Yesterday we strolled for 2 miles, to a part of our neighborhood we'd never been to.
We went by the library and stopped at the playground between there and our house.
When I read other ppl talking about how they did this or that exercise-wise I usually don't process it. I just don't want to. You might feel that way about my mentions and that's ok but it's mostly for myself I put it here. So I walked 2 miles, big deal, well I wasn't sitting on the couch so hurrah.
Sweat ran down my back and I was so happy about it.

Each day it's like ok, what's our Activity going to be today? I want it to be routine and already it feels like it is becoming that way.

Carrots from my mom's garden and a basmati bag, burlap complete with a zipper and handle. love.

Still an object in motion.

Working to stay in motion.
I can tell you that once you have started moving it is much easier to do a little bit every day. I haven't made much progress on couch to 5k and I'm just going with the flow. I got up to do it this morning (woke up at 4 am..WHY?) and felt really excited to do it and as I stood on the front porch stretching in the dark it started sprinkling. I thought hrm, this might feel lovely, a few cool sprinkles while I go for it and then out of nowhere the wind picked up and it was raining sideways. It was almost laughable like, holy cow, if I'd left a couple minutes earlier I'd..well..I'd have been wet. heh.(What was I going to say there? AHH, I could've blown away!? what?)

Yesterday I went back to the restorative yoga class I was going to after Beebs was born. It felt so good then. I was in this totally surreal state, feeling like a different person having just become a mom, with a body that felt unfamiliar, a body much smaller than the one I'm in right now. The teacher is different now which makes me kinda sad but she'll grow on me. The class then felt kind of miraculous because I was getting to know the smaller me and getting more limber and less bulk in the way and I'm eager to find that place (and beyond) again.

We have been doin' a bit of swimming, walks in the park, etc. I took Beebs on a walk on a trail the other day and she was so over it. I had an app on that was tracking distance/speed/calories/etc. While on a walk with Beebs we totally MEANDER. I'm fine with that but it doesn't burn much. ha. Beebs was feeling a little off that day, kind of puny. We walked a little over a mile and I wish the app could tell which parts of my walk were spent carrying a 35-40lb kid! In the end I was cruising up this hill with Beebs and the app congratulated me on burning what equaled 4 carrots. Woo!

So this probably sounds super mundane. I usually love reading posts like this. I totally love hearing about people's day to day - especially "day-in-the-life" type posts. I'm just excited to be able to come back to this and see The Start.

On Moving.

My friend, T, sent me an email yesterday that didn't say a lot but did say "you can do it!" and you wouldn't believe the weight of encouragement that sent to me. I'm embarrassed to say my ankle has been hurting so much since I fell and the thought of jogging on it was downright painful. I can walk on it so I thought today I'd just see what jogging felt like. Guys, I don't jog. I woke up early this morning and the air was so nice and cool. In preparation I stretched in my kitchen and tried to tame the negative self-talk that mostly sounded like this: "Who do you think you are?" I had visions of junior high gym class as I went through the stretches. The couch to 5k program recommended stretching after warming up while the muscles were warm but no way was I going to stretch outside where people might see me and think I thought I knew what I was doing when I so obviously did not.

I meant to gather some music but had not so the most obvious choice to me was a Girl Talk Pandora station. I've mentioned Girl Talk here before. It's some great mash-up goodness. There was something brief from Girl Talk and then as I headed down my driveway this came on. MGMT got a little overplayed but as the words "I'm feelin' rough, I'm feelin' raw, I'm in the time of my life" were in my ears, I teared up a little. I was like yep, it's time, girl.

I'm not gonna be a sideline mom.

Here are a few things I realized while I did week 1, day 1 of couch to 5k:

1. 60 seconds is longer than I thought
2. my shoes suck -- my feet hurt so much along the sides ((maybe I can get those Keens I've been wanting after I complete what..2 weeks of couch to 5k? 1 wk? :) 
3. I am very, very out of shape. I figured the first week would be encouraging but I'll admit to you, the first day was hard. I don't know what I'll feel like after 3 days of it but I'm probably going to repeat this week. I started to really dread the ding on my app that signaled it was time to switch from a walk to a run. I actually moaned outloud once like are you kidding, my 90 sec of walking is up? AGH!! I'd start counting down the seconds of running left, 10, 9, nice and easy. Slow deep breaths. 
4. I have a lot of self-doubt that fraternizes with my feelings of total badassness. I'll admit I don't have a lot of feelings of badassness but they're in there and they long to dominate the doubt.

Lastly, here's an awesome song that was on my playlist this morning. It was perfect!! 

You know today I just woke up and I said you know instead of waitin' on a good day waitin' around through up's and down's waitin on something to happen I just say

We're gonna have a good day and all my homies gonna ride today and all these mommies look fly today and the only one we wanna do is get by today heyyy, we're gonna have a good day and ain't nobody gotta cry today cause ain't nobody gonna die to u save that trouble for another day heyyy we're gonna have a good day

 

Thanks, Nappy Roots.

Red Vamp.

This is my new swimming costume.
(That's what Peppa Pig and Beebs say.)

I can't believe I'm showing you pictures though my belly and thighs are not exposed here. I alllllmost wish I got a size smaller in this suit? It's not snug at all so it doesn't really hold anything back in the tummy area -- it has the nice ruching but I want it to hug me. It took me forever to get it and I hate sending crap back but...I wonder if I should? This fits roomily but I wonder what the next size down would be like?

Proud of myself.

We went to the pool with @boomboomvondoom and her fam this afternoon. Now we're home and sprawled on the couch watching The Secret of Nimh while eating some popcorn. I have to remind Beebs not to eat the "old maids." (We never called them that at my house growing up.)

I'm really proud that I went in public in my bathing suit.
I was going to start couch to 5k tonight. I'm trying to move, move, move -- everyday I tell myself that even just piddling about here at home, laundry, walks around the yard, sweeping the floor -- I'm moving. (not that I ever sweep the floor..just sayin' hypothetically..)
My dear friend said she's keeping a little journal and I definitely like that idea. I think she's doing like 1 line a day. 

I really, really need to clean up our house a bit and find some music for my first night of couch to 5k!!

Smoothie

I feel guilty when our smoothies aren't packed with greens or superfood but it's definitely a better alternative than I dunno..a McSausage or something?? Our smoothies just had almond milk, banana and flax this morning but Beebs gently told me she didn't like it too much so I poured it back in the blender and added a scoop of peanut butter and a spoon of cocoa powder. :) Chunky Monkey? Super yum!

Not a manic Monday at all.

Monday morning I always feel like writing here. I don't work on Mondays anymore so for us it's the day Roommate heads back into work to start his week and Beebs and I try for a balance of super-productive and playful. I try to wake up early and do some productive things before she's awake. (It's easier for me to get up super early and hit it when I have the next day off!) I also like to try to get up early on Mondays to get a pot of coffee going and once in awhile make Roommate's lunch for him. He usually does it himself but sometimes I do! heh. I know Mondays are hard and I always feel sad to see him go so I try to make them less painful and to usher him out lovingly, standing on the front porch waving goodbye, blowing kisses, whatevs. Ya'know how I roll. When I was working at the hospital I always felt sad getting up and going to work while it was still dark while my family slept then coming home when it was dark again. Anyway, I'm grateful to Roommate for all his hard work and am so thankful I get to be home more with Beebs now.

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Buddha Bowl I want. Pricey bowl though. Varying colors but I love the snowpea green shown.
Earrings I'm going to buy today. I wanted dark brown but it's sold out. I think I'd call these my poser earrings.
Yesterday I went to HyVee to get a couple lemons for the pie I was making and also to be able to spray some Zum goodness on. Yes, I did spritz some Patchouli on my bag and then I sprayed some Frankincense-Lavender spray on myself. Instant happy calm. Mmm.. Scents are serious business to me. They can instantly change how I feel. Powerful. I should tour their factory. Sounds wonderful!! We'd like to tour Boulevard Brewery and The Roasterie too. 2 of my faves - Roommate loves the Boulevard Pilsner.

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Sky Safari was open for the first time so we got to ride for free. (haha..never a good sign, right?) Beebs really enjoyed the Buddha's boo boo's. ((aka boobs)) She was touching them and I waited and then I'm like ok, let's go and she's like "wait, I'm checking out these boo boo's." We had seen the Ibis (that bird) in our Alphabeasties book (fun for you font snobs. type nerds? whatever.) I can also tell you that the Ibis STINKS. and also..the KC Zoo kinda sucks. Sorry, KC! Omaha and St. Louis have much better zoos. We've already discussed my guilt at taking my kid to the zoo, don't worry, I turned down my mom's invite to take us to the Circus. At the KC Zoo plan to walk and walk and walk and not see shit. There are also old exhibits that are now empty and just..overgrown with weeds. When we walked through the trees and saw the old ape house (why didn't I take a photo?! -- too busy sweating prob) I said, um..I feel like we're on LOST. This big old strange looking concrete building nestled into trees and weeds. heh. I wanted to, of course, capture our zoo trip in photos but I thought ok, I will never show these to anyone because don't all zoo photos look the same? Same with looking at other people's vacation photos. It all just kind of looks the same. 

Lastly, isn't this hat cute?!

Family Friday

We spent the day at the zoo. I do feel guilty about it - animals in cages. Those things that you might not otherwise think about too much are brought to mind when you've got an innocent kid genuinely inquiring why those animals are in there. We have a Curious George book I hate to read. The man in the yellow hat brings him back from Africa and takes him to live in the zoo and wants to make a movie about him. How do you feel about the zoo?

Thinking about closing my eyes on the couch. The rest of my family has crashed out.

Wednesday Breakfast.

Feeling kind of weird this morning.
I just could not sleep very well and so I finally got up at 5. I made myself a bowl of Bob's Red Mill 5 grain cereal, my fave, and a pot of coffee. I went topping crazy on my cereal and sprinkled on hemp seeds, ground flax seeds, golden raisins, a sprinkle of coconut, maple syrup (I prefer Grade B), almond milk and a few tiny dollops of almond butter. I should pretty much be ready to take on anything after that breakfast, yeah?

I just got lost reading this and now should probably get ready for work.

Popular.

I'm head of the class
I'm popular
I'm a quarter back
I'm popular
My mom says I'm a catch
I'm popular
I'm never last picked
I'm a cheerleader chick
                       -- Nada Surf


Dudes. Thanks for being my cheerleaders! I'm so excited that you'd be willing to follow along and wave your pom poms for me now and then. I'm gonna see if I can rustle up some action to warrant a pom pom shake.

We've been hanging out in the evenings at twilight, going on walks, catching fireflies in the backyard. I did eat like shit yesterday though. I can rock a good portion of the day making awesome decisions and then BAM! I think sometimes in the process of what I think are good decisions I possibly, maybe eat too little? I'm not sure that's possible but maybe and then suddenly I'm like holy crap I'm starving and I nosh nosh nom nom yomz.

Soooo...what else? OH. Yesterday. I got up from the couch (ironic?) and my foot was asleep I guess but I just immediately crumpled into a heap on the floor and twisted my left ankle. This is super annoying and lame. A couple months ago I fell down the stairs out front and twisted my right ankle. Clutzy much? Maybe I'm just getting top heavy and I topple over at random? Anyway. Ow. Beebs kept smiling and saying aww, you're ok. You're ok. She brought me a band-aid and her slippers and said they'd make me feel better. My sweet kid. aw. That fall really did bruise my pride though because who (besides old people) falls in their living room? I shouldn't type that old people bit but hey, I've wiped a lot of poop off of old people that fell and broke something so...ok that doesn't make it ok but still. My point is I shouldn't have fallen and hurt myself like an idiot in my living room.

Things I've Googled Lately.

"plus size hippie clothes"
"hippie weight loss"
"weight loss hippie"
"couch to 5K"
"keen shoes newport vs venice"

I have this kind of grandma bike I bought off craigslist a few years ago. When I was a kid I lived on my bike. We'd go camping at Watkins Mill and I'd ride their trail (I can't remember how long it is?? a few miles?) I'd just ride it over and over, fly around the campground, it was just fun and felt so good. I had no idea I was exercising. Recurring theme around here lately, somewhere on this place but definitely in my head is FAT. I'm in that place, feeling fat and lazy, uncomfortably sweaty, sticky thighs, sweaty boobs, jiggly belly. Have you felt these? Do you know what I'm talking about?

I don't quite know how to describe what I'm looking for but I need a like-minded buddy or place to go and read. I am a wannabe hippie, semi-crunchy, fence-riding, mama. I am not an idiot. I'm a nurse. I'm a mom. I know how you lose weight and yet, I am at a loss with how to start. Just to start. I've outgrown my clothes. The clothes I fit feel like the ugliest things I could possibly put on my body. I'm going to be honest (and mortified) to tell you right now that after ALL that weight I lost during my pregnancy and after my pregnancy with Beebs...I have since gained 70 pounds. Imagine that in your head for a moment (or don't, thanks). ((ETA: My daughter is 3 years old. In less than 3 years, 70 pounds)) I'll write that down because maybe I can be that place and person I'm looking for now. There aren't many people that read my blog and that's ok, it's become a place I can return to. But maybe someone will google "weight loss hippie" like I did and maybe that'll be me. I enjoy tangible advice and plans. I have even felt lost grocery shopping lately.

I wanna ride my bike and feel good. I want to swim with my kid all summer long and feel good. I want to sweat and walk and run around. I want to run around and be goofy in my backyard and not suddenly freeze thinking my neighbors probably saw me jiggling around back there. I want to feel like I can jump and slide around. I was standing on a low stone wall at the park one day and had to stand there a minute to figure out how to jump off and consider whether I could indeed do so without breaking a knee or falling. I can laugh at myself over this and you can laugh at me over it to but I tell Roommate, remember when you just..did it? You just ran and jumped and fell and tumbled? He remembers those things wistfully along with me. He can relate to me in that moment. He's not overweight, at all but we're both out of shape.

I've at times considered buying a treadmill. I don't want to spend money on such a thing..sounds silly in my head but the thought of exercising in public is scary. Really scary. I sometimes even feel that way just about going on walks around the 'hood. That's absurd when I see myself typing it but it's real.

My weight can make me feel so low and that's not fair to myself because I don't totally suck! I work, I help support my family, I'm a pretty good mama, I love my family crazy much, am a decent friend but when I look in the mirror I feel 100% worthless. I can't see any of the good that's in me..I can only shudder at the way I feel and look. I am sort of astounded sometimes like oh, psh, I'm not that fat. but oh yes..in fact..I am! There's really no need for more weight loss information on the web but I'm looking for it in a format that works for me..in a lifestyle-changing--forever sort of way.

I weigh more now than I did 3 days past my due date with Beebs.

Sunday evening.

Hi. Just got home from a baby shower. Beebs is asleep on Roommate's chest, her legs tangled and hanging down past his knees. When did she get so big? He has dozed off and the sight of them makes me so happy.

I was just reading a post elsewhere and so coveting that amazing backyard garden and remembering how dry and weedy my own little veg garden is looking out front. My lettuce has become a shriveled, wilted mess..I think it's dead. We ate from it quite a bit but it was getting too much sun and not enough water out front. My fault! The little garden is nearly covered in grass. I pick and scratch at it with a hoe and my hands but 'alas..I do not keep up. My radishes never made radishy bulbs. They stayed spindly little long pink roots. I've pulled most of them up.

Our backyard is crazy infested with mosquitoes. It was the same last year and I dreaded being out there. I hate that! We just finished trimming out so much brush and some dead bushes and ugly cedar crap and I'm hoping we opened it up to get a little more sun and air back there. Much of it is shady and stays pretty damp.

So there's that.

I'm becoming obsessed with exploring altdotlife
I made this for breakfast and it was delicious. I toasted slivered almonds and put golden raisins and unsweetened shredded coconut on top. Yum. Beebs and I ate it up.

I was going to link to other things but...I can't think of anything? .
I'm also so in love with patchouli lately. I miss wearing it. I always just dabbed some lavender oil and patchouli oil on my skin.
What're you doing lately?
I ordered a new bathing suit (!!!) -- I feel terrified to wear it in public but..I'm going to. I'm going to be brave and I'm going to swim swim swim with my kid and love it.

My cousins used to lay out like it was their job. They're sisters. They'd oil up and lay on their deck in the blazing sun. This was NEVER appealing to me. Two of them now go tanning so much that about the instant winter makes its exit they are dark bronze. They are leathery.

I was thinking of that while sweat dripped down my chest sitting outside with Beebs today.

um. yeah.

random request: can anyone direct me to some clothes that don't suck for the more voluptuous women such as myself? I'd specifically like some super comfy pants or shorts or somewhere in between that are light and cargo-ish? i do NOT buy clothes often and I've honestly run out of things -- especially anything for warmer weather. I can make do in winter. wow, "plus size hippie clothes" yielded some interesting results. ahahaha.

I'm not happy with the size I am but I'd like to feel better in this skin while working to improve it.