I don't mind stealin' bread..

Watching PBS Arts from Seattle, Mother Love Bone, little baby Eddie Vedder, boys in basements in 1990, Temple of the Dog, sweaty hair flipping around, Pearl Jam. I wish Roommate was awake watching this with me but he's asleep in flannel sheets.

We won't talk about the obvious holyshitchristmasiscoming. Eddie Vedder will now always make me think of birthin' my baby because I was listening to the Into the Wild soundtrack. I really wanted to tap into something that felt big and powerful and primal. I read the book when I was in college after a boy I found fascinating told me I should and I loved it. He gave me a copy of Everett Ruess after that. Anyway, music. Whew. So happy we have it swirling around our little house all the time. Lately I simply can't stop listening to Gillian Welch. The days I don't work, usually late in the afternoon I put on Gillian Welch and turn on the stove and Beebs dances around the kitchen while I cook or draws where I can see her there. I love her in that place.

A friend of mine got dreads earlier this year and they're lovely on her. I think they wouldn't be lovely on me but I sure have been trying to imagine myself with them and learn the logistics of dreads.

Dancin' around in a place in my head where I'm amazingly happy - feeling poor financially but so thrilled to no longer work at the hospital, so so happy and relieved.

Geez, man, I'm totally raiding Roommate's CDs tomorrow to hit up some 90's good stuff.

But yeah, flirting with some depression is what I was going to say. It's hard to determine where exactly that's coming from. I'll brainstorm some ideas. Christmas overwhelm? Bored with my job? I had a moment in Beebs' bed tonight where I started imagining what it might feel like to have That Moment where you realize you're doing what you're meant to do. I felt high and dizzy for a second imagining how insane to realize it. to say yes. This. THIS!
I'm sure I've written some version of that 7 gamillion times on this blog but have you felt that? I thought I felt that about nursing but I think I felt like I was supposed to feel that and oh the FEEELINGS.

I love watching musicians.
Well we skimmed the surface together. It's nearly 3 am, Monday morning.
Flannel. Sheets.