Hippie Bliss Crap.

Gosh, guys. When I start to feel happier..what I feel is genuine Happiness, I get surreal thoughts in my head like uh..are there people feeling This on a regular basis? Because um, this is weird! and wonderful! Once again, I cannot even begin to tell you how much relief I feel to be moving on from the hospital. The office I'll be working in is super busy but I don't mind busy. I don't mind work. I mind the constant feeling that the sky is falling and I'm completely failing at keeping it up. I kind of want my work to be a sidenote in my life, not my life. I just need it to add some fundage and not suck.

With that said, my brain is usually dominated with work stuff or work dread. By ushering those things out for awhile, I have had so much more room to draw up plans for a happier, hippier life! Have you ever looked at a Lehman's catalog? My mom has gotten them as long as I can remember. They were initially aimed at the Amish community, I believe. It's a non-electric catalog. You should check it out 'cause it has some GREAT stuff. Would you like a composting toilet? ha. (Have I told you how I used to daydream about becoming Amish and that pretty much fueled my desire to learn German).  ha. I was looking in it today to see how much those wooden drying racks are. My mom used to have one but it's gone. She also recommended an umbrella clothesline for our small yard but I'm not use, maybe a retractable clothesline? I'm getting all stoked up to someday dry cloth diapers in the sun. happy.

Can anyone out there comment on this for me? Signing up for insurance with Roommate's company and there is a 24 month waiting period on maternity coverage?! This seems insane to me? insane and super sucky?

I started a sourdough mother yesterday. This morning I fed it flour and water. Pretty awesome. I'm hoping it doesn't turn out super sour. I don't dislike sourdough by any means but when it's crazy strong, yow.

Hoping I can get my face clearer after the job switch. You would not how believe how hot and sweaty I get at work when I'm at work running around like a crazy person! It's gross and my forehead has gotten so icky with zits.

Just saw that Arcade Fire is playing with The National at Starlight April 20? Saw it listed but can't find anything on ticketmaster about it. I must attend this concert. Selby went with us to see Arcade Fire at Starlight while in utero. It was so fun!

Lighter.

February 14 I put in my 2 weeks notice at work. Happy Valentine's Day to me! It didn't at all happen as I had planned (does it ever?). I officially gave notice at the end of the day after being presented with a few different options and then being told I couldn't actually do some of those options. I didn't have a chance to talk to my co-workers but the following day my director announced that I was leaving and the text messages/emails/etc. starting rolling in with a mighty "WTF?" I had really wanted to tell my co-workers myself but..whatever. It's done now. I have 4 shifts left, 50 hrs or so of work. I'm sad and also very, very relieved.


I'm going to be working in a pediatrician's office and I'm orienting to become a substitute school nurse in the district we live in. I'm excited! I am so excited. We're going to be playing the budget game some but I truly believe this is going to be such a healthy move for our family. I cannot even believe the relief I felt in putting in my notice.



This fresh air smells amazing. So happy to have the windows open this morning. I will relish this day of 70 degree weather to the maxx.

Old stuff

I occasionally peek back at the "preserved" archives to find out what I was doing in ____ of ____. This particular entry is from Feb 9, 2005. It made me laugh.

Also, it's weird I've had this space here for almost 7 years now.

And to note, in Feb of 2005 I was also job interviewing. I wonder if the winter months and the way they gray one's mental well-being at times push me in that way so that by February I'm ready for change, for Spring, for New. This year I'm interviewing (so far and different from the interviewing I was doing then) and having throw pillows re-covered (recovered!) with fresh fabric.

I know I still complain and am constantly in search of a job that works but reading my words from then and my words from now..so glad I'm different even if it's subtle (and internal). I am amazed at the beauty and fullness having Beebs gives my life. Amidst whatever else that is happening or not happening she is a constant. She is my ever-present companion and opens my eyes all the time. I'm so grateful for that. I'm not suggesting one should consider having a baby just for that companion factor 'cause mine's only 2 and someday she will certainly dread being my companion but she enriches my life so much and I am constantly hoping that what I'm doing is enriching hers.

Realization.

I just caught myself adding and re-adding approximately how much I'd be making at this new job. Roommate and I are essentially going to switch spots and he's going to go full-time while I go part-time. Financially we will almost break even but I think make slightly less. This is ok. However, I have sort of this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and it's a little bit of guilt and also the realization that I feel like I'll be losing some of my freedom? I think that is because right now, working full-time, I provide benefits for our family and am like..the "breadwinner." This makes me feel pretty free to buy something if we want/need it. I was thinking of something I wanted to get today and I thought, oh..better get that while I still have my job. I'm feeling scared I'll no longer have that freedom, that now maybe purchases and such will need to be "justified." This is all sounding a bit stupid/first worldy.

One step closer!

Good morning! Today is an exciting day because I have a job interview! And it's not in a hospital!! (see, I did a double ! on that one!) When calling to set up the interview the lady said if I was really interested in the job why didn't I just stick around awhile after the interview to shadow and see how the place works. Wonderful! I'm not even nervous because I just feel like if this is a good place for me it won't be a totally awkward struggle through the interview. That might be total BS because job interviews often suck but...I'm just gonna see what happens. The last interview I had was just awful. The person interviewing me was just disorganized and unfocused and seemed to not know what to ask me? So much fumbling. gah. I am having trouble deciding what to wear because I have zero clothes that are professional. I own one pair of black dress pants that I've had forever. I think I'll wear some yellow today and be all sunshiney. heh.

The prospect of leaving my job at the hospital has got me feeling super hopeful. I just think it would help give me the time and increased happiness to cultivate other areas of my life that I have let wither while being in blah mode at my job all the time. I know that sounds pretty la la la but I let myself be so consumed with job stress right now. I sound pretty hippy dippy lala but I'm ok with less money and less hours at my job if it means I get to hang out with my kid more, plant a garden, etc.

We spent our morning making some homemade valentines. Now we're going to head to the library before my interview this afternoon.

Hey, can someone whip up a batch of Smitten's Olive Oil cake w/ blood oranges and these Whole wheat choc chip skillet cookies for me?

Stay warm, temps in the 50's are coming!