One day we had just arrived home from their dad's. During pandemic season I have first been going home to change and clean up before going to get them. I'm off late in the evening so it always just feels like..a lot, I guess. But it's the highlight of my day. Where I finally breathe in a sigh like.."At least this." Always so glad to have them around me and feel the goodly worthiness of life and my presence. Hugging them is medicine. Sometimes their words leave me speechless. You never know in what setting or what combination of words but it will feel big or holy or gutting. Parent as witness. They reflect the world and life back at me.
My son that is 7, we pretend a lot. Those pretend sessions where he tells me the setting and basically what to say. We're getting out of the car and he has something in his hand, I can't remember what. A stickish thing. He says he's taking me as prisoner. I ask why. He says, "Because you're not on our team!"
My daughter has been feeling so lonely. I ache for her. We've had a few connections here and there with her friends in some way but overall very little since March. We didn't do a ton of outside hangs before, seems overall less frequent than what I hear from others but definitely going to friend's houses sometimes and having friends over.
Anyway, it wasn't hard to sink into initially but the effects have slowly crept up on us. It manifests in a variety of ways (I mean obvs, right? I think we're all feeling some degree of this in multiple facets of our lives. Now and always.) My counselor touched on this last week because goddamn that woman is wise! So we're both trying to reach out to people a bit and keep some connections going, even in simple ways. I appreciated the reminder. My son has seen 2 different friends for outside playing occasionally. We're still seeing grandparents, my mom and their dad's, being thoughtful about it and minimizing exposures as we can. Grandpa has been more cautious, higher risk. They've also seen their uncle.
This morning I took a radio news break and switched it over to 90.9 The Bridge, another station I enjoy often, and heard 3 songs that found me in tears by the middle of the last one. I'm putting them here in that same order.
"Worry" from Songhoy Blues has the best lyrics.
Nothing’s come for free
When you get it free – you will lose it freely
So you better know
Work hard is the best way
Let your hope come from fight
And go through your darkness You’ll find your light
Damn, just happy to keep going. Enjoyed that set. Above includes Songhoy Blues, Etta James, Mondo Cozmo, Kendrick Lamar / Sza.
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