I'd truly like to be prepared a bit for Christmas. I won't schedule surgery 11 days before Christmas next year for one.
Happy everything. Stay warm.
Twilight Zone Time Line
Dec 13, planning for surgery, work my normal shift - feel guilty at how much I'm looking forward to a little bit of time off post-op, including Christmas day, my scheduled day to work. Mention at work I'm feeling a bit of impending doom and am chastized for being absurd/dramatic. Reassured at the minorness of my surgery.
Dec 14, go in to have laparoscopic cholecystectomy (gallbladder removed), am relieved that an anesthesiologist I like and trust is there, wake up a bit disoriented and hurting hurting, take oral pain medicine, the nurse spoon feeds me some applesauce at warp speed and within the hour we are at home.
Dec 15, doin' fine - hurting where my incisions are, spending a bit of time with Mom here to help out some.
Dec 16, still mostly ok, do some Christmas decorating here, spend a lot of time on the couch with a heating pad on my back
Dec 17, feeling pretty not ok, very nauseated, cannot eat - have stopped taking pain medicine thinking it's causing this relentless nausea, call doc's office to let them know about the nausea and how miserable I am and the nurse responds, "Well you don't sound miserable!" Nurse calls in a script for 6 phenergan suppositories. I alternate puking and putting in suppositories over the next 12 hrs or so, wait until 7 on Sat morn, Dec 18, to wake up the on call doc - a doc I cannot stand - he advises I go ahead into the ER. Am overwhelmed by the thought of trying to put clothes on and ride in the car. We wake up Beebs, bundle her and head to the ER. CT Scan shows not a lot, pseudocyst on my pancreas. Nausea meds take the edge off my puking, Toradol, anti-inflammatory takes the edge off my pain. I am scolded by the doc I cannot stand when I insist I am not staying overnight.
The next 7 days I alternate between crazy out of control pain, feeling better, unable to eat, feeling better. I have pancreatitis. It sucks balls and every day I think I'll get to go home and every day they remind me I'm sick. Just irritated myself by writing this post but I think I want to just..kind of tuck it away in my memory. It was a long week in the hospital and I cried and cried over missing Beebs. I had never, ever been away from her like that and it absolutely killed me!! It also reminded me of all the crap we do to patients that genuinely hurts! Every morning between 4:30 and 5:30 someone from lab would throw open my door, flip on the overhead fluorescent light and then stick me 2 or 3 times to draw my morning labs. Every morning I'd politely tell them my left arm was really, really sore where they'd been sticking me every day and they'd go ahead and stick a couple more times. The LAST day I said no, do not stick me there! I stopped my IV fluids and he drew out of my right arm. Listen, I work with you every day, jackwad, stop being a dumbass and listen to me.
So I got to come home on Christmas day because my Lipase finally started coming down (hurrah!). This week I go have more labs drawn and follow-up with my surgeon. I can honestly say I feel better though I'm still terrified to eat real food. It's been all liquids and then I've slowly started adding some soft bland stuff.
Beebs seems to have grown so much while I was gone. She says the craziest stuff. I've just wanted to love her up all the time since I got home. At random she will run and hug me and say "Mama! I'm so glad to see you!" or "You came back!" I sure did, babylove.
Roommate got me a rice cooker. I got him a 4 slice toaster. Ahahaahahaaa!!!
I am obsessively reading Room as fast as possible. I started yesterday and am nearly finished. After this I'm reading Great House. I am just about finished with Midwives too. I sort of paused to start Room. I don't know how to properly write anything anymore. Are you supposed to underline book titles in a blog post? It sort of looks absurd.
I am never on the computer anymore since I have a phone that allows me internet access. I really miss reading blogs. I've just been too..whatever to sort of store them in an easy to access way in my phone or something?? I don't know. I sound 80, anyway. With that, I never write on this one either for the same reason. Right now I'm off to snug in with my Beebs and read a bit.
I don't ever want to go back to work. I feel too tired for it. I plan to go to my mom's for a visit this week and see my childhood friend that is in town from China. She has a son a year younger than Beebs. She'll love it. Mom's making us soup, I think.
Hope your holidays and whatnot were warm and really, really nice. I'm mentally composing a list of all the food I'm going to eat when I am normal again. And ya'know, looking back, last year, my whole little family was sick as hell at Christmas and then we got snowed in. I remember we wrapped some presents in the evening on Christmas day and then moments later opened them. It felt that way this year..all disjointed. And while I'm just so thankful I was home Christmas day and family came, next year I'd truly like to be prepared a bit for Christmas. I won't schedule surgery 11 days before Christmas next year for one.
Happy everything. Stay warm.
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