Hi. 

How are you? 

Listening to Michael J. Fox on "Fresh Air." 

Drinking a glass of wine. I can hear a train. 

Sure has been a different time, eh? I hope you're hanging in and parts of you feel ok. 

At my house we're doing ok. It has been a seriously challenging time. I mean, life is but whoah. Our mental health is not something to neglect. My kid has been in a very low place that has frankly been terrifying. We're actively tapping into multiple resources and I'm really glad for that but the feelings of helplessness or just falling short of helping enough are really tough. All woven in my kid has also been learning about identity and prefers a different name and pronouns now. While feeling like an open supportive person it has been quite a journey to just this beginning type place we are now. I've only just this past weekend talked to my mom about it. That was hard. I'd been preparing awhile. And in counseling.

There's so much I want to say about that and other things. This same child, seeking connection had evolved a stunning secret life online. I'm no stranger to the internet and utilizing it to meet people but as an adult I pulled back drastically from interactions online. Some years ago I was really enjoying instagram and other social media and I have a real distaste for most of it now. Saying that while writing here but most specifically I'm referring to relationships online and how they impact us. My kid made some really surprising decisions. I've been speechless, man. And scared shitless. I've always felt a wariness with screens and have absolutely not wanted my kids to have phones if it could be prevented. I know many need them for communication. We've talked a lot over time about internet use and safety and ideas about   ____ insert potential experience/traume here. It feels pretty "Black Mirror" these days. Our abuse of the internet is affecting our human experience in a big way. The way we treat each other. The way we look at ourselves. The situations that weren't possible enabled by this insane technology. One infuriating aspect has been that most of these interactions have been occurring through the school supplied computer. I naively thought kids probably couldn't use apps to voice/video chat with strangers on their school computer. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. 

Hard to believe we've been experiencing a pandemic for this long. How long? 10 months or so of awareness? More. Less for some. It still rubs me that I work in healthcare and have that work/ppe life and then to go to the small town I grew up in or talk to my mom. How many times has she said to me - absurd, ridiculous! Why can't she see me? see this? 

GRATITUDE

my kids' dad and I have done a pretty bang up job of communicating. We agree we've talked more the last few months than in our entire marriage. HEH. It's not an exaggeration really. Proud of us for that. We've lived apart long enough now I think my kids have seen we can do pretty ok at our attempt to keep things healthy/sane/good whatever the words are. To talk and not shit on each other sort of thing. 

reading a description of this wine at my local liquor store - its flavor compared to like 8 different things

break from school is coming! bowing down to all school personnel. holy shit 

music. let's share some now. also recommend that interview with Michael J. Fox. Nature and Music have been the most comforting grounding things in pandemic season. 

This one is best with big sound. 

reach out in any way you can. a text or phone line. to someone. 

"Lemon Boy" - Cavetown -- get yourself a citrus friend. 

these cookies are really delicious. REALLY delicious. 

your feelings are valid