Oh hey, good morning. I had to get up and purge my brain a little. One minute I was putting a very sleepy Beebs to bed while it was still a little bit daylight outside. She wondered why she was going to bed when it wasn't even nighttime. The next minute I wake up, pretzeled in her bed next to her. I stumbled into our bed and promptly crashed out again. Roommate and I both woke up a bit confused about when we went to bed and what time is it anyway? 12:54. He looked at the clock and we both nestled down to sleep again only now it's 2:53 and I'm still awake. I tried thinking about happy things to fall back asleep to. Sometimes happy things are fields and flowers and gardens and sometimes they're sexy. Either way, none of that worked and then I slipped into that place where I'm thinking about my work day tomorrow and the shots I'll give and the vaccine questions I have and then I remember I wanted to read an article @thehils posted. Damn you, Twitter. I'm going to one day be composing real paper/ink letters with "@mydearuncle." So anyway, down the rabbit hole I went and before long I had picked up my phone and googled something I've been feeling the past couple days and in a matter of seconds I'm reading a message board where at least 50 people have written posts about when they felt that exact emotion I'd googled. Have you ever done that? It's both comforting and strange. Like maybe sometimes we instead need to sit alone with that emotion. It wasn't exactly commiserating but kind of? It was more relational but less so since most of those posts were from 2006 so I couldn't actively chime in but..still. We're not alone. but sometimes we need to be.

Now I'm downstairs on the couch. I opened the front door to let in that breeze from the south. It's pushing around the windchimes on the front porch. There are some rusty bells and wooden "chimes" that sound super comforting right now. I bought the wooden ones shortly after Roommate and I moved into our first little house together, a little bungalow we rented in North Kansas City. It was a sweet little place. We had just our driveway and small strips of grass on either side separating us from our neighbors and sometimes I'd be sitting at my desk in the corner of our living room next to a window and I could see/hear/smell our neighbors in their kitchen cooking. Their dog would peek out of that window while they shuffled about and it would all make me smile.

Spring is lovely and the lift it has given my spirits is palpable. You know, quitting my job at the hospital has also helped that. heh. I seriously don't think I can ever work 12 hour days again.  I'm still terrified of paying for COBRA and I'm not EVEN going to let my mind go there or I may seriously never rest again before work later this morning.

Here's something soothing. I was reading Aura joon while still upstairs in bed and found this quote in her most recent post. I love it! 

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

That reminds me, we have a Roald Dahl book upstairs I bought for Beebs while she was even smaller. It's Matilda and I'm dying to read it to her. Right now I can only get a few lines in and she's somewhat bored. The first lines of the book make me laugh every time. "It's a funny thing about mothers and fathers. Even when their own child is the most disgusting little blister you could ever imagine, they still think he or she is wonderful."

I'm glad I got up and came down to put some blah blah here. It helps me not slosh it all around while I'm trying to close my eyes. I think now I can relish the sound of these windchimes and rest a little before work this morning.