Spent yesterday and today at my mom's. It was a good time. Beebs swam in a stock tank, ran around the yard naked much of the time, pulled grass for the chickens and collected eggs. We grilled pizza and it was so good! Late this morning my friend expecting triplets came to visit with her 1 yr old. (!!!) She's the one that's been living in China with her husband and son as missionaries. They live in Oklahoma. I was asking on Twitter what kind of gift I could get her now, during her pregnancy. They said with triplets she'll probably go to about 32 weeks so that makes her halfway through. I just wanted to get her something for her to feel good, relax. Most people recommended a pedicure or massage. I'm not sure she'd be into either? She's kind of a touch-me-not maybe? I just am not sure she'd enjoy them..I do not know. Since she lives in Oklahoma it sort of determines what sort of gift I might get. I'll get some things for the babies but..something for her..now.. I was looking at pillows, belly balms, mama-to-be type gift sets with tea, body wash, belly creams, etc. So, imagine you're pregnant with triplets and you've just moved back to the states from China. You've LOVE to receive....

Anyway, our kids played together then we went for lunch and talked awhile. Now I'm home and happy to be here. I was only gone like, a little more than 24 hrs and it felt so good to settle in Beebs, clean up the kitchen, start some laundry, etc.

I have tea steeping on the counter. There's something about herbs, teas, supplements, vitamins that is just amazing to me. I mean that sounds like..duh but I love them. They feel charming and..romantic? They lift me up, make me feel like I'm earthier, working to be healthier. Is there anything you use and like? What's it for?

tea.

Memorial Day.

Yesterday our family came over and spent the day. Our house has become sort of the meetin' place and I like it. Today we're going out to my mom's. I plan on sitting in the sun and drinking iced tea all day. That's pretty much what I did yesterday. ha. Sittin' around, watchin' kids play, drinkin' peach tea.

I would really like to go by my dad's grave today on my way to mom's. It's pretty out of the way but it's been a bit since I've been there. Last time we were there Beebs was with us and while I paced around, still raging that when I go there I have to see a picture of my dad and the psycho crazy he was with when he died. There she sits, forever staring at me from his f^#$!%* headstone. My mom went out a bit ago and said it didn't look like anyone had been in awhile. If psycho crazy is done adorning his grave with crap I can maintain it how I choose. I try to think about what my dad would want, obviously and I'm not sure. When he was dying and choosing a plot he said he wanted to be near a tree but not directly under it so birds could poop on him. I think he'd be like, eh, don't come here and cry but maybe don't let the place look like shit, eh? SO that's my plan.

Has anyone ever used the title "Monday Musings?" oh? 3 million times? ok.

Do people enjoy reading good news less than bad news?
I cannot believe the tornado damage in Joplin. Tornadoes are just insane. I was thinking this morning while switching laundry (and suddenly feeling very lucky to be doing so!) like, once your house is leveled, where do you begin to recover? How do you get things cleaned up? Where do you stay? How do you rebuild? How does insurance work to help in that situation? How in the hell do you contact all those places you'd need in order to start moving forward when you've got no place to do so? I thought about whether I could go down there since I'm a nurse? Not that I have something amazing to offer other than being like, able but I couldn't miss my other job. I can't call in there, I have to find people to cover my shift for me so I just don't think I'd be able to? That sounds lame when I'm typing it out.

I have been faithfully drinking a press of the roasterie's dark mojo every morning and I'm feeling..kind of guilty about it? It tastes so delicious! It describes itself as starting off tasting like tea then getting more complex and I agree. At first you're like, hrm, this is actually kind of light and..ooohhhh....yum! But I've been feeling guilty about the caffeine? Should I quit coffee? It tastes so great. sigh.

I weighed myself at work and have GAINED weight. I was feeling so..heavy that day. Inside and out. I just felt so withdrawn and like everywhere I went I was taking up more than my allotted space. Like trying to hide and having nowhere to pull myself into, I was just..out there. Taking up space!

We're going to the library in a bit so we can return a couple things we've had forever that I just keep renewing because we haven't been in to browse in awhile. I have a Tana French book that was on hold that's ready to pick up.

Yesterday I finally got some more plants in the ground! My garden is..messy and small.
Here's what it contains now:

• garlic
• onions
• yukon gold potatoes
• pole beans
• tomatoes
• yellow bell peppers
• sweet peas (in the backyard)
• radishes
• big pot of varied leaf lettuce and arugula
• lemon cucumbers
• orient express cucumbers

I didn't plant a huge amount of any one thing because I didn't want to be totally overwhelmed. I've discovered I'm somewhat lazy at gardening though I love it, find it super charming and totally envy all the awesome gardening my mom has done her whole life/my whole life. She always manages to create yum things, store up a ton for winter by canning/freezing/preserving. I'm not ready to go there yet and I hesitate to talk about my meager gardening because people do amazing things and I'm just..dabbling but..there ya go! Roommate's mom never gardened I don't think so he has been pretty amazed when I'm like look, here's a radish we grew. haha. There were a few more things I intended to plant (like carrots) but didn't get it done. My mom had a packet of heirloom round carrots (not sure what they're called?) but lost it so wah wah.

Rainy Thursday feels just right.

Seems like..probably..I'd maybe complain about the rain today but it feels good. I'm in mismatched clothes and an old sweater I dug out of a box. It's green, bulky knit, zips down the front. I washed it all up. I'm a super dork so I spent a small portion of the morning changing the blizzog. Do people even look at blogs or just read via readers? I know I've asked that before. I love looking at people's blogs.

Anyway, Beebs feel asleep super early last night. I was scared about what that might mean for night sleep. She woke up at 4:00 when it was storming and came to bed with us. She covered her ears with her hands when it thundered. Our window was open just a bit and I have to say, those next couple hours were hazy happiness. It was gray and dark, storming, pouring down rain. The 3 of us were all nestled in. We'd talk a little bit then we all dozed off awhile then at 6:00 we all got up. I made coffee, Roommate got ready for work, Beebs and I played. After Roommate left we baked oatmeal cookies and while they were still warm we packed some up and went next door to deliver. Beebs is totally in love with umbrellas right now so she was very excited that the rain was falling on her umbrella! I am simultaneously gagging and laughing at how sweet and warm our morning has been.

I'm reading Bossypants and the 100 Thing Challenge and perusing Mary Jane's ideabook. I'd like some book recommendations. I don't even know what my book taste is? I love books but haven't read much lately? I read Midwives, Room, Edgar Sawtelle (love!), portions of vampire books, started a cpl other random things. I've just sort of been dabbling in books about making life good and cooking food.

I really am having trouble with having commitments every weekend. We've had one since Easter and it's so strange for us. We are total home bodies so it's weird to have to be somewhere. The socializing has been fun, albeit tiring! ha. We also saw a lot of family like, multiple weekends in a row when usually we see them a couple times a year.

My sister in law graduated from vet school at Mizzou. Very proud of her. She worked really hard. Part-way through school she had a brain aneurysm that was crazy scary but..she did it! I'm sad for her as apparently vets don't make much at all starting out so that has felt pretty discouraging when she worked so hard to graduate as a doctor.

I still have some things to plant in our messy little rag tag garden. It's full of weeds and roots from the pine tree across our driveway but I'm going to consider anything we get a success. The process is fun, Beebs loves it. We're enjoying learning. I have to delve into some of these things rather superficially (I'm not sure that's the word I mean) -- it's just that if I get all perfectionist/read about too many other people's stuff then I'm like gah, I suck! I don't really know what I'm doing and that's ok. heh. for now.

We are just, kind of lazy around here lately. I don't know what to cook. On my days off work we wander inside and out, sometimes we meet up with friends for playing or eating. We sprinkle in some simple productive activities like laundry, sprucing up our upstairs a bit (like putting away a pile of laundry, sweeping the cat hair from the corners, etc.). Right after we moved in we hung a towel rack in our upstairs bathroom and one side fell off. A screw was stripped, Roommate replaced it, still fell, caulked the connector thing to the bar, still fell so it's been broken like that for going on a year. It is there, half hanging on the wall, just, useless. Absurd because I was going to return it for sucking and because um, really? Most of our money goes to mortgage and groceries. It feels annoying to spend money on things like a towel rack or other things to make the bathroom functional. It needs some help though. ha. I thought wow, wouldn't it be nice to get more use out of this space?! That'd be neat! I mean don't get me wrong, it serves fine for going to the bathroom and showering. I also have 8 million prints and such I started buying when I was pregnant (like almost 4 years ago?) that I've never hung. Spending money on framing also is expensive. Any other brilliant ideas for preserving/hanging these things! I'm thinking of it because the bathroom could use some stuff in there. This is obviously VERY pressing. Let's reconvene on this in 2013? 

My friend having triplets is back in the country. I have another friend that's pregnant. Her baby is due in a little over 7 weeks and is right now measuring 6 lb 8 oz! !!!!! and a few more !!!'s She's gestational diabetic but has been doing really well at controlling her sugars. whew. I think they're projecting 11 lbs? I know so many pregnant people or people that just had babies. My goodness.

Here are a few random pictures from our world recently.

new bag i got at the kc fiesta. love!

college campuses make me feel...something.

mizzou.

greensmoothie.

kansas.

picnic pal.

quickie. (yer welcome)

Currently listening to Nirvana.
Roommate baking (frozen) pizza for dinner. (I KNOW)
Lovely day, saw friends for lunch.
Work tomorrow. Ain't no thang.
Did you know there was recently a measles outbreak in OP?
Weekend plans extending into June. Holy cow?
My kid makes me laugh. A lot.

Slow Show - The National

I know this is not the song's intended meaning but for ME, this song always makes me think of Beebs as a baby and us as new parents. I have to clarify, not BRAND new baby but maybe that 6 month, super squishy, giggling baby.
These lines especially:
I wanna hurry home to you
Put on a slow, dumb show for you
And crack you up
So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain
(We did and still do anything for a laugh out of our girl. I would think of those lines at work, on 12, 14, 15 hr work days, think about how badly I just wanted to get home and see her and make her laugh.)

You know I dreamed about you
For twenty-nine years before I saw you (wow. yeah.)
You know I dreamed about you
I missed you for
For twenty-nine years

I loved seeing The National live with Arcade Fire. I felt so sentimental because I think the last show we'd been to maybe was Arcade Fire also at Starlight when I was pregnant with Beebs, fairly newly pregnant and still in total shock. Let's just consider me in shock that entire pregnancy. ha. But anyway, at the show I just kept thinking of us then, how we were so dumb. haha. The shows were great. Roommate gets tired and stressed from his job, lord knows I can relate. He gets kind of absorbed in things? Focused? Anyway, at the show, I sort of felt those things fall away from him, felt him melt a bit and push into me and move and smile and we both felt good. Right up until then I even think he was stressed just over ok, work, get off work, rush to show, park, blah blah blah. And then we were there and it's like...Oh yeah..this is great. Music is magic, man.

I have a few questions.

I have bad dreams every night lately. What is that about? They're not usually scary but always very negative/full of fail/sad/disappointing/shaming. I'm not sure why? I'd just like it to stop. I've tried consciously trying to relax and "meditate" on good things before falling asleep but once I'm there the ick oozes out.

Mother's Day was fun. On Saturday we drove down with my mom to my grandma's house. She's not big on gatherings at her house. We've got a large dose of dysfunction and who doesn't but really, sometimes things get ugly but nonetheless, she said she wanted us all those and so we were and it was very nice. The weather was warm and sticky. We swatted mosquitoes, ate a whole bunch, watched our kids (!) play in the yard and when the sun went down my uncle pulled his Lincoln around into the yard and we listened to old country music. It wasn't too long after that the kids started melting down with exhaustion. We said goodbyes and made the 2 hour drive home in the dark. Beebs sang her ABC's awhile trying to keep herself awake but it was futile.

Sunday we went to Shawnee Mission Park and sat next to the lake, just the 3 of us and had a picnic. It was just as sappy sweet as it sounds. Beebs blew bubbles and followed the geese around. We watched sailboats and ate watermelon and pineapple. At a rare trip to Costco I bought some whole, fresh pineapples for Beebs' birthday party and now I know how to cut a whole pineapple down! Useful skill? It was MUCH cheaper than buying pre-cut fresh pineapple and whoo boy it's delicious. We almost ate an entire pineapple at our picnic. The watermelon was subpar as of yet. My mom gave it to us so I'm honestly not sure where it came from? We enjoyed it regardless.


That photo looks strangely colored. 
I forgot that I started this post with questions in my head.
I would like to get a de-humidifier for our basement. Anyone have any advice on this or a recommendation for one?

I have a 2005 Ford Focus, 2 door hatchback. I don't mind it's smallness but getting a small child in and out of the back is annoying. I keep thinking older kids wouldn't be a prob because they could just hop back there and maybe I'd be glad they didn't have their own door to mess with. I've considered getting a different car as my mom would like to buy mine. She drives a truck which she uses frequently for her farm stuff but would like mine for her work commute. I should also tell you when you're giving me advice on this that I have owned that car 6 years and have put only 38,000 miles on it in that time.

Hi.

Working a different schedule the next several days. Not used to having commitments every weekend, gah! This will be the 3rd weekend in a row and the next couple look the same. Weird.

My mom date was super fun! We shared a bottle of wine and talked for 3 hours. We laughed, I got a little teary once and we're going to introduce our daughters to one another. Fun!


Let's see if I can at least rustle up a picture or..something?

Everytime I see this last photo I think of Kurt Cobain? Her little outfit made me start thinking of the 90's and the photo was taken around the time of the anniversary of his death and..I don't know? but it does. Those other photos..my mom got bees that day. The guy that brought them over was wearing spurs and leather cuffs from wrist to elbow. He's a jailer and was wearing a star badge thing on his jeans. Ha. My mom got around 16,000 Italian bees. That one photo is my wee little daughter sitting in front of the hive watching them while I had a heart attack and died and snapped a photo. I guess while the bees are getting settled into their new home you feed them sugar water because they've been on a long journey and they're hungry and finding their way around the new place. The hive looks kind of rigged here but that was just set-up day. Spur guy is an expert on bees and told us so much fascinating info about them. My mom's been reading a ton about them for months now anticipating their arrival, deciding to do this in the first place. That was just..wild! I don't know if you enlarge those photos if you can see but literally bees were EVERYWHERE!! We went mushroom hunting at my mom's for morels (have you ever hunted them? eaten them?) fun! Like finding treasures! and they are DELICIOUS! We didn't find any but there are a few other things we saw.

 This last one is interesting. It just doesn't seem like her? The pink hat? I don't know. But it was taken on her 3rd birthday. Goodness.

Ok ok, last one. These photos might be kinda meh 'cause they're from my phone. I offered all sorts of homemade goodness on her birthday for breakfast and she requested choc (almond) milk and strawberries. Sounded great.

another post? ahh what the heck. food & books.

Hi again! I don't have a lot to say (famous beginning intro to every AWESOME blogger's best stuff..right? no?)
Anyway, we're home and I'm having a late lunch. I probably won't have dinner tonight so this works well. Last night I made Heidi Swanson's Wild Rice Casserole from her new book. We had it for dinner with some steamed veg..good thing since I'd started my day with coffee and cupcakes. EEk. There was a green smoothie thrown in there too. Oh, so yeah, I'm eating some leftover wild rice (really good!) and some sauteed spinach again. Yum Town, Population: Me! Yesterday I grabbed some fruit teas so I could make a Beebs-friendly summery special drink. She drinks juice every now and then, she likes some OJ sometimes. I was reading Vegan Lunchbox and it had a great little recipe just using some fruit teas and organic apple juice ice cubes! It sounded yum and while I realize she doesn't NEED a "fun" drink -- it's.. well..FUN! My cousin always had her toddlers walking around with bottles of orange soda. I cringe saying that but I'll feel less guilty about wanting to give Beebs a special warm season frosty yum drink. OK?!

We had a playdate with K & baby A today. Lovely friends and weather. Baby A waves and is insanely beyond cute. We saw turtles lined up on the bank, stairstepping themselves on each other (??) and we also saw baby geese all fuzzy!

Tonight I have a mom-date with a girl I met randomly. It totally does feel like a date. We met, exchanged numbers, have been kind of texting and now we're meeting for coffee, maybe dinner? We said maybe dinner, I think so we'd both feel safe like..opting out. ha. Her first and middle name are the exact same as mine, even spelled the same. Cute. She also has a little girl so this could be fun!

Here are some books we've either read from the library or bought Beebs for birthday lately that I'm loving:
Pete & Pickles - interesting book, the pictures are great
The Quiet Book - Pictures are amazing. I love them/the colors! The nurse photo makes me laugh. :)
The Happy Man and His Dump Truck - little golden book
My Friend is Sad - I think I just LOVE hearing my husband read this. He's hilarious.
The Maggie B - first heard of this one from Robina.
There are more but..there's a few!

Yesterday at the library I got some for myself, including The 100 Thing Challenge, Vegan Lunchbox (some everyday fun kid/and grown up! food but a recipe for spreading refried beans on a tortilla kind of makes me laugh) and Morning Food.

This coming weekend we're going to see a buncha my family at my grandma's house. Super dysfunctional. Good times. Mother's Day weekend!

Here's a minimalist resource guide I snagged from Sara at Walk Slowly, Live Wildly.
There are lots of links to explore up there! Happy Tuesday. 

Post-Birthday Post.

I am so clever!
Saturday was Beebs' 3rd birthday party. I still cannot believe she is 3! I cannot tell you how much she has changed just in the last month. She is so full-blown kid! I keep having this somewhat depressing recurrent thought since the party which is...if I can get a yard full of 30+ adults and another 10-15 kids/babies, why do I always feel so lonely? There were quite a few people there I'd either not seen since Beebs' last birthday party or some time beyond a year. I was liberal with the invites in a more-the-merrier sort of way and I was like, eh, haven't seen her in 3 years and now she has 4 kids but..maybe she'd wanna come?? and..she did! It's just that there are not many people in my real life that I really connect with on a slightly deeper level as far as like, interests/parenting styles/aspirations/etc. go. SO, with that said, I want to admit some of my selfishness, a dear friend of mine that has been living in another country is coming home in about a week. She'll be living about 5 hrs away. We've been emailing regularly while she's been away (for years now) and we have been making all these plans about roadtrips and our kids playing together (she has a 1 yr old son) and we talk about gardens and cooking and all that. Bliss! She's also somewhat newly pregnant with..triplets. I am so thrilled for her, THRILLED. It's with embarrassment but straight up honesty that I admit I am sort of feeling bummed about what that means for our friendship. How do you reconcile those feelings? Doesn't it sound so awful? I just realize at this point she will be busy, very busy, perhaps on bedrest, very tired and that's just while pregnant. Once the babies come, holy cow! I have trouble feeling like..if I can't help ENOUGH then I'm failing? Like I can't do enough to truly lighten the load? Does that make sense? Essentially realizing my friend will not have time for me. I know, I'm cringing at my own admission.

Anyway, the party was fantastic. The weather was amazing! We played outside the entire time. We ate lots of food, the cupcakes I deemed a complete disaster people raved about and asked for the recipe. What?!

From us Beebs got a bicycle and a whole bunch of books! I am so excited every night at bedtime now to have all this fresh material.

I had more to type I think but it feels unrelated now.